a student in my class tonight commented on food additives as a reason for the early development of girls in america. she claimed that her pediatrician had told her that her own daughter (age 10) probably developed early because of all the processed food she ate. I really cannot believe that preservatibves would have anything to do with early estrogen production, but i didn't tell her so. i have not yet mentioned the eku class that i teach 2 semesters a year- nutrition 201, required for nursing students. the best students are the mature ones- in their late 20's to late 50's, who have already worked awhile- married, had children, and have gone back to school to do something they want to do. they study harder, make better grades,and contribute much more colorfully to class discussion. college, it could be saie, it wasted on those who have just finished high school. the young ones tend to sit in the back and chat amongst themselves rather than pay attention.....i wished that i had paid more attention to selected college classes- like art history. i had been to many art museums at the time, but lacked the curiosity to study paintings closely for composition, focal point, etc. when i was actually in front of famous paintings. in brussels i particularly enjoyed rachel's discussion on alterpieces, the reason for the two sides, the meaning of the fantastic creatures amongst the religious elements. etc. how enviable to grow up with an artist.....

ok, so i am going to have to invest in all of ani's cd's, as i like the edge on her lyrics. cayle may be too young for them, however. speaking of too young, a friend commented yesterday about cayle's development- about she seems young to start developing and that we had better keep a careful eye. this friend went on to share with us that her daughter developed early and was date raped at age 15 while out with a 23 year old that that they had to prosecute. ernst about had a stroke thinking about the future ahead with our daughter. my first thought was about the wisdom of letting a 15 year old out with anybody let alone a 23 year old. i wasn't allowed to car date until i could drive on my own 'just in case'- which seems reasonable to me now though it didn't seem so then. of course, i tell cayle that she won't be able to date until she has graduated from college and has a job.......

sticky hands turned out to be an ani defrnaco fan- this is cut/pasted from his latest blog;...

The Official Driving Song.. if you don't know it download it. it is our driving song... right em


Imperfectly- Ani DiFranco


i'm okay
if you get me at a good angle
and you're okay
in the sort of light
and we don't look
like pages from a magazine
but that's all right
that's all right


i crashed your pickup truck
and then i had to drive it back home
i was crying
i was so scared
of what you would do
of what you would say
but you just started laughing
so i started laughing along
saying, it looks a little rough
but it runs okay
it looks a little rough
but it runs good anyway


we get a little further from perfection
each year on the road
i guess that's what they call character
i guess that's just the way it goes
better to be dusty than polished
like some store window mannequin
why don't you touch me where i'm rusty
let me stain your hands


when you're pretty as a picture
they pound down your door
but i've been offered love
in two dimensions before
and i know that it's not all
it's made out to be
let's show them how it's done
let's do it all imperfectly



posted by Mo The Phoenix at 10:20:22 PM

i see that my blog name pales in comparison to others, such as sticky hands, sticky arms....i might just have to start reading that one. yesterday i made a 27 mile pilgrimage to the wine and beer store in lawrenceburg. they had a sign above the counter that read...a $10 surcharge will be added to your bill if you are irritating, annoying or just plain mean. frankly, i don't see myself as mean enough to warrant an extra $10... maybe $5 on a really bad day....

i am still upset about my church, and whether i see myself going there through stephan's high school years let alone cayle's. the possibility of switching churches comes to mind. many of stephan's friends are catholic- i cannot be a catholic because i am firmly opposed to the catholic church's stance on many issues-marriage of priests, women as priests, birth control, etc. i could not join that church in good faith, and they would certainly not want me. if stephan wanted to go to their youth group on his own, that would be his decision. ernst and i attended the episcopal church a few times- they are more liberal than the catholics, with many of the same liturgical features, and with progressive notions about woman as priests. i could see myself as an episcopal, i suppose. the main drawback to switching churches is manyfold- i have frequently held in contempt those who switched from our church when they didn't like rev. noel. i really do like my sunday school class- i have attended this class for 15 years- and enjoy many of the members. it could be considered one of the social highlights of my week. lastly, i do not want to have to explain my switch because of the hard feelings that may arise. i could easily move myself over to the methodist church and sit with my mother in the pew. that way i would not have to discuss the youth issue at all- i can just say that it was done for family unity. of course, stephan and cayle may not like their youth group, either. non-attendence of church is not an option. i feel that my children need the church backround, to draw upon for strength and rejuvination in tough times. when they are on their own they can make their own church choices, but while they are with me they will at least go to church with me and sit as a family. if this is a sign of a mean mamma........

mean mamma is in theologocial turmoil, and she has got it bad. its all about church and the oldest's graduation, and i can't see a good solution. the oldest refuses to be included in our church's annual senior recognition sunday. this goes beyond shyness- rather to a feeling of alienation on his part to the church. i didn't quite understand the extent of this alientation until youth sunday yesterday- when the youth group did the service. stephan, the second son, calls our church's youth group the boyle county social club, as 100% are from the county and what few danville city school students who actually go to our church have given up on it. during one of the prayers, a junior at bchs actually prayed thanks to the best church and the best school SYSTEM in the best town in america. not plural, singular. that could have been a slip, but the sentiment has always been plain that the county kids are friends and the non-county kids are not part of the group. Andrew quit going to sunday school years ago, and i suspect that stephan will do the same soon. i do not blame andrew for not wanting to be associated with this crowd, at least not as much, after the service. for starts, they did an 'interpretive' song- which bordered on ridiculous- with hands motions similar to american deaf language but corny beyond words. it was a bit over the top in relation to my confort level on public displays of religious fervor. the personal testimonies really got to me- one senior girl from bchs described a writing portfolia piece in which she recollected a christian rock concert she had attended at which she had an epiphany about not prejudging other people based on appearance. then she preceded to admit that she had fabricated most of the story, but contended that she still did not judge others by appearance- that may be so, but i do suspect that my son's decreasing interest in attending our church has something to do with the prejudging and exclusion of those who do not attend bchs.

on the other hand, andrew has attended this church since he was three years old, he was baptised there, and is a member. i am saddened that he feels no connection to people who have watched him grown up before their eyes. senior recognition cermeonies, like graduation ceremonies are not just for the people being honored. they are for the parents, and others who have supported and nurtured these youths for all these years. to simply refuse to show up because you are shy or because you don't feel connected isn't a good enough reason to not show up. life is a two way relationship between you and those around you. there are things you do to be part of a community. to not show up slaps us all in the face.

the newest dilemna for my mean mamma rule of blog ettiquette revolves around the inside knowledge one gleans from reading blogs. does one pretend that one does not actually know that a new mean mamma has emerged and that her daughter is terribly distressed about not being able to have her boyfriend over while her parents go out on a well-earned date? being that i am eternally mean, i blabbed this the moment i saw said mean mamma, and asked her if she has made up a little dance to go along with her newfound meanness. i neglected to add to the conversation that i tell my 9 year-old daughter that she may not go out with boys, or have them over until she has finished college and has a job. so far she believes me......so far neither of my boys have asked to have dates over while i am gone. .....

speaking of high school boys, i had a mother of a junior boy get in my face at cayle's under-10 soccer game saturday about the behavior of high school boys. she got rigfht in my face, in a driving rain, no less, and asked me if i was aware that my oldest high school boy goes to 'those parties they have' and that he drank beer. and if i knew it did i condone it and what was i going to do about it if i didn't approve. when i got over the shock of this woman's ranting, i pointed out that it would be naive of me to believe that my child will never drink alcohol, let alone beer- and that my concern was that he not drink too much beer and not drive whilst doing do or after doing so. i added, just for kicks, that i also prefer that he drink decent beer, not that cheap wimpy stuff they sell in 24 packs like pepsi. well, i didn't say cheap wimpy stuff, but i did make a comment about drinking decent beer. i also said that i would rather him drink beer than whiskey or vodka, and that so far he had shown reasonable judgement in his partying. then i pointed out that her son must also be at these parties to know so much about my child......

this part of mean mamma parenthood is difficult. as a died in the wool liberal, it is a tough call about underage drinking, which can get people hurt or jailed, or worse. on the other hand, i truly enjoyed drinking a beer or two with my underage children in brussels, strasbourg, lambsheim and haarlem. my cousin edwin in lambsheim was thrilled that my children enyoyed the beers he bought for them and that both seemed to hold it well. ben franklin said it well, everything in moderation. good advice for drinkers of any age.

ok, here's my april poem-

there is no fool like an april fool,
some see to their dismay,
but none compare to the wiseass poems
one reads near the month of may.....


i am working up a little dance routine to go along with this, i'll keep ya posted

ok, so there are more concerts that i wish that i had seen, or at least parts of concerts. i wish had seen led zep singing stairway to heaven, kashmir, the battleofnevermore, and misty mountain hop. i wish i had seen elton john sing the candle in the wind tribute to princess diana- that would have actually put me at her funeral, you see....i would like to see eric clapton singing bell bottom blues, the beatles singing anything they wanted, but especially hey jude (the long version) and come together. i can clearly remember the first time i ever heard that song- in susan bishop's basement- it was the flip side of something- i think- on the 45 single version. i like the part about carrying pictures of chairman mao...even after 30 or more years. wait, that's revolution.. oh well when you are as old and mean as me, details get muddled along the way............

i envy petra's bob dylan's concert tickets. ernst and i had friends read the lyrics to forever young at our wedding. i regret that i never saw bd in concert. so what concerts have i gotten to go to? bruce springstein, bbking, joe walsh, the eagles, dan fogleburg (3 times), the beach boys, steely dan ( on their only concert tour), crosby, stills, and nash, todd rungren, yoyo ma, pure prairie league, leon redbone, jonathon edwards, jethro tull, .... there are more, but i can't recall them now. jethro tull and crosby, stills, and nash were outstanding. i regret that i never saw them with neil young. my favorite song is cowgirl in the sand- the 4 way street version, of course.

i am so impressed by rachel's web site, and all of her graphics, pull-down menus, links, and other accroutrements(sp) i just thought i would divulge this sentiment. i like the word divulge, by the way. a commentator on npr was doing a rebuttal to recent reviews of alainis morrisette's new album, in which mags like rolling stone etc have lambasted a.m. for using thesaurus words like divulge. i appreciate writers who use vivid terms- it is like having stephan's word of the day on a larger scale. i wonder if alainis has ever written a poem about the month of april......the web audience at large, or at least just me waits impatiently for the 'poems about months' poet to divulge his april poem........

text from 40's era postcards for sale in our antique loft:

July 27, 1941 photo of court house in st.paul minnesota

Dear Joe,

How are you. I received your card and was glad to here from you. Joe, I would like to come down to see you, but i cod not. It is too far to town.

From Emmit

Card from Cataline island, Ca; no date

Hellow Wanda,

We are all well. I am making Louise a dress and also baking bread. We went up to Brodersons one evening. I suppose you heard that Albert's brother was shot. We thought it was Albert at first. Old Maggie is dead. Tom is going to town today. I had a card from Lizzie and May this week. We also had a card from Emmit. He told us not to write again. So bye bye, Lizzie. (Send me a note.)


Card from San Gabriel Mission, Ca no date

Dear Sister,

How are you. We all have colds. We are going to Irene's tomorrow. We had a _____last night for the kids. I thought you woulkd invite me out to your house to eat, but no such luck. My thoughts are in vain. We hope anyway that you enjoy it and wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year.

Lizzie (we hope you are all happy)


Gosh, i sure hope that Lizzie didn't write to Emmit again.......and that Emmit finally got to go see Joe in town.

the going rate for a plane ticket leaving cincinnati 01/01/03 to barcelona is $708 not including tax- it has to get much lower than this.......

ok- now i am really ticked off. i went back to knitting lady's site, hoping to find an afghan pattern- this crazy woman only has photos of all of her knitting projects- at least 100 of them- but not one actual pattern. what is up with that? i guess she is proud of each and every pair of socks that she has made, but not inclined to share the actual pattern for said socks.

somehow, this afghan pattern setback makes me thaink more of going to the dorgogne this winter- i bet that i could find an afghan pattern there- happily patterns for knitting are universal with regards to k,p,yo, etc. it might even help my french to use a french-based pattern. of course, explaining my need for a trip to my spouse on the basis of the need for an afghan pattern may be on the flimsy side.......but then, i AM the mean mamma....

i am enjoying this 'one new blog a day' thing. i just went to wendy's knitting blog- at wendyjohnson.net. yesterday she photographed and posted all of her sock yarn, and sometime last week she knitted 1 inch of a complicated sweater. i should go back and see if she has a decent aghan pattern- i have some of my motherinlaw's yarn in a box in the back of my car......maybe i could just knit instead of blog.

i am delighted to discover who my oldest son has asked to the prom. i think she is a marvelous choice- very extraordinary with regards to brains, personality, and joie-de-vivre. now i must extract a promise that i will get to see them all dressed up before the dance- as he will not be coming to his own prom dinner party here at the restaurant....the best laid plans, as they say.......i wonder if she can knit?

i went to a 'recently' edited blog called simply mama. this mama didn't sound mean- just bored to tears watching madtv and conan when she cannot sleep. i hope that i sound more mean than boring......

the new gourmet came today.....i spent the last 45 minutes perusing the recipes that i won't make anytime soon. and ogling the locales that i won't visit anytime soon, and windered why i take this magazine. because i am mean is the obvious answer, but not the truth. i take this magazine IN CASE i get a batch of lemon grass in my clutches, and IN CASE i find myself on the amalfi coast. somehow, my whims( a rental car loop between barcelona,carcassonne, bordeaux, bilbao, and barcelona) have not made the big time with an article all their own.

i enjoyed reading petra's blog about praha today. i had considered going to praha on my last excursion,. but deemed it too far. i would have like stephan to have seen the fred and ginger house. i would have liked to have heard mozart in a church setting. one of these days i will make it there myself.

i had someone comment recently that ernst must be a particularly tolerant spouse, because i travel so much without him. for thew record, i have traveled extensively with my spouse- to 38 states, and 8 foreign countries- some with our children and some with just ourselves. when i am done traveling wit places that andrew, stephan and cayle would like, i will go with ernst to placs that he will like- the appalachian trail, the trans america bike trail, australia/nz, windjammmer cruises.... big bend.... these days somebody has to stay with cayle, and ernst hasn't seemed to hot on midwinter trips to northern europe.

the last passage has made me nostalgic for my father, who traveled to all the states and 14 foreign countries. i miss him listing them all now that he is completely senile. every ounce of my being that aches for the open road comes from herbert crown- the man born to travel. one of the few things that regret from the life on this earth is that my children do not fully remember my dad as himself. or recall my dad showing slides of his trips. or witnessing my dad planning his next trip. i grew up with a next trip always at hand. the stack of slides that is now in the backroom cabinet is of alaska- i took them out to use the carrosel for my own roots tour to europe.
i really need to look at these slides myself- set up dad's projector and enjoy them for what they are- but i am just not ready for that yet, as a daughter...of a father in the twilight.

ok- so i am the mean mamma. yesterday i put in aload of stephan's clothes, and neglected to check eah pair of pants for contraband. one gap pair had 2 pens in a pocket- which tainted the entire load. using an entire can of hairspray i was able to get out all of the pen smudges except for the mother lode pen pocket- that pair will have to go to the dry cleaners. ironically, the hairspray came in the mail as a free sample, and was unopened at the time of the inkstain tragedy, as i am far too mean to use hairspray.......

ok, so this planning for a potential trip this winter has jumped into warpspeed.....the newest scenaria:
day 1- fly to barcelona
day 2- arrive barcelona
day 3- barcelona
day 4-rent car at airport, drive up the costa brava to france/ on to carcassonne
day 5 drive along garonne river through dordogne to bordeaux
day 6 wine tasting; lunch; museum with cave painting reproduction and roman ruins
day 7 drive to birrtiz for lunch then on to bilbao
day 8 bilbao
day 9 drive to barcelona, stop at monestary outside the city
day 10 drive to roman ampitheater and aquaduct south of barcelona
day 11 fly home

i feel so blessed mean today. let me see- what can i do today to make my children miserable.....

i waited 55 minutes at stonegate gardens yesterday for the frontloade to get fixed so i could get the load of mulch that i paid for. if i knew the frontloader was broken i would not have bought mulch.......the load only got to the middle bed, and only part of that. it will surely take another 2-3 loads to finish up. this load really smelled like a hog farm....scrary.....andrew asked at supper what mulch is made from. stephan replied 'old growth forests'. he said that the most expensive mulch would be made from boards pulled out of historic homes, like mt vernon. i would prefer to mulch with ground up $100 bills.....

my first rose is blooming- stanwell perpetual has one tiny blossom- noticed on 4/20/02. that may be a record for us.

this afternoon we are hosting a bridal shower for 26 people- it is hard to serve a group of women who insist on spending more time out front smoking cigarettes than they do eating our food or opening presents. the bride is probably one of the smokers......several have commented about our rule for smoking outside rather than inside. somehow, a bridal shower in a smoke filled room seems declasse even for this part of the country. at least the favors at each placesetting weren't packs of marboral lights.......

on public radio the other night as i drove home from work, there was a group of buddhist monks doing gutteral chants that sounded especially primal and/or repulsive. the comentator wanted to review how these chants play into the buddhist religion. the lead monk highlighted the tenets of their faith- purity of thought, search for truth, achievement of righteous emptiness. i am still worried over the emptiness part- i spend my days trying to acheive fullness- i see nothing righteous about emptiness. in fact, i see nothing productive about the monks life- they don't help anybody and their self-reflection could be considered self indulgent as opposed to serving mankind. clearly, i am not cut out of the same cloth as the buddhists.

ok, so i was wrong about byron white- though he was nominated by jfk, he voted against roe v wade and against other pro-choice questions that came before the court. with the senate in control of the senate, w will have a hard time getting through a candidate that is too right wing.....at least i hope that is the case.....

on the way to work, npr ran a story about the manhattan bulb project. on 9/12, the director of parks in manhattan received a call from a bulb grower inholland, asking how he could help- this grower personally sent 500,000 daffodil bulbs, and the city of rotterdam sent another 500.000 bulbs. volunteers planted them in as many bleak sections of the city ass they could manage- this week they are in bloom- a city reborn.......of course, i teared up as the story ran, because it struck me as such a sweet gesture on the part of the dutch, a population that shares some of my roots. i find it ironic that sentimental news clips can bring me to tears, while trench-warfare with andrew at home, with him screaming in my face - doesn't evoke that emotional response. maybe he justs wants to see me cry, and maybe thats why i just won't.

i have done some checking about my dream getaway to spain. the plane tickets are $700+ at this point, the train doesn't go straight from barcelona to bilbao- goes through madird for a major time consuming stour, and plane tickets from barcleona to bilbao rt are $271- there is going to have to be a major price-war special fares thing going before this trip will happen any time soon.....

ok, so i want to go everywhere in spain now that i borrowed a dk spain book from the library. we could land in barcelona, see the gaudi stuff then take the train to bilbao to see the gehry stuff. of course, while i am writing this blog i an NOT doing my children's home work that could put me closer to having the moeny to do the spain thing.....

on my way to work there is a house for sale- with 5 bedrooms. this house is a box dug into a hill with a basement- the notion that there are 5 bedrooms has prompted several discussions with stephan before he gets out at the hs- are there 3 br up and 2 down- is there a bed in the laundry room- is the upstairs nothing more than 3 br and a kitchen? ah well, i am not interested enough to call the realtor and see for myself.

i envy poets, and people who think with their words in such a pleasing order- i spent yesterday trying to compose a poem in my head- but couldn't even find a first line. i like this poem by edna st. vincent millay-

my candle burns at both ends, it cannot last the night
but ah, my friends and oh, my foes
it makes a lovely light

i can certainly understand the sentiment of burning the candle at both ends. my new profession is a lot of intensive work followed by inexplicable lulls. ironically, on the busiest days, i don't have time to eat, and often remember that i have not eaten when i am already at hom,e and have neglected to bring something tasty with me.

i have got this notion that i want to fly to paris on 1/1/03 then take the tgv to biarritz on 1/3/03 and then on to bilbao. bilbao and the guggenheim have gotten into my mind and i can't get them out. i want to ride the subway where the entrance looks like big steel worms. i want to eat tapas and drink a nice red from riojas. of course, i know no spanish beyond gracias and mucho gracias. maybe i will pick up spanish faster than i picked up german........maybe stephan and i could make an excursion of it with rachel and petra- we had a good time on the last trip. andrew may want to come, but will probably want to work and earn some money.....if i got the kids back to school by 1/6/03 or 1/7/03, maybe the school wouldn't be too upset.

ok, so i can't spell byron correctly. we two-finger typists, who lack the dexteritity to use all fingers to tap keys at will, have to do the best we can with what we have got.....andrew appears to have tremondous typing skills- he appears to be able to type faster than he can write. i took a summer typing course in high school, assuming that i would need to know how to type papers when i got to college. i seem to recall using a borrowed portable typewriter in my dorm room- maybe i still have it somewhere. typing on a real keyboard is a greater challenge than a computer steup- it takes more pressure to depress the keys. my biggest mistakes were in the switching of letters- like bryon versus byron- i used up a lot of white out in the days before spell check.

i watched 24 with ernst last night. i have not seen all of the episodes, and feel a bit lost at some points when i can't quite follow the many plot lines. there are 4 'hours' to go and lots of explaining to do in this far-fetched tale. happily i walked 20 minutes on the treadmill so the time wasn't a total bust. i find as i get older that television is not my primary choice for entertainment- i would rather sit in a hot tub, drink a cold beer, and read a book. the conservative right in boyle county would prefer that i drive 28 miles to get that beer, as the purchase locally would corrupt our youth, cause litter on our streets, and mayhem with the inevitable drivers under the influence. youth have been corrupted for centuries- socrates was convicted of corrupting youth in a time when beer and wine were the only beverages available. how silly the moralists are when it comes to 'protecting' society.....even christ drink a glass or two of wine with his friends, but the right wingers would have us to believe that it was really grape juice in his glass.....

enough of these rantings- i have got to get to work, cook some food, and get on with the day.

i am distressed by the death yesterday of bryon white, one of the supremes- appointed by JFK himself. he was one of the more liberal justices- and will surely be replaced by one of the more conservative people that W can pull out of his bag of people to whom he owes political favors. maybe ken lay? he's not doing anything these days. maybe ashcroft will volunteer for a lateral move from attorney general to supreme court. regardless of who is the replacement, the possibilities for right-wing agenda to prevail in the court is especially frightening. roe v wade may be 30 or so years old, but here are those who would take us back to the days of home-done abortions, or backstreet hack jobs. the book i am reading, living with cats, is an autobiographical piece about and by marge piercy, a poet, novelist and activit. she chronicaled her own home-done abortion in the 60's, from which she nearly bled to death. my husband's grandmother(melva may morning ernst) died of complications of an illegfal abortion, in a age when unmarried catholic women just didn't have babies. my mother-in-law once told me this tale, then later retracted it, but i believe that it is true. who would make up this kind of stuff about your own mother if it didn't have truth to it? i believe that life begins somewhere between conception and birth- when the fetus could live on its own if born at that moment. abortions are commonly done when the fetus is about the size of a thumbnail, and therefore i do not believe that we are dealing with life- only potential for life. i lost a baby to ectopic pregnancy somewhere before 12 weeks- there was nothing to bury and nothing to name- just lost potential that we mourned at the time and continue to mourn in our own ways. before 12 weeks, i believe that women have the right to choose whether to continue with this potential for life or to end it.

stephan asked at supper if mean and hateful necessarily go together. can one be a mean mamma and not be hateful? is being hateful part and parcel of being a mean mamma? andrew appears to beleive that ebing annoying is part of being mean.... i drove into town to try to jump his car 'in front of the library' after he finished up work. he was not 'in fornt of the library', but in the baptist lot and i almost missed him as i drove by. i made the mistake of mentioning this logistical error, as well as not knowing how to jump a car- he went into a screaming tirade on the specific degree to which my presence in his life was useless and irritating. a mean mamma would have ejected him on the road and let him find his own ride home. i make no claims to understand car repair or emergency service- he knew so before i came into town. if anything, he should have paid more attention when his dad has jumped his sorry car in the past........

i missed my mother-in-law today, in an unexpected way. the phone rang about 4:45pm while i was still enjoying a rare sunday afternoon nap. my first thought was...it's kay, because kay always had a knack for calling when i was asleep and there was no one but me to answer the phone. 'oh, were you sleeping dear? ' she would ask before she launched into pleasant conversation about all we were doing. finally she would ask to talk to ernst- who was probably out hiking with stephan and cayle- which was why i got to nap in the first place. her death on 3/30 was no surprise, given the swelling in her feet we noticed over president's day weekend and her severe smothering cough. she really didn't look good in february, but appeared to hold on long enough to call or visit several friends and many family members before letting go of this life. i shall miss her.

mamma gest cranky when there are not trips on the horizon. there aren't even whole weekends off on the horizon. i would like to be thinking about a trip this winter after christmas but with a child in college it may not be possible unless my lotto south number hits.......that's right, mean mammas gamble. mean mammas probably wouldn't buy you anything if they won.....

i am so tired, and i don't want to go to work today.i do not think that the human body was designed to work 6 days a week, despite the biblical thing about God only resting on the 7th day.....i dreamed about food last night. something about people going to PigglyWiggly for butter that was 29 cents a pound and freezedried sliced apple and pear slices on sticks for use by space travelers. the sticks were too long and i had to snap off the ends in order to eat the pear. i find food dreams interesting rather than an annoying extension of my dailywork. the dreams that are annoying are the typing dreams- where each word is typed/spelled out slowly as in typing onto a computor screen. i have had these dreams after intense bouts of typing, and find that this continuation of work from wakefulness to sleep time to be disturbing.

typed mean mamma into google.com- and came up with this classic from an unidentified source- i am not near this mean......

May 17, 2001
Mean Mamma
I'm a mean, mean mother.
Just ask Mikey the majority of the time, Nathan all of the time and Erica when she gets her little wee mouth tapped for blowing raspberries at me when she's ticked off or for telling me 'no'.

I spank. I ground. I take away televisions, telephone time, outside time and by god, I stick to it. STUART is a big wash when it comes to consistency but it's my middle name.

I am most certainly not what people would consider politically correct either when it comes to discipline.

Things I've told my children:

I don't care WHAT you think in your head but by God, I'd better not hear it come out of your mouth because you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor.

You don't get paid to think. There's a reason for it.

I'm going to knock you out if you do that one more time. Think I'm kidding? Go ahead and test me.

Slam that door one more time and I'm going to stick you in the door and slam it shut. It's my house, quit messing with it.

How would you like to eat a bar of soap? Mouth almighty.

Go ahead. Keep running that mouth and see what happens.

I'm sorry. Just shut up and do it because it isn't up for discussion. That's the way it is.

If you don't quit acting like a baby, I'm going to put a diaper on you and treat you like one. Quit the whining.

elizabeth barret browning wrote, at the age of 9-

'come forth my muse, and tune the lyre so bright.
the darkest soul illume with purer light,
and pour instruction o'er the embarrased mind,
and Godly virtue in the wicked find......

i like her turn of words- about finding virute in the wicked, like finding goodness in the mean mamma if the light shines upon her just right.....of course, e.b.b. had a mean daddy, not a mean mamma. how sad that they never spoke after she eloped with mr browning, and that her letter to him explaining her desire to marry went unopened. much as i can't imagine andrew growing up and moving away, i can't imagine faulting him for wanted to do so.

i have been informed that mamma is not spelled mamma- but momma. i say when you are as mean as me, you can damn well spell mamma anyway you like......

i am wishing that i had some pinot grigio(sp?) in the refrigerator to greet me when i get back from work tonight. i have never seen pinot grigio grapes, so i am unsure if they are, in fact, grey. the idea of grey grapes is not appealing, though the wine is quite fresh and crisp and just right for a nearly spring day.

i am still on the lookout for alsatian style wine glasses, with the tall green stem and clear bowl. reisling without these glasses falls short of perfection.....

the screen actress tallulah bankhead once said- 'only nice girls keep a diary, bad girls just don't have the time'. maybe keeping an online journal will push me back to the nice side of motherhood and away from the meanmamma stuff. maybe i shall just start going by the name tallulah, it has a mean and oh-so-evil sound to it, kind of like ursula in the little mermaid. i haver a short list of names that i would use should i ever write a novel. i am drawn to freeway exits. on the way to ann arbor michigan there is an exit called lucky/haskins. lucky haskins sounds like a good guy in a western flick, doesn't it. there is also an exit ont he way to louisville that i like- but i can't recall it just now. maybe there is a connection between memory and overall meanness.....

i may not actually be as mean as originally proposed....as i was logging onto blogger, i came up with stephan's blog- he must not have signed off. i resisted the temptation to blog on his site. i could not have pulled it off anyway, as he is much more witty and crafty than i, so much more ominous......

I was reallymean this morning to my daughter, who left the house wearing shorts that are clearly too short and too small, and bright yellow socks. She said she was cold and i told her that if she felt warm enough to wear shorts she didn't need a coat. this child resists directives on appropriate dress- on matching, on clothing choice, etc. i fear that she will be a glamour don't when these things begin to count- say in middle school. of course, it will all be my fault when push comes to shove....

i am reading a memoir by marge piercy, a poet and novelist- called Sleeping with Cats. it is fascinating-not just about her life as a feminist jew now on her third husband who is 16 years younger, but also how her poetry and cats play into the narrative. my husband tolerates cats- but he could never fall asleep if one were even close to the bed. men who actually sleep with women who sleep with cats are a rare breed. i wonder if it is a genetic thing.....stephan seems just fine sleeping with our precious cat-sometimes.....

the bathroom at work has an old copy of Rolling Stone behind the seat- a pre-9/11 copy, pre-enron copy, pre-lady marmelade copy. there is a eulogy to joey ramone of the ramones- i can't recall a single song by the ramones and don't think i ever heard an album. i know now that he was cutting edge in 1974 when punk came along and that many groups borrowed from his verve and his vibes. if napster was still alive i would download something.

I divulged the existence of my blog to both of my sons last night. the middle child guessed the name mean mamma right away- and challenged me to come up with an ungrateful child chant and dance. my older child thinks that blogging is stupid-why would you want to journal on-line? it should be done in private. frankly, this is private in the sense that i am not saying anything that i would mind others reading. my private thoughts stay in my head.

after poo-pooing my blog, my older child told me that he was watching a movie and that i was taking up his precious time. he had borrowed the original sabrina from the library. he knows that i really like the harrison ford version- but closed the dorr instead. child-raising sucks- you bring up your children to embrace a wide variety of media, ideas, locales- and when they finally get old enough to seek these things out for themselves they don't want to share the experience with you. i hope he remembers to take back the movie before e fine kicks in.....

i teach a college class on tuesday nights- right now my class is filling out instructor evaluations- which are private so i am in library blogging while i wait for them to finish filling in bubble sheets. the overhead projector is broken. so class will be more boring than usual. if i have time i will email fox tv to bitch about american embassy not being on last nigt- instead they ran the wedding singer- i watch 1 tv show on a regular basis, so i get really angry when it isn't on as advertised. i am still thinking about my dance routine......

my middle child has a chant that he utters from time to time- mean mamma, mean mamma..... there is a certain cadence to it that defies description, and sometimes a little dance as well. i think that i will make up my own chant and dance to be done in tandem with his performance. i will ponder the details and get back to you tomorrow