ok, so i survived the 2nd memorial service, attended by my brother and his son, who lives with him in d.c.- as well as my mother's sister from cleveland and her husband and their daughter (1 year younger than me) and her husband and daughter (age 21- the same age as my brother's son). many of my dad's workmates from osu came, as well as many of their old church friends. several relatives came from dad's side of the family- his oldest sister, and 3 nieces and 1 nephew and their families. it was a nice service, as these things go- cayle asked where we would go for the next service, and i was relieved to tell her that this was the final event......

ok, so we made it to cincinnati, and lived through our first encounter with sister elaine since the ecw's mother's funeral. her husband did not come- he stayed with the sister of their oldest son's wife (get the connection) who lives down the street from ecw's sister lisa. i thought it a might cowardly that mike did not come, as we all knew he was down the street. but it was nice to talk a bit with elaine about spain, and to have her confirm that castillian spanish has many different pronunciations than latin american spanish.....and that the c before an i or e comes out as th........also a doubble ll, like in tortilla comes out with a j sound, like tortija......her 2 daughters were there, and her oldest son and his wife and new baby......they didn't come until after ecw's brother jim and his wife left for their house in gatlinburg for th weekend......ah well....today we venture north to my home town, for the second and last memorial service. i will be seeing all of my ohio relatives on both sides of the family, as well as a few school friends of my own...a very few.....i am not the sort who keeps up with just anybody... i have made a point over the years to keep up with only those people who i really like and hope to actually see again......therefor, my address book is not crowded with people i barely remember and cannot really place anymore.......there are really good utlets on the way there- maybe we can stop on the way home.....a visit to eddie bauer or gap or ralph lauren would really make my weekend......

ok, so someone in my family has erased all the email addresses in the handy pull-down menu- the one that lists all of the recently visited addresses. i often use this menu to go back to frequently visited locations rather than typing in the addresses each time. someone must have visited locations too sensitive for family viewing- and erased all trace. ironically, i would not have noticed nor would i have actually visited nonfamiliar addresses- it is the only the absence of any addresses that makes mean mamma suspicious......yes, this family member could have visited princess diana sites, or michael jackson sites, but somehow i doubt that the string of sites would have been this interesting.....

we are leaving for cincinnati in a few hours- for lunch with ecw's sister lisa and brother james, and maybe a drive-by visit by sister elaine, the one who made such a hullabuloo at the funeral over the will. i would actually like to talk to her, as she is the only one in the family who speaks spanish (she has a degree in spanish, no less) and once visited spain in college (wearing mix-and-match drip-dry wardrobe made by my mother-in-law that i heard about on numerous occassions over the past 21 years........) i would feel badly visiting spain without consulting with her, even if briefly, on our itinerary. speaking of speaking spanish, my own personal dialect coach is getting on my last nerve over pronunciation of spanish words- i have been using the dk spanish tapes, which pronounces c with a th sound- words like barcelona come out barthelona......- at least according to my tapes. there is one in my midst who disputes that the th rather than c pronunciation is spain-wide- maybe only in catalonia.......and describes my attempts at spanish words with a c as lisping.......anyway- i want my sisterinlaw to clear up this whole lisping spanish thing.........

i am bringing a relish tray- with all of my favorite crudites. the jar of pickled okra has been opened (not by me) but once opened- i haven't been able to resist. i love pickled okra. i hope no one in my family blabs that there would have been pickled okra on the tray if not for the mean mamma....... maybe santa will bring a jar or two for my stocking.

ah well, here's to a happy thanksgiving for you and yours.........

ok, so this week i have noticed that i am in a decided 'time slot' when i drive the children to school. i tend to see the same person pulling out of candlewood, the same truck and cars waiting at the light at boone trail and lex-ave, the same cars dropping off at jenny rogers, etc. if my timing varies by 2-3 minutes either way, i cross-over into unfamiliar sights- i see a father and his two daughters from cayle's swim team coming out of the apt building at 4th and walnut on their way to woodlawn, only if i am running late. i see the new emh ceo walking around the hospital- making rounds?- only if i am running early. i know that i am running early, on time, or late by these markers, not just by the clock and the npr radio cadence...... to get cayle to school before the tardy bell i must be at the stanford road light before the morning business report comes on.......all of this time slot talk reminds me of my favorite bar in cincinnati- the blind lemon in mt adams. it was around the corner from the apt i shared with a friend from grad school. we would go for happy hour every friday from 5-7, and order 2 beers each, and have pretzels while we played backgammon. the bartender would automatically get out the board and pour our beers when we walked in- the price was always the same, so we knew how many single bills to take along. we got to know some of our neighbors, who also came for friday happy hour. .....once- on a double date, we went in on saturday night. we didn't know a soul-- not the bartender, not the waitresses, none of the crowd was familiar- the bartender didn't even know they had a backgammon board because no one ever asked for it on his shift....what a difference a time slot makes.....

ok, so we leave for spain 1 month from sunday......i am so fortunate to be traveling with such knowledgable and witty companions- i especially look forward to my personal dj who brings such an eclectic mix of music to long car trips (we will have 2.....) i have to hunt up the cd player adapter for the car's casette slot from the last trip. there are few people i would welcome on a european adventure- but the loyal opposition is not your usual 15 year old- i admire her sense of self and her independence and her willingness to listen to me repeat myself with good humor......

ok, so i leave for spain in 5 weeks. i can remember few new spanish words- donde est? for locations...that i can remember. truchas is trout. i have a long way to go to have enough food words in my grasp to allow for a fearless ordering...........

ok, so my alma mater is one game closer to winning a national championship. Ohio State beat Michigan 14-9 in a nail-biter game yesterday afternoon in its signature horseshoe stadium. so sweet. of course, i did not see the actual ending, as i had to go to work- that is probably why they won- because i wasn't watching. i hadn't watched a game all season (mostly because osu games aren't aired around here......) i musn't jinx the team by watching jan 3- regardless, a national title would be abittersweet memorial for my dad, the ultimate osu fan. i have many fond memories of attending osu games with him- stopping for mcdonalds lunch on the way, which was a treat then- we NEVER stopped for fast food unless we were on vacation or going to a football game. we would proceed from the parking 'field' to st john's arena where we would listen to the band warm-up- then on to the game. i remember seeing the osu-michigan game with my dad when woody hayes was still coaching, and the stadium was going to astroturf- after the game (osu won...) the students took down the goalposts and carried them down high street- and the alums took out shovels and trash bags and literally scooped up the playing field as souveniers(sp)...........everybody wanted a little bit of osu turf for their own yards......remarkable. i did get to see osu beat michigan in ann arbor- when i was in grad school and dating a boy who went to grad school at michigan.....michigan has a bottle law- so after the game- people got out trash bags and started picking up cans and bottles to get back the deposits- it was a remarkable thing to see........

ok, so there is a bright side to a funeral- all of the nice cards and letters. i look forward to the mail, because every day seems to bring another bundle of tender words and thoughtfulness. i received an unexpected note from a boy i haven't seen since i was in the 5th grade- he read dad's obit in the Millersburg, Ohio Daily Record. i was born in millersburg ohio, and occassionally feel melancholy about the move away- anyway, i was able to put my hands on a picture of max miller within 5 minutes of reading the note- it seems that the year i got my first camera- for my birthday in 1967- i brought it to school, and took pictures of my friends on the playground- his was the first, and so he has been the first photo in my first album for the past 35 years........he was just adorable then- i wonder how he has grown up. anyway, it was nice for him to write....i think of millersburg and elementary school whenever the assassination of jfk comes up- i was in the second grade and can see clearly the classroom, and the shock that came over us when the announcement came over the loadspeaker, and we were instructed to go home for the rest fo the day......it ended up being several days, as i watched the funeral procession on tv at home........i will always feel a special bond to people i was with on that day- our generations 9-11, of sorts.

ok, so my refrigerator is stuffed with food that people have brought- each and every person starts the conversation with- 'i didn't know what to bring someone who cooks for a living....' i was particularly grateful for the bag of chips......with dip......i so love chips and dip

methodist church thursday 3:30 with visitation after. stephan has selected a place to plant a tree in grandpa's memory. we would like to plant a buckeye tree- no idea if these trees are available in a non-buckeye state. i do like the idea of having a buckeye tree, though. especially if osu wins the national championship- dad would have been so happy.......

ok, so we will probably have a service thursday at the methodist church in danville, to give us closure- and have another service thanksgiving weekend in mt gilead with mom's ohio friends to give her closure. closure is essential, i believe, in the healing process- no matter how many times i say that it was a blessing. it isn't a blessing until i find closure.

ok, so my father passed away this morning at 9:08 am. my mother was with him, as the v.a. called her when the shift started to tell her that she had better come on if she wanted to be with him. she was there to hold his hand until the end. there is comfort in that small act- having someone be with you until the end. as for the rest of us- we have occupied the time since we got the call with busy work- ecw is raking leaves, and i am putting away the summer clothes and cleaning out closets. when in doubt- clean out...........he will be going directly to be cremated, as i understand it, and she will schedule a memorial aservice at her home church in ohio at some date ot be announced. this arrangement goes off the board in terms of timing- and we are left without any idea how to grieve.....be in prayer for us.

ok, so i waited inline for nearly an hour to get tickets to see harry potter chamber of secrets. the wait in line was almost as good as the movie- one meets a random crowd while waiting- and this wait was worth mentioning. for starts, the couple with a 6 year old in front of me all wore danville admiral clothing- though they live in houstonville and the child does not go to danville schools. the mother in this grouping used to work at joseph-beth, and quit because they only paid a max of $10 and hour and only gave 10% discount on books. she had to pass a test to qualify to work there, which is encouraging in terms ofjust who tells us where to find certain books....... she knows an author in georgia who writes cozy mysteries involving show dogs..........the woman just in back, with 2 children about 7 or so saw 8-mile while her children saw harry potter- but the harry potter film broke during the 10:00 showing and they came and watched the end of 8-mile with her..........which did not seem to bother her that her young ones saw anything of eminem's movie. she was only bothered to have to come back today for them to see the rest of harry potter. i let an aquaintance cut inline with me, when she announced that she was wanting tickets to santa clause 2- her children go the the christian school and she could not be seen taking them to harry potter..... satan connections, you know-- she actually said this-----though she did admit to reading the first book secretly!!!!!!!!!and to having seen the first harry potter on video- she admitted that it didn't seem too satanic to her, but the school was quite clear about its stance on the books and films........that kind of bologna gives christianity a bad name........curiously, everyone in this little enclave had seen aerosmith in concert except me.........don't even ask me how this came up.....it was a long wait........oh, yea- the second movie was scarier than the first edition......now i can't wait to see the second edition of the lord of the rings.......i wonder how long i will wait for those tickets..........

ok, so acw really surprised us all by stopping to see my dad on the way home. he can be the sentimental one, despite his protestations. this morning as i went out to get the paper, i marveled that there is still a rose blooming on the trellis- the trellis that my dad and my husband built as a gift for me. i love that trellis.......

ok, so ernst. cayle, stephan and i went up to the v.a. home in wilmore this evening to see my dad. his bed is on the floor, so he cannot fall out too far. the bed is bent up at the head so that he is really sitting up to help him breathe. he is totally unconcious- with his mouth open so he can breathe in the oxygen from his mask. his eyes flickered a bit when i first spoke to him, but he never opened his eyes nor acknowledged our presence. he is quite warm with fever- he looked so pitiful it was all that we could do to say our goodbyes without sobbing. the end cannot be far away- his passing will be a blessing, as they say.......

ok, so i have been listening to the nanny diaries on tape- as read by julia roberts. this book is escapist at best- and i thoroughly enjoyed a peak into the lives of the rich and too busy/too important to raise their own children. the'x'family mother and father are so totally wrapped up in their looks, prestige, money, clothes, etc. that they basically delegate all care of their precious 4 year old son to poorly paid help- a series of housekeepers,nannies and the like. the nanny who narrates is finishing her senior year at nyu- and was to work parttime for the family while completed her remaining coursework. julia roberts could have played the title role in the inevitable movie were the title character not 21 years old. even julia would have a hard time pulling off the 21 year-old thing at this point in her career. nevertheless- it was fun to listen to her read the story and picture her playing the character in the movie- it is such a julia roberts role.

ok, so here are 5 things that i really admire about my dad- Herbert Wayne Crown:

- he expected not only that i would graduate from college, but also that i would earn a graduate degree, just like he did. i have a picture- taken with my little instamatic- of his master's degree ceremony at osu- as well as a picture of me wearing his mortarboard.it wore a red checked dress with a red flounce at the bottom- bad choice- but i was only 8 or 9 at most at the time......he was so proud of my master's degree. there is something to be said for high expectations. sometimes children actually live up to them......he never really knew that i took a major life risk in quitting my miserable job and starting a restaurant- i hope he would have applauded the gumption it took.......

- he believed that there is no finer endeavor than travel. he reached ' all the 50 states and 14 foreign countries' - quite a mark to match. i can recall my grandmother crown (who never learned to drive)-on the occassion of a visit after a major trip- asking my dad if he was done with traveling. he told her that that there was a whole lot more to see and that he wouldn;'t stop until he saw it......not bad for a farm boy from ohio.

- he believed that every road should be 'gone down' once. he really liked the challenge of travel by instinct- he would take maps- but he also enjoyed going down roads just to see where they let out......i rarely saw him get lost. i would like to say that i inherited his sense of direction- but lightening would strike.............

-he valued the written word. i fondly recall him sitting in 'his chair' doing the crossword puzzle- in pen- with no mistakes. he also played a mean game of scrabble......

-he believed totally in recycling- both organic and nonorganic matter. his compost pile was enviable...... he also donated gallons of blood in his lifetime- the ultimate in recycling, i believe........

i can forgive him his conservative politics, i suppose.......with those 5 attributes in his plus column...........i would like to think that i could deliver a eulogy- but i am not sure that i could manage it- without choking up-

ok, so my father appears to be in his final stage of alzheimer's, and enduring his final days. He cannot swallow liquids or thickened things, and has become dehydrated. dehydration has led to pneumonia, which i fear will be his end. he has gone 'downhill' so quickly in the past few months- from sitting up and eating a meal- to fetal position with his eyes clenched shut...so sad. i can remember visiting both of my broughton grandparents, and my grandmother crown in nursing home shortly before they passed on- each was verbal and somewhat lucid- though my grandmother broughton kept crying to go home, which was so awful to hear.........my grandfather broughton told me that he stopped speaking german because his mother told him he had to choose whether he was going to be a german or an american....i told him that i regretted that i never heard him speak german. grandpa broughton was lucid til the end-blind- but lucid.......he regretted dying in the nursing home despite hsi pleas to dy in his own house- i hear that occassionally my cousin (who inherited the house) and her family see him- or smell his cigar- i think that he haunts their house as a payback..........

i regret that my mom moved dad from our hometown to live near us- because people who knew and loved my dad are unlikely to make a 5 hour drive to a funeral- i believe that he deserves better than to have a few close family members at his service after a life of good works and numerous friends. mother has spoken of having a memorial service at their home church after the funeral. i hope that that happens- especially for her to be able to have closure with so many of their ohio friends. i also hope that both my brother and his son jason make it home for any services. i have not seen jason for maybe 8-9 years. sometimes funerals are good for mending fences and retying connections..... keep my dad in your prayers......

ok, so i ran into a person i wish i knew better outside the library- she asked me if i was pleased about the election, and i charged into a diatribe about i wished that gatewood had beaten e.f. and how i wish lois had beaten whatshisname and how i wished that i could have voted for school board.....and she told me that she had mistakenly voted straight democratic ticket (there is a button for this) and therefore missed out ont he chance to vote for gatewood. she said that she gets more and more liberal as she gets older and that she is from a republican family and sees them get more conservative as the years pass.....i started laughing, because she could be me when it comes to her politics-it was refreshing to know that i am not out there on a limb all by myself- there are others who have similar views...... of ocurse, i think she really wanted to talk about wet/dry- but i no longer discuss that issue- there is too much work and anxiety involved when it ocmes to liquour l.

ok, so people are coming out of the woodwork- volunteering to help us select wine for our new wine menu.............not that we necessarily require hand-holding. both jerry and i like to drink wine, and we have favorites that we would want to include. i like australian chardonnay- i think it is buttery and golden and just lucious. i hope we can serve one that is not too expensive by the glass. yes- by the glass- we cannot actually sell bottles- it has to be by the glass.......maybe this will be a good thing- people may try a $5 glass of australian white when they wouldn't have purchased a $20 bottle.........i am also keen on alsatian reislings.....yum yum.....maybe a will like spanish reds, ya never know.....