penelope fitzgerald......

ok, so yesterday on my friday 'nearly' off....i stopped by the library to look for penelope fitzgerald.......first off i found grace.......grace, the ex-trc waitress who once referred to me as a post-neo-quasi hippie........she is now working at the library...doing much that my eldest used to do when he held the same parttime post.......she greeted me with a great-big-hug....and then went on to epxlain that she has officially dropped out of her centre college b.a. program in favor of a 'healing degree' from someplace in lexington........omg......and then i had the chance to embrace my friend diana, she who has recently and officially shed the spouse i thought she had divorced years ago ......she quoted mlk....freeatlast...freeatlast.....you know the drill.........and then i found these two slim volumes by penelope fitzgerald.......slim is an understatement......the bookshop has 129 pages........129.......and it so concise that one could not shake out 2-3 words if a gun were held to one's head.......it is an emotional rollercoaster for those few pages....and i felt myself feeling quite attached to the middle-aged widow who risks all to open a bookshop on a coastal western town in the 50's.......and now i must read lolita...(this book played big in the bookshop, but that would give away too much plot)..........the book by nabokov that my book club read just before i invited myself to join......speaking of bookclubs......i was approached by someone in the library, who used to eat at trc.......one of those women who i do not trust on general principle because she has such transparent concern for the well-being of others.......how ARE you doing since you left the restaurant?......i have worried SO about you.......HA!..if she really wanted to know she wouldn't have waited so long to find out, now would she.......she ended this flimsy conversation of interest/concern/patronage/condecension by inviting me to HER bookclub..........which appears to meet the same night as my own......wow....i pondered this magnanimous invitation for a 1-count......then declined kindly on the grounds of scheduling conflicts.....true enough........ but mostly i couldn't stand to listen to this sort of drivel for too many evenings.........but back to penelope........her book is riveting in that quiet, british way.........i liked it better than her other book that i checked out...human voices.....which takes place at the bbc in 1944 london.......when i picked that one up to read....out dropped a boarding pass....from an atlanta/jacksonville light on delta......first class, in fact.........bearing the name of a woman who occassionally showed up to the trc friday afternoon gathering of 'godesses'........i can only date this coupon by her last name........which was in the nam eof her most recent ex-husband......gentle readers.....in a small town....one can only be expected to keep track of one's first and second marriages.....after that i feel no obligation to follow subsequent alliances........in the same way that liz taylor couldn't have expected her friends let alone her aquaintances to keep score with her multiple marriages......anyway......this woman was once stepmother to a child that i remember with tenderness........i was helping to serve breakfast at the hospital one morning when i was still expecting my eldest....and this child was but a newborn in her mother's arms...we chatted for quite a time about motherhood, and the awesome responsibilties therein.........and later this same child attended montessori with my eldest....even after her mother passed away tragically.....and we were on a field trip to the children's musuem in lexington...and we were crossing over from the parking garage...and she grabbed my hand so forcefully, as if she was willing to take shelter and comfort from any and all adults.........so here was this book that had clearly been read by this goddess.....on a trip from here to there.......years ago...it would seem........and i felt some comfort in knowing that this book had interested her...just like it interested me........hmmm........the 129 page sof the bookshop have haunted me........why cannot i manage to put 129 pages of thought on paper........this retiree penelope managed to do it....so why cannot i do the same.........