panic driving home from work.....

ok, so...the snow ramped up as i was walking out the door at 4:30.......and it was not really the snow that got to me...it was the slipperiness and the slight skid as i was trying to brake at the intersection where my original wreck took place.....omg.....thankfully i was able to stop before the red.....heavy sigh.....i drove on but opted to drive on home rather than going on to the gym....i was still fighting tears...at some point this PTSD will pass and i will be able to function without flashbacks.....but that today was not one of those days....

weary

ok, so....my days remain defined by the accident despite my weak efforts to focus on what i can do rather than what i cannot...pain has a way of keeping one's attention front and center upon the source.....i did hear this week from my representation, who disclosed the best case scenario settlement....more than i had imagined so i gave my consent readily.....i will not believe it til i hold a check in my hands....and thewn must come the decisions on what to do with it.....pay us both back for what we took out of savings to buy the replacement car......put aside some for future travels.....maybe add to my retirement account.....recover the chairs in the back room...buy some kayaks.....none of these options is preferable to having my mobility back.....

a carrot in front of my cart

ok, so....i bought plane tickets and booked hotel rooms for a trip to italy in the fall.....fly into venice, take the train to florence then a bus to siena and on to rome by bus as well before flying back.....the flight to venice has two stops and the flight back from rome has only one stop.....did not think that making the hotel bookings with the credit card would be problematic until we got a messgae on the answering machine from the credit card fraud division expressing concern about charges made abroad....nice they pay attention yet i am thankful that the reservations all went through...selected hotels within sight (venice) or reasonable walking distance from boat/train station/bus station.....and then there is the walking in general....i will have to up my level of fitness to be able to manage this vacation, given that i think twice before i get up out of my chair to get a document off of the printer down the hall.....my ankle is still stiff everyday and my limp gets more profound as the day goes on....to say that pain is involved is an overstatement.....not pain, not tenderness....more like discomfort....going up and down stairs as well as walking up inclines (like my own front walk to get the mail) is managable if i take my time.....taking my time is not my travel style.....i am more the batamn death march sort of traveler.....frankly, i do not see myself getting back to that level of recovery....but i can see myself walking at a leisurely pace, even in my current state.....