closure?

ok, so i have decided that i can not bare to read any more news bites nor watch any more footage of either the boston marathon bombing nor the capture of the alledged bombers.....the photo of the younger brother brings me to tears...he does look like the angel his father claims him to be .....the notion that someone whose retired high school teachers still remember kindly could do something so horrific is beyond my understanding........hopefully he will see clear to explain his motives so that the rest of the world can begin to do what it takes to prevent others from following that mindset......but i digress from my own failure to find closure in more personal matters.....i deposited a sizable check into my checking account yesterday....then almost immediately had the teller move it all over to savings....the funds represent compensation for pain and suffering caused by the at-fault driver.....and i felt no joy whatsoever at the balance in my bank account.....not even enough pleasure to leave it where it could be spent.....i am no longer able to walk freely, and no amkount of money can erase that reality, nor cheer me up on days when ankle aches, or my toes are swollen, or i catch a glimpse of the bruising and striations from the cast that still run up the front of my leg.....i am assured that nothing can be done and if i am lucky the pain and swelling and lines will diminish.....and so they write me a check and assume that closure can be bought......i am not there yet...........

checking in

ok, so.....i cannot remmeber the last time i updated this blog....for that matter i cannot recall when i last updated my FB status.....which eithe rmeans that i have not updated anything of late, or that my short-term memory is fading fast....my exercise routine has collapsed....what with the wellness center pool closing yet again for repainting....i have gone from swimming after work M,T,W and before chores on S.....to nothing.....theoretically i could walk on the treadmill before or after work and watch my renaissance art dvd's....but i prefer to come home from work and head out to the greenhouse...to water and then to sit with a glass of wine...these days the greenhouse is crowded.....with buckets of year-old trees that came from the soil conservation folks....my son has worried more about where these should be planted on his property than about getting them in the ground before they die.....this morning i plan to plant a few of the red buds in my own yard.....i am pretty sure that my spouse has planted a few of the bur oaks in our woodlot as well as a yellow poplar in grandma's yard....yet there are still at least 50 trees remaining....ah well....i took a tour of my yard this morning, coffee in hand...the rose bushes are leafing out as are the fruit trees......the peas appear to have finally germenated and look ready to burst forth......the garlic planted in the fall looks quite robust..so much so that i might start using some....the actual in the yard looks worse than ever.....the seed planted in the bare spots does not seem to have taken hold despite the rainy weather and the straw to distract the birds....in my dreams a load of sod will appear and we will lay down an instantly lucious lawn.....some day we will bring in a couple of loads of dirt to give more depth above the limestone....and start over.....either that or i will plant groundcover and give up on grass altogther.....by this time in past years i would be nearly finished with weeding and mulching....i have done this chore in snatches but have not gone in search of a truckload of mulch...waiting until those trees get planted to reclaim the use of the truck....life is complicated......