ok, so i am so angry today that i have resorted to terroristic housecleaning to channel this angst lest i do physical damage on my loved ones. i have cleaned out 3 towel and linen closets, and gone so far as to take at least 3 semi-ratty mattress covers and assorted bedding dating at least to my pre-marriage years to the goodwill. the peach colored comfortor i could have found a good home for- but today was the day that catharis is key. i took a load of recycling as well, including 2 boxes of old magazines that iloaded up from every cubby hole i could find- even new yorkers- that is how much i needed to find busywork. i rearranged books on the 'new' shelves in our bedroom- the ones that were supposed to give us leaway in terms of book storage- they are now hopelessly full, with stacks in front of shelved books to the point that one cannot see them.. in all of this semi-rage, i came across a book i had not noticed- called 'a wonderful son' printed on some sort of recycled paper with flowers and seeds imbedded in the fly paper, with poems and drawings and essays- the book was dedicated to 'a wonderful' son from his mother on 1/1/02. (just 3 months before she died.) of course i had not seen this book, because i was flying to europe on 1/1/02- only ernst went on from the airport into cincinnati- to see his mother. on this particular day i cannot see past my frustration at my own wonderful son to comtemplate such a tender gift-