and a Happy Thanksgiving to you as well.....

ok, so....I am cooking dinner at home this year.....Our youngest works til 3:30 at the Kroger and so we will plan on eating at 4:30-ish....I opted to buy two turkey breats rather than a whole turkey, mostly to save myself the days of dealing with the bones....yeah, yeah, yeah....one can make soup out of them, but that still leaves the odious chore of picking through the bones to get the meat off before or after stewing those bones for the broth.....We will be nine at supper, with our daughter's Mimi coming, our children, the daughter-in-law to be and her mother...we will be meeting the mother-in-law to be for the first time at this gathering....hopefully the avoidance of politics will be enough to keep the conversation smooth rather than awkward...I have already made the stuffing and rice-stuffed onions, and prepped the green beans, the Brussels sprouts, and the roasted sweet potatoes that will go into the sweet potato apple pear salad...I am getting ready to peel the potatoes which I will attept to cook slowly in the crockpot this year.....that pretty much leaves the turkey breasts to season and roast.....mostly I will spend the day setting the table and straightening up the house......and maybe even sweeping the porch, though at 15 degrees outside maybe not.......but I digress from those roasted onion hlaves stuffed with rice pilaf....I already regret tossing in some sun-dried tomatoes to the chopped celery, shredded carrots, and chopped onion......and I already regret topping them with bread crumbs.....what was I thinking?

the break-in

ok, so.....time has gotten away with me yet again...but better late than never to record life's challenges.....my mother called the house around 7:30 am Fridaythe 6th to let me know that someone had broken in to her house around 2:00 am through the front door, and that he/she had taken her television.....yikes......we dashed up the street to find the front storm door ajar, grass clippings tracked all about her downstairs.....and the empty spot where the aging television once sat.....i say aging, because it was at least 6-y ears old.....an even older laptop that i had found in an upstairs closet, a leftover from Andrew's residence, was taken from her computer desk...this was an easy snatch as it was not actually plugged in....i had found it and brought it downstairs in hopes of attaching a slide/photograph scanner at some point.....this piece of tech antiquity was at least 7-8 years old....hardly something that a discerning flea market customer would covet.....but i digress from the actual break-in....seems the thief had paused long enough on mother's front porch to take a few sips from a Coors Light before using the claw end of a hammer to pry open her storm door.....she had neglected to actually lock the deadbolt....heavy sigh....she recalled hearing the entry, and being awakened by a light shining in her face as she laid in her bed just off the kitchen.....the thief did not enter her room...likely surpised to find that someone was sleeping downstairs in a two story home.....her dog, a jittery wreck of a shetland sheepdog, did not bother to bark....which means she was terrified....this dog saves her yipping for her extended family...... rather than call us, or the police, she simply got out of bed when the thief left, shut her front door....and went back to bed......gracious sakes.....my spouse walked the circle with our dog while we waited for the sheriff/deputy to arrive...he noted that at least two other weekend/lake homes had been also entered.....at least one had a partially drunk beer sitting by a mangled window screen in the front yard....so.....we are back to insiting that mother lock her deadbolts....and our youngest child is moving in with her.....makes sense to have someone staying in the evenings to make sure that the doors are secure....mother and i went through her jewelry to make sure all is present, and i have brought home at least one piece that i would mourn if lost to us....a cameo ring that my dad bought for her early on in their relationship.....she does not wear it because the gold in the back has worn through....i have wrapped a bit of masking tape over the breach until i can have it fixed and sized to my hand.....i am not much for jewelry, but wearing this cameo ring has brought a bit of joy into what has been a wretched weekend....

pain and suffering.....

ok, so.....i am half-way through an aquatic boot-camp......and i must say that i hardly notice discomfort in my ankle these days.....what with the aches, pains and strains screaming from muscles and joints elsewhere in my body.....most of the other participants are women my age and in similar states of fitness so in some ways it is a nice Tuesday/Thursday evening Saturday morning outing.....if not for the grueling stints with weights, elastic bands etc.....i am fighting the urge to go back to bed.....but there is so much to do....i really must clean out my closet and get a load ready for the goodwill...and i really must weed my flower and vegetable beds...and i really must water the greenhouse.......there is more but i really would rather put my jammies back on and climb in bed......sadly, this would require me to get up out of this chair and climb the stairs.....not so certain i could rally the strength.....

heavy sigh

ok, so.....i cannot recall the last time i blogged...long enough ago for me to hesitate when i signed on to the account...i got up early on this first saturday in june to serve the steak and egg breakfast for the rotary club.....i had forgotten that this was an angst-ridden assignment....the semi-buffet line is served by the club members, but the supply of each breakfast item (biscuits, steak, eggs, hash brown casserole, white gravy) is managed by beef fesitval organizers.....as a reformed food service professional, the lack of organization makes me want to scream...but not enough to volunteer to organize the event myself......we ran out of steak before we ran out of sdvertised hours of operation....and when i told the lady taking tickets at the door that we could only serve steak to 6 more folks, she turned on me with hostility and asked me what she was supposed to do about it....to which i replied that she had better not sell more than 6 more tickets.....gracious......i stopped at the krogers on my way home....i had to call my spouse to repeat the list that i left on the kitchen counter....and one last stop...at the greenhouse hidden off bellows mills road to pick up the pepper plants that i have neglected to buy....i have the plants staged just outside the garage...and i could go on outside and plant them...or i could tackle the guest room.....we will have guests for the band festival afterall...and that means that i must complete my exhaustive sorting project in the guest room......find someplace to put it all by Thursday.....or throw it away.....i could re-cover the bench on the side desk with the oilcloth that just arrived....and hem the tablecloth that will complement the new cover...i have enough fabric to cover seatpads..the fourth option would be to take a nap and defer the choices/chores to another day.....

closure?

ok, so i have decided that i can not bare to read any more news bites nor watch any more footage of either the boston marathon bombing nor the capture of the alledged bombers.....the photo of the younger brother brings me to tears...he does look like the angel his father claims him to be .....the notion that someone whose retired high school teachers still remember kindly could do something so horrific is beyond my understanding........hopefully he will see clear to explain his motives so that the rest of the world can begin to do what it takes to prevent others from following that mindset......but i digress from my own failure to find closure in more personal matters.....i deposited a sizable check into my checking account yesterday....then almost immediately had the teller move it all over to savings....the funds represent compensation for pain and suffering caused by the at-fault driver.....and i felt no joy whatsoever at the balance in my bank account.....not even enough pleasure to leave it where it could be spent.....i am no longer able to walk freely, and no amkount of money can erase that reality, nor cheer me up on days when ankle aches, or my toes are swollen, or i catch a glimpse of the bruising and striations from the cast that still run up the front of my leg.....i am assured that nothing can be done and if i am lucky the pain and swelling and lines will diminish.....and so they write me a check and assume that closure can be bought......i am not there yet...........

checking in

ok, so.....i cannot remmeber the last time i updated this blog....for that matter i cannot recall when i last updated my FB status.....which eithe rmeans that i have not updated anything of late, or that my short-term memory is fading fast....my exercise routine has collapsed....what with the wellness center pool closing yet again for repainting....i have gone from swimming after work M,T,W and before chores on S.....to nothing.....theoretically i could walk on the treadmill before or after work and watch my renaissance art dvd's....but i prefer to come home from work and head out to the greenhouse...to water and then to sit with a glass of wine...these days the greenhouse is crowded.....with buckets of year-old trees that came from the soil conservation folks....my son has worried more about where these should be planted on his property than about getting them in the ground before they die.....this morning i plan to plant a few of the red buds in my own yard.....i am pretty sure that my spouse has planted a few of the bur oaks in our woodlot as well as a yellow poplar in grandma's yard....yet there are still at least 50 trees remaining....ah well....i took a tour of my yard this morning, coffee in hand...the rose bushes are leafing out as are the fruit trees......the peas appear to have finally germenated and look ready to burst forth......the garlic planted in the fall looks quite robust..so much so that i might start using some....the actual in the yard looks worse than ever.....the seed planted in the bare spots does not seem to have taken hold despite the rainy weather and the straw to distract the birds....in my dreams a load of sod will appear and we will lay down an instantly lucious lawn.....some day we will bring in a couple of loads of dirt to give more depth above the limestone....and start over.....either that or i will plant groundcover and give up on grass altogther.....by this time in past years i would be nearly finished with weeding and mulching....i have done this chore in snatches but have not gone in search of a truckload of mulch...waiting until those trees get planted to reclaim the use of the truck....life is complicated......

panic driving home from work.....

ok, so...the snow ramped up as i was walking out the door at 4:30.......and it was not really the snow that got to me...it was the slipperiness and the slight skid as i was trying to brake at the intersection where my original wreck took place.....omg.....thankfully i was able to stop before the red.....heavy sigh.....i drove on but opted to drive on home rather than going on to the gym....i was still fighting tears...at some point this PTSD will pass and i will be able to function without flashbacks.....but that today was not one of those days....

weary

ok, so....my days remain defined by the accident despite my weak efforts to focus on what i can do rather than what i cannot...pain has a way of keeping one's attention front and center upon the source.....i did hear this week from my representation, who disclosed the best case scenario settlement....more than i had imagined so i gave my consent readily.....i will not believe it til i hold a check in my hands....and thewn must come the decisions on what to do with it.....pay us both back for what we took out of savings to buy the replacement car......put aside some for future travels.....maybe add to my retirement account.....recover the chairs in the back room...buy some kayaks.....none of these options is preferable to having my mobility back.....

a carrot in front of my cart

ok, so....i bought plane tickets and booked hotel rooms for a trip to italy in the fall.....fly into venice, take the train to florence then a bus to siena and on to rome by bus as well before flying back.....the flight to venice has two stops and the flight back from rome has only one stop.....did not think that making the hotel bookings with the credit card would be problematic until we got a messgae on the answering machine from the credit card fraud division expressing concern about charges made abroad....nice they pay attention yet i am thankful that the reservations all went through...selected hotels within sight (venice) or reasonable walking distance from boat/train station/bus station.....and then there is the walking in general....i will have to up my level of fitness to be able to manage this vacation, given that i think twice before i get up out of my chair to get a document off of the printer down the hall.....my ankle is still stiff everyday and my limp gets more profound as the day goes on....to say that pain is involved is an overstatement.....not pain, not tenderness....more like discomfort....going up and down stairs as well as walking up inclines (like my own front walk to get the mail) is managable if i take my time.....taking my time is not my travel style.....i am more the batamn death march sort of traveler.....frankly, i do not see myself getting back to that level of recovery....but i can see myself walking at a leisurely pace, even in my current state.....

hesitant

ok, so i have been concocting travel scenarios for weeks......trying to come up with the best possible one-week trip to Italy in October...the current contender .....fly into Venice then train to Florence then on to Siena with an overnight stop continuing on to Rome....possibly paying as little as 10 Euros each if we can figure out how to buy the tickets on-line....and then flying home from Rome with a single stop in Charlotte....sounds fabulous and ambitious and doable...so why have i not booked the particulars like airfare and hotels?......the notion of travel where i do not know the language is frightening......and ridiculously so, given the likelihood that there will be somebody who can understand the italian words i intend to learn between now and then....more the more likely explanation is my lingering limp....which is knida the point about planning a trip so far away...something to get fit for and to train for....have i so little confidence that this ankle will get better that i would forgoe a trip rather than face?

golly neds

ok, so.....my go-to phrase for the frustrations of getting around with a stiff and sometimes painful ankle is golly neds.....no memory of any of my close kin using the same expletive....despite the knowledge that this phrase is something someone's granny would say and certainly not a term used by the hip kids.....heavy sigh....hard to contemplate the majore trips i have in mind for our retirement.....the 4-day hike across new zealand's south island and the pilgrimage to santiago des compostella from the pyrenees across northern spain......on the other hand, my mood was lightened this week by my spouses's suggestion that i start planning a trip to 'train' for...someplace that will involve some walking for one that could encorporate frequent stops for meals/snacks/beverages/general gawking.....gentle readers, i do not need much of an excuse for a trip, and immediately settled on venice as the perfect place for a trip sometime this fall....seems doable even for someone with a gimpy leg, and plenty of opportunity for stops in cafes......have ordered an assortment of guidebooks and an italian phrase book....enjoying the investigation of potential flights, b&b's, itineraries....the glass is back to half-full rather than half empty....

6 months.....

ok, so....six months ago.....fresh from my accident.....numerous friends and relatives assured me to 'give it six months'.....ankles take at six months to get back to normal....heavy sigh....six months passes quickly by on this day and i am far from normal....i struggle to get up and down stairs....less so if traversing with both hands clasping rails....most steps are taken down one at a time, even if i am carrying nothing of consequence....i did manage to carry my coffee upstairs to shower and dress, but then i had to leave it there and make more downstairs....one feels so ashamed to ask help in bringing down one's coffee.....maybe if i put it in a camel-back device....i cannot yet balance on one foot if that foot is attached to the ankle broken six months ago.....let alone do single leg lifts on that side anywhere but in waist-high water.....swimming 30 minute laps is essential for my sanity, but i freely admit that swmiiming will not get me ready for travel to anywhere that requires walking of any distance or terrain that deviates from flat.....gentle reader, please do not mistake this update for anything other than that...an update....i have ceased to feel sorry for myself....and have hunkered down into the resolve that i can make all this better over time.....how much time?......not six months it would appear....

checking off the list

ok, so...i spent a fair amount of time over the past two long holiday weekends cleaning out the laundry room, hauling junk to the goodwill,transferring the rest to the furnace room, and washing down reachable surfaces...and so today i opened the mint green paint leftover from the upstairs bathroom to for the walls and leftover white enamel for the shelves, trim and steps.....the steps were the last...and required an exit through the door in stephan's room......i locked one of the two locks...must go back later and secure the deadbolt......all that is left is to purchase floor paint...but actually painting the floor must wait until the youngest goes back to school.....

coulda, shoulda, woulda

ok, so.....i come to the last day of 2012 with the burden of things not done rather than the satisfaction of things that i actually managed to accomplish.....how is it that my cup flip-flops between half-full and half empty so frequently?.....so, here is my 2013 bucket list, in no particular order.....rearrange the basement then repaint the walls, floors and steps.....lay bricks to the greenhouse......repurpose the area under the deck......paint the walls and ceiling of the cabin white.......get serious with drip hose placement in all garden beds.....notice the lack of travel related goals?.....hard to envision travel when one cannot walk 1/4 mile without pain.....ah well...back to filing/sorting/pitching in the newly established office area in the guest bedroom.....maybe i can finish this task in 2012....

blindsided

ok, so.....i swam laps after work....30 minutes back and forth followed by 5 minutes of leg lifts in the sem-shallow end...then home to cook supper.....opted to skip the post-meal television viewing with the remaining fam, as the third child chose a documentary on pit bulls for their viewing pleasure.....played bejeweled instead.....and that turned out to be the beginning of an unfortunate discussion at bedtime.....over concerns on the part of my dearest that i am not doing enough to quick-start my recovery....why was i wasting time on FB games when i could be walking on the treadmill.....when i found myself really disabled would not i regret sitting all those hours at the computer?.....gentle readers, i have been swimming after work faithfully four times a week since the beginning of september....when i could drive there myself....swimming is something i can do without pain.....walking is still something that i do when i have to.....my beloved contends that one must walk through the pain if one is to recover....he has been injured so many times i suppose he would know....but i have never been injured and that logic makes no sense to me.....

hope versus dispair

ok, so....i am five month's post-accident....and while my ankle does a little bit better every day, i find that battling dispair takes up far too much of my mental energy....i am reminded of just how far i have to go the moment i land on my feet in the morning.....i cannot yet manage to get to the bathroom without grasping onto furniture for support, and must still walk down the steps one at a time with one hand on the rail and the other using the wall for support....i feel as though there is a circle of hemp rope inside my sock where my big toe should be...it prickles throughout the day, even when i am not walking on it....my sister-in-law mentioned in August at the reunion that she would really like to have Ernst and I travel to France with her and Nick E. during rose season....there are several world-class rose gardens near Paris.....i cannot imagine, at this point, walking further than a block or two at a time, which greatly limits one's range in sight-seeing unless one falls back to taxi's....and there is the rub....i am not a taxi-sort of traveler......too depressing to contemplate.....if i cannot even conceive of myself in Paris, how can i entertain my grander retirement plans....of the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compestello, or the Grand Traverse in New Zealand?.......heavy sigh....

another day, much like every other

ok, so.....the repetitive nature of my life is getting a bit much....i wake up, try to flex and stretch my right ankle for a bit, then put my feet to the floor, and stagger to find my footing as i wince in pain....and then i take the steps one at a time, grasping the rail on one side and leaning on the wall on the other....and then i limp down the hall, dodging the dog who seems determined to trip me up before i can put his food in his bowl....all the while the cat is darting back and forth under my feet wanting her breakfast as well....and finally i sit down at the computer desk and wish that i did not have to get up and get dressed any time soon....it is saturday, which means that i should get to the pool as soon after opening at 8:00 am as possible to assure myself of getting a lane....and then comes the round of grocery stores...first the kroger and then the aldi and then i come home to laundry, watering the greenhouse, etc.....i suppose the monotony would not seem so monotonous if pain was not involved.....well...pain is not quite the correct descriptive....more like excessive discomfort at this point....add in the continued numbness in my big toe......heavy sigh...i am so very tired of having to think twice before i get up out of my chair, knowing that getting from point a to point b is more of an ordeal that it should be....yes, it could be worse and i have no reason to complain given that reality.....i remain hopeful that this time next year this will all be a faded memory....

more of the same....

ok, so....this week was much like many others.....drag myself out of bed, after flexing my foot this way and that during the npr news update at the bottom of the hour.....then on to work...and then to the pool to swim and then home to get supper on the table and then to bed.....i managed ot get a bit of shopping done yesterday after swimming....two groceries and then stops at local businesses to buy gift cards and stocking stuffers....cannot embrace the notion of a cash-only Christmas for my children just yet.....i also bought cards to send from the collected us that includes my mother....and i started to think about the annual letter...and that is hwere i got sidetracked.....do i sugar-coat the past year into peppy sound bites or do i disclose the darker underbelly of disappointment and unfulfilled hopes/dreams? and that is just me....no clue how my family will vote....

the new normal

ok, so.....i woke up today and for a moment i forgot that my foot/ankle is still in transition between broken and whole.....it only takes the flash of pain when my feet hit the floor to remind me that i have a long ways to go....lets go through the checklist....my big toe is still mostly numb...like it fell asleep and has not quite come back to life.....pins and needles.....quite disturbing....the notion that my doctor says that it may not get any better than this....on days when my foot is a bit swollen my other toes join the big toe in the pins and needles thing, but that happens less and less.....on to the ankle....it remains swollen...not like the goose-egg coming out of each side like it once was....but visibly bigger than my left ankle....as for pain, it has centered on the right side....the discomfort appears to be in direct proportion to how fast i walk....geisha steps do not register, but strides make me wince....gentle readers....walking fast and deliberate is my trademark....and for my doctor to tell me that it may not get any better than this is both discouraging and a challenge.....to prove him wrong...all wrapped up in one...i continue to swim laps at least 4 days a week...at least 30 minutes of laps before i practice standing on the broken foot and doing ankle lifts to strengthen it. I am considering an exercycle to increase the cardio workout without putting too much weight on the ankle.....and to jumpstart a bit of weight loss....i suppose my ankle would hurt less if i weighed less.....but that is a lament for another day....

last hurrah?

ok, so i escorted my mother to the polling place this morning...after swimming laps.....and she seemed very pleased to have a picture ID to show the poll worker.....she took great care to fill out her ballot....i waited at an acceptable distance in case i could be accused of voter supression.....we drove to applebees for lunvh and then to krogers.....she fussed frequently about the television in her room that has not sound and cojoled me to drive her to the walmart to buy a new tv....no...i admonished...your doctor specifically instructed you to watch the television in your backroom because it has a back-supportive chair....you do yourself a disservice to watch television from your bed.....heavy sigh.....i recalled the last time my father voted....my mother insisted that she accompany him into the booth to shop him how to vote.....the voting place folks interceded and insisted that if he could not vote on his own he should not vote at all.....will she be with us to vote in 2016? heavy, heavy....sigh