missing my dad.....

ok, so yesterday at the red lobster, where my mom and i ate after picking up the remainder of our 30-year anniversary replacement china......i attempted to direct the conversation to dad......who liked red lobster almost as much as mom.....we were ordering, and i pointed out that dad would have ordered the clam strips.....she nodded....and then went back to perusing the menu......for no real reason because she always orders the fried shrimp and crab leg combination with a baked potato....she eats the crab legs and takes the shrimp and potato home for supper....this scenario worked out well yesterday, as we were going to our daughter's boyfriend's belated graduation party that involved a bbq supper at the battlefield....on the way back home my spouse asked if the boyfriend's father was involved at all....no, i replied, because he died some time ago after some peiod of estrangement.....i started to say that the boyfriend had that in common with our daughter....but then that is not true......our daughter has had my spouse as her very-involved father most of her life.....her birth-father was estranged, but he is now working on semi-regular contact.....she has no concept of father's day without a father.....ah well......there is a picture of my mom and dad above the computer table...the one taken at their 47th anniversary party....we celebrated the 47th rather than waiting on the 50th when it became clear that my father would be far from lucid if we postponed......he seems happy and content in this photo.....in the moment rather than agonizing over the past or the future....seems this gentle man still has a few things to teach me about how to live one's life.....

ok, so.....

ok, so.....the nurse from Doctor H.'s office called not long after lunch with these opening words....'I am here with your mother, and she seems confused on her medications'.......i immediately bring up the calendar on my pc......no appt with doctor...then grab my phone and search for that calendar....yikes.....doctor at 3....but it is only 1:30 pm and curiously no mention of it is on the calendar synced with my phone.....but i digress.....i reviewed my mother's medicines with the nurse, who expressed concern that my mother said she took no medications.....he asked about problems...and i mentioned her laying about on her bed watching tv while complaining that her back hurt......her doctor called after another 30 minutes, and told me that she felt that my mother had no business driving, and that she had told her so in her examination....she suspected that my mother would not tell me about her recommendation....just as she had not told me of her appt......she suggested that i hide her keys if i felt uncomfortable with confrontation.....yikes.....my spouse is out of town til late tomorrow....so he and I agreed that we can defer the keys discussion until Thursday at supper, when he can support my request for her keys..........my mother did acknowledge that she went to the doctor today....but she left out the part about the car...go figure.....i feel quite conflicted....as I knew that she should not drive but did not confront her at supper tonight....and she plans to drive to church supper tomorrow....I pray that she travels safely until I have ht enerve to take her keys.....

In honor of Rachel and Joe's wedding...the Collins piece read at our wedding 30 years ago....Judy not Billy...when I hear it read/sung I hear Dan Fogelberg....

What I'll give you since you asked
Is all my time together;
Take the rugged sunny days,
The warm and rocky weather,
Take the roads that I have walked along,
Looking for tomorrow's time,
Peace of mind.

As my life spills into yours,
Changing with the hours
Filling up the world with time,
Turning time to flowers,
I can show you all the songs
That I never sang to one man before.

We have seen a million stone lying by the water,
You have climbed the hills with me
To the mountain shelter.
Taken off the days, one by one,
All lyrics www.allthelyrics.com
Setting them to breathe in the sun.

Take the lilies and the lace
From the days of childhood,
All the willow winding paths
Leading up and outward.
This is what I give
This is what I ask you for;
Nothing more

closure, of a kind.....

ok, so....i am torn between feeling as though my task is over...my quest has been fulfilled, and my promise has been kept.....and as if this hesitation along the trail is just that...another milestone in the path that is parenthood.....in the end the folks who were essential were there to cheer us to the finish line.....and for that i am grateful.....i can only hope that they wil be with us for the trials that are to come....