hope versus dispair

ok, so....i am five month's post-accident....and while my ankle does a little bit better every day, i find that battling dispair takes up far too much of my mental energy....i am reminded of just how far i have to go the moment i land on my feet in the morning.....i cannot yet manage to get to the bathroom without grasping onto furniture for support, and must still walk down the steps one at a time with one hand on the rail and the other using the wall for support....i feel as though there is a circle of hemp rope inside my sock where my big toe should be...it prickles throughout the day, even when i am not walking on it....my sister-in-law mentioned in August at the reunion that she would really like to have Ernst and I travel to France with her and Nick E. during rose season....there are several world-class rose gardens near Paris.....i cannot imagine, at this point, walking further than a block or two at a time, which greatly limits one's range in sight-seeing unless one falls back to taxi's....and there is the rub....i am not a taxi-sort of traveler......too depressing to contemplate.....if i cannot even conceive of myself in Paris, how can i entertain my grander retirement plans....of the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compestello, or the Grand Traverse in New Zealand?.......heavy sigh....