summer.......

i can barely recall the days when i was excited about summer......and all of the implications for lazy days doing whatever.........likely an illusion.......as i grew up in an age of chores and assigned tasks......today is the first technical day of summer for those in our household who are out of school for the summer and that reality has numerous realities.......for starts, and most personally....it means the beginning of the i have to go to work and these children of mine have nothing better to do than to sleep in .....i trust that i am not the only mother to harbor such resentment.......i have obviously failed to dole out enough regular chores to keep either occupied.....or have given up the notion that one's offspring are capable of helping without having to spell out each and every family need each and every day........to some.....the need to replace the cereal boxes in the cupboards after breakfast seems too much to ask........and i have also failed to teach any offspring the concept of fixing dinner while mom is at work.......i can hardly believe that i was so advanced a learner at age 12 that i could have dinner ready for my family and my 12 year old cannot conceive of where to start should the idea of helping out in such a way pop into her brain.........i actually heard a dietitian speak once at a convention about how this generation of working mothers found it so much easier to do such task themselves and are less and less likely to have the patience required to teach their children how to do chores.........at least i am not alone in this conundrum......i read on-line about a boy in ohio that killed his family and friends before killing himself over the weekend.......the newsstory mentioned something about the family trying to keep a dairy farm going and much pressure had been placed upon this 18-year old boy to keep the business together despite serious financial problems......and he simply cracked....i have no interest in burdening my children with chores to the point that they feel they have no life......surely there is a happy medium between guest and slave...gentle readers.......do not be alarmed in any fashion...this feeling-sorry-for-myself tome has no hidden meanings other than the feeling that i have brought myself to this very point in my life...for better or for worse......the biblical explanation would be wailings of how i am reaping precisely what i have sewn......

productive.......

ok, so today was the usual blur of trying to get done everything that i failed to do earlier in my 4 day weekend......like finish sewing projects......or finish books that i have started....or work on my non-tan.......yeah....i know that tanning is bad,bad,bad.......but i still need a bit of vitamin d on a daily basis....and i like mine a bit toasted....just a bit.......and so i got up early, read the paper.....walked 2 miles....and then started in a lotr extended version mini-marathon.......it took the first 2 installments to get my projects mostly done and the sewing machine put away........i could have gone on to return of the king......but the day was getting away from me and i opted for variety rather than closure......maybe i can finish up both the sewing and the movie marathon next weekend......the book i finished was the ladies #1 detective agency.....which i have had for quite awhile but never read.....and it turned out to be nothing like i thought it would be.....certainly not a genre-type book...light miss marple stuff for the paperback book crowd.......this was a booker prize runner up.....and for good reason......it brings together such disparate subjects as botswana, arranged marriages, entrepreneurial spirit, cattle herding.......i am glad that i was able to fit that book into my day.......

solid platinum

ok, so in searching for the next bookclub book i chanced upon a david sedaris collection of short semi-biographical pieces called naked....and headed out to the deck to savor his raucous humor while i still had the house to myself.....the phone rang.....and i fumbled for the business card that had earlier fallen out from the paperback to save my place.......note......i did not turn down a page, as is my usual naughty way to find my way back to the last read passage........and returning to my place......i likewise chanced upon the writing on the card........solidplatinum.com.....and a map to the lexington location....somewhere off of new circle road........and then i laughed out loud........the guffaw of the truly amused........because there were so many possibilities as to where the card had come from........i am really not sure whose book it is......probably the eldest child's as i found it in the stash he brought back home at some point........but he is not yet 21....and unless he has a fake i.d. this card didn't come to him first hand.......but then again.....don't all mothers want to believe that their children would never go to places where women dance nude....places that now conjure up the club in lost in translation.......a dance club likely to be much more tasteful than the one in question.........but back to david sedaris......i enjoy his take on life......and his style especially.....he writes with perfect abandon about the intimate and probably accurate antics/foibles of his family......first names and all.....and he has been so successful at the shameless/shameful exposure of his family to world scrutiny that he actually lives out my fantasy.....a paris apartment and worldwide travel.......hmmm........maybe i have not been shameful enough with this blog....maybe it would all turn out better for us all....or at least for my potential writing career if i skipped all of this personal censorship...and just went right to the heart of each and every matter..........most of this family no longer speaks to me anyway.........i do feel fortunate to have heard sedaris read many of his pieces on npr.....and so when i read them i can literally hear him read them aloud in my head........makes the experience much more personal........wonder if any of his family ever went to solidplatinum..............maybe i will just skip ahead and check it out.......

indy 500

ok, so i did spend a little time watching the indy 500....a race that i have never had reason to want to watch until a 100-pound woman found backing to drive her racecar in that event.....and big 200 pound fellows claimed she had an unfair advantage because of her small size.......this is laughable.....like there have never been smallish men driving at indy.......they interviewed mario andretti afterwards.....and he seemed on the short side.......hmmmmm...he probably weighed a lot less when he was racing........but back to my main point.....it is laughable that male drivers would consider the fact that someone else weighs less as unfair.........given that this race has no minimum and certainly no maximum weight standards.......not like jockeys in horseracing.......she ended up finishing 4th....which is pretty good for a rookie driver- male or female.........regardless of her finish...i am sure the sponsors were pleased to have this boost in attention to an otherwise boring event.......not the kind of place i would willingly go.....the noise and the monotony of the round-and-round nature of the sport would make me crazy......with or without beer.........i will have to find some activity to fill my days now that graduation is over.......and some good book to read...given that i have yet to obtain a copy of the brilliant speech i did not hear recently..........

a hostage situation......

ok, so as previously mentioned, i was unable to hear much of my child's commentcement speech because of the crying baby.....and i have asked him on more than one occassion to email the speech to me so that i can read it at my leisure.........and he is somehow convinced that i will oist any and all of it on this site.....despite my protestations that having already quoted briefly from the parts i did hear i would have no need to publish the text in its entirety......and so we seem to be a collision course......and in order to avoid a hostage situation i emplore my middle child to just send the speech..........there are many things that could be held hostage to sway the opinion of the uncooperative.......keys, for example......that would be brutal......but then my meanness is legendary.....

superstitions.......

ok, so i am having a bout of superstition........let me fill int he details for you all, gentle readers......and you be the judge...am i overreacting or adequately concerned.......?.......remember, if you will......that i have been obsessed of late with memory books.......i put together memory books for my middle child's closer friends as graduation tributes.....and another for my spouse when he turned 50......and today i finished the book for my new graduate......still in the graduation weekend....so i do not consider it late by any definition....and while all of the materials/photos/gluesticks/borrowed holepunch and paper trimmer were all out and available...i went ahead and put together a 21st birthday tribute for my eldest....2 weeks early....at supper my youngest pitched a minor fit...claiming that i have put together such collections of photos and memories for EVERYBODY EXCEPT HER.....and that she will never get one done especially for her because by the time she is graduated I WILL BE DEAD........gentle readers......i suspect that she threw in this last sentiment in just for effect.....but it has really freaked me out......what if she is right.....what if my days are numbered.......maybe i should stay up all night and make her a partial volume I just to be on the safe side........i did take the time to sift through photographs anticipating several upcoming events worthy of such tributes....the 21st birthday of the eldest child of our closest friends...their 25th wedding anniversary......our 25th....you get the idea.....and i have started a small pile of pictures....secured by a rubberband...of our youngest.......maybe not the cream of the crop in terms of photos...but they were in amongst all of the other un-albumed photos.......so....just how supersitious am i?......will i defy all logic and do nothing until she hits a milestone....like sweet 16......or graduation.....or should i panic and do one now just to be on the safe side.......i happened to talk to my youngest sisterinlaw today.......she called mostly to confirm that we will all stay with her when we travel to cincinnatti in june for yet another wedding the same weekend as brass band festival in danville.....another year that we will miss all the festivities in our own neck-of-the-woods......but i digress.......we got to talking about those in the family currently treated for cancers of one sort or another......and we got onto the subject of risk assessment/diagnostic testing for clinical markers.....and my sister-in-law tried to explain to me why, with so many siblings who have had cancer(s) she has not and may never have....this test done to ascertain her risk of breast cancer.......she seemed to be saying to me that she does all that she can do to lower her risk, and if she ends up with cancer there is little she can do.....it will just be god's will.......gentle readers.....this is a place that i will not go with family members not related by blood.....maybe with my own blood kin.....but not with anybody elses........we changed the subject to other matters soon after....but the discussion is still with me.....the notion of god's will.....nothing to be done......she was calling me from a lawn chair....at the big outdoor wave/play pool complex in eastern cincinnati, where she was watching her 4 1/2 year-old son romp in the water........ hard to imagine myself blythely giving into to god's will with a child not yet in kindergarten.......but then i have never had to make the decisions regarding potential risk that my inlaws have had to do.....no...i just scurry about doing all i can do before i sink into dementia.........i almost forgot about that reality.......should i stap up all night doing a little book of memories for cayle in case the forgetfullness becomes acute overnight........or can i safely wait a week or two.....or a month or two........or put it off completely till i really start to sense that i am slipping.........regardless......i can assure you that i will blog until i can no longer remember my password........and should i go a week or so without blogging....please check the obits at the danville advocate messenger......because i probably WILL be dead if that happens........

absolutely nothing......

ok, so what exactly did the mm do with her first day of a 4 day weekend......nothing...absolutely nothing........other than sleep......go to the grocery and cook....and do a load of laundry.......but mostly i read and fell asleep on the sofa......today i really must get up the energy to do something worthy...like work on a scrapbook for my eldest's 21st birthday...that would be a good thing.......i have a generalized idea of where such things as montessori preschool class pictures are.......newspaper clippings......you know the kind of stuff to which i refer.......i could do that without changing out of my jammies, come to think of it.........

tracking......

ok, so one of the pleasures of writing this blog is the tracking of readership....and how long they read an entry...and how they found this site.......and some of the google/dogpile/yahoo search venues that brought up my current page or an archive never cease to amaze me.....some of the more interesting/recent searches are as follows:

mean poems
mean haircuts
dead snakes
bald arlen spector
thank you notes
davinci code
les bookinistes ( a paris restaurant)
tourist sights in danville, va
granny porn

this last search query just tickles me.......granny porn......what kind of deviant looks up something like that....and when have i ever blogged about it?.......i have used the term greasy granny before....and maybe referred to porn before.....but i do not recall that combination.....and why....in all of the blogs i did about the princeton frist filibuster did no one ever access my blog searching for that salient topic......and now that i have included granny porn in my blog.....all roads will lead to meanmamma, i suppose.............by the way........this message goes out to the messiah complex.....i would appreciate a copy of the poem you read at graduation.........i really liked it, and it's brief reference to meanness.......

catcher in the rye.....

ok, so i dargged myself out of bed at 12:11 pm...read the paper over what i believe to be decaf coffee...note to self- must to go grocery today......and then picked up the copy of catcher in the rye that was abandoned in the rennovated bathroom.......this classic novel is as good as any a place to start in disclosing my movements in the past 24 hours......start at the end, then slowly work your way through the relevant events til you get back to the beginning (end).......got it?......graduation was at 8:00 pm last night.......we sat in roughly the same spot we did when our eldest graduated (the main auditorium/theatre space at centre college......and held a seat for tosca.....who must have sat elsewhere......ah well.......we had a good view for seeing our middle child's validictory address....which was not attributed so on the program.....the three top scholars spoke, with no real designation as to which was which......which only matters, i suppose, to the parents of those who spoke......and it was a brilliant speech...what i heard of it between crying fits by a 2-year old in the row ahead of us......her mother finally took her out, then abruptly brought her back when she calmed down.....only for the bless-ed child to start it up again just at the finale.....i have asked for a transcript so that i may absorb the words of wisdom at my leisure.....that was the gist of the speech.....wisdom versus knowledge......unlike other speeches which basically toyed with the here we are ready to leave theme.......our child won one of the monetary trust fund awards...the one for the graduating senior with the greatest passion for history....funded in honor of a member of the dhs class of 1962 who was tragically killed several years back......that was a nice touch to the evening......the reunion of graduates to their family units in the grand foyer was chaos.......as we searched for our favorite senior we were approached by an older couple (read this as older, not elderly) who walk through downtown daily in the before 7:00 am time slot......last saturday they had chanced to look up to see the enlarged photo of my spouse on a bike, surrounded by black streamers and the large notation 1955-2005 below.........and misunderstood completely......they jumped to the immediate conclusion that my spouse had died.....not that he had just turned 50........and wanted to assure him when they saw him at graduation that they had been so saddened at the time that someone so young and in such good shape could have passed away......this was a precious moment, gentle readers........one we could not have seen coming......and so after the requesite photographs we headed home......only for some of us to change clothes and go back to the high school for the annual project graduation....the unfamiliar need to understand that this a ten-year old tradition in these parts....an overnight lock-in funded by donations intended to keep raucous celebrations sober and safe.....i believe that 81 of 89 graduates attended.....til the bitter end at 6:00 am this morning...when the big prizes were drawn.......$1000 in cash...and a dell laptop........drawings for lesser prizes were drawn during the night....my child walked away with a 13-inch tv/dvd combo and a surge protector.....and a portable dorm fan......and a load of coupons to aread businesses.....i helped with the food....setting out and replenishing donated pizza, cookies, chips and salsa, vegetable and fruit trays subway sandwiches.....etc.......curiously, most of these kids requested bottled water rather than soft drinks.......i had an opportunity to chat with all sorts of combinations of parents also there to help........as well as to watch napoleon dynamite, school of rock, meet the fockers.....and part of the secret window....a stephan king story starring johhny depp........i walked away from the strange film shortly after depp found his dog brutally murdered.....i have my thresh-hold for horror....and dead pets is right there at the top of the list of offensive visuals......much moreso that exposed body parts, foul language, and acts of war.......but i digress........i crawled into bed about the time that my spouse was crawling out......i may just go back to bed......i am so physically and emotionally tired from the month's festivities.......although i did have the foresight to take the day off.......and thus i am looking forward to a 4-day weekend......in a house/garden that is relatively tidy......so there are no pressing projects....well....there is the poison ivy to eradicate.....but aside from that i may just lay around for 4 days just to recoup my sanity.....which brings me back to catcher in the rye......i must admit that i never saw our tragic hero as crazy.....just really exhausted with too much understanding of those around him rather than not enough......good analogy...taking it all in last night i had numerous flashbacks to the all-night after-prom party i attended my senior year......noticing the senior couples and noting the poor odds for the relationship lasting past college separations or merely from the test of time.......and recalling that unless one moves back to one's hometown at some point after college, the only place my child will see many of these folks again is either at reunions, or at funerals.......and the folks he will keep in touch with are the ones that either meant the most, or that were the most convenient to keep up with.....i have pontificated far too long...must get back to my book........

graduation.......

ok, so tonight is the graduation ceremony for our middle child.......and this particular graduation is more nervewracking than the first go-around because a) we know all too well from the 1st one that it leads directly to the child being less and less at home and we are not prepared emotionally for this reality b)this child is speaking and c)i feel more emotionally attached to some of this child's classmates......partly because i am an lj addict.......partly because i respect their collective take on life....and partly because this group of folks have been so supportive of my middle child over the years...some from the age of 3...of that connection i cannot help to feel emotional........and while i felt emotion over certain of my eldest's classmates......they were just not supportive to him in the same ways........i was asked just the other day if i remembered any of the graduation speeches i have heard over the years.....yes, i do.....at my osu graduation, i and everybody else sitting in osu's horseshoe stadium.....heard british ambassador to tbe u.s.a. john jay comment...'you are born...and it's a brisk trot from there to the grave..' or words to that effect.......and this has proved to be so true......how could this baby be so old and so grown-up.......how could i have a child ready to be a senior in high school......how could i have greying hair and sagging body parts........how could i panic in last night's church choir graduation that my neck and shoulder pain could be cardiac in nature to the point that i stopped to take an aspirin before the drive home just in case..........all of these fears are tied up with the sense of loss that graduation brings.......one step closer to the end...of my youth, of my usefulness to this offspring......to my connections to a part of the stream of life......i will not have another child in high school til fall of 2007.......and by that time i will know nobody........and that could be a good thing.....if nobody remembers the eldest children when the youngest comes along..........and so i keep checking my watch to make sure that we are all fed, dressed-up and out the door on time for this huge event........well, maybe not fed.....in such cases of heightened emotion it is almost impossible to eat..........hey....maybe i could captitalize on that....the mother's emptying nest/mourning diet..........hmmmmm.......

the dedication.....

ok, so my good friend the l.o. was kind enough to purchase on my behalf a bible in traditional old french text for a graduation gift for my middle child.....and the verses i chose to use as dedication are as follows...en francais....matthew chapter 7 verses 13-14:

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

i will not elaborate in this venue what this means to me........i only hope that this advice rings true to him to which it is addressed...........

alias season finale.....

ok, so alias's 4th season is over.......and such a cliff hanger.......vaughan may not really BE vaughan....he was just about to tell sydney his real name when they were broadsided by another vehicle............and that he did not met her by accident when he was the first person she met when she left sd-6 and joined the cia.........omg.......i watch so little tv that this show......and lost, which i only started watching because it was before alias.....well...they both had significant cliff-hangers.........such a long summer is before me...........

ok, so my rose trellis is abloom...with city of york, and a mystery rose i do not remember planting........the aroma is a heady combination of lemon, cream and traditional bar-soap rose.....and it extends down to the porch........i can smell it from the time a exit the door on my way to retrieve the newspaper every mroning from the mailbox......hidden from view by the rose trellis......many other roses are blooming now....larger roses, in fact.....but this is the most spectacular to behold....... 

cancer.......

ok, so i was a bit stunned today when the 30 year-old dietitian i sat next to at the breastfeeding workshop started fanning herself.......surely you are too young to be having hot flashes, i offered.......no, she replied...it is a side effect to the medication i am taking to try to shrink my ovarian tumor............omg.......not the answer i expected........these days it seems that i know far too many women who have cancer, have recovered from cancer......are taking measures to avoid getting cancer.......my spouse's eldest sister called this evening, partly to wish hin a happy belated 50th, but also to let us know that she will be having her abdominal tumor removed after a family wedding in june.......this is news to us, as the last we heard she was receiving chemotherapy for breast and ovarian cancer.....so this new surgury is not good news......on the other hand.......there was news this week that the risks of skin cancer from sun exposure are far outweighed by the benefits of some sun exposure, especially with regards to vitamin d development in cells just under the skin........the concern over our collective fear of sun exposure was highlighted today at this workshop.....in that parents now carry their infants around with blankets over their strollers, even in summer....so as to block them completely from the sun's rays........and that baby's health will be affected longterm by the lack of natural vitamin d.......which controls calcium absorption, among other things............i learned today that women who breastfeed are far less likely to contract breast cancer....and their female children are less likely to contract the disease as well......hmmmm........i could go on all night about the benefits of breastfeeding......but i started out with cancer and i will finish this train of thought......i was at a loss for what to say to my friend with the uterine cancer.......i had no idea that her lack of fertility had anything to do with such a profound problem.......like so many other themes i have blogged about of late....it makes my life and my petty worries pale by comparison............

circles of hell.......

ok, so i am convinced that one of the many circles of hell, as predicted by those who contemplate these things.....involves looking for your children's passports........our eldest child is going to ireland....and in my obsessive-compulsion about travel....i have badgered him daily to find his passport to check on its expiration date.....and when that line of reasoning met with fulitily...i moved on to scenario 2......finding the passport of child #2....and pinpointing that expiration date.....surely obtained the same year for the same trip.........and this child announced that he did not have his passport.....and thus began the pulling apart and dumping out and overturning of every storage bin/basket/folder i could find....to no avail......until it occured to me that he had used it on a trip without my presense....to belgium on the rotary exchange.....and that he must have this passport in his possession.....whereupon he produced the blue document within moments........and the passport does not expire until october 2006.....and so his brother's passport, though not yet found....is valid...........now......all he need do is to locate it before july..............but since he is in lexington and i am here ate home.....he is spared the overturning of all of his receptacles.....at least for now...............

complaints

ok,so i spent part of my day listening to my coworkers complain...about their children's 1)divorces 2)immigration visa woes 3)child-care technicalities.......and their spouse's 4)ignorance 5)vile humors 6)potential guilt.....when your spouse calls you up and takes you out to lunch for no reason...to s place he does not like to eat at.......there is something up....... this discussion put my minor annoyances in perspective.......my children and spouse now glow in the dark when put up against those with real trouble on their hands.......my family suspects that i tell-all at work when it comes to their intimate details...gentle readers....when it comes to my family.....i don't have a story to stand on that can compete..............

in the garden......

ok, so i came home from work and took a lap around the perimeter of the garden...to look in on what has bloomed since my last visit, and just to unwind from the day...today needed a bit of a debrief...being the first time i saw an actual cocaine-addicted newborn......currently in the custody of grandparents...and requiring medication to soothe its withdrawal from in-utero drugs.....such infants are given phenobarbitol, which is a cocaine derivative......in decreasing doses....as well as a medication commonly used for ulcers to soothe the stomach....such babies are born with fragile intestinal tracts, due to in-utero drug exposure.......omg......and these grandparents did not seem especially surprised nor upset by the situation.....turns out they have had custody of another child's 4 children at one point......omg.......and so the actual parents can only visit the baby in the company of a court-appointed social worker....and must complete a prescribed rehab program........so very sad.........and such a downer...the notion that a couple's twilight years are consumed with the care of grandchildren that their own children could not rally to raise........ouch........and so my garden was such a refreshing spector when i drove into the garage.......my grandmother's old-fashioned rose is starting to open up....its scent is so intense that it lends creedance to the term rose-scented........it is so rosey it almost smells fake.........and there are lesser roses.......blooms that look pretty but have no aroma at all.......it is the fragrant flowers that keep my interest and fan my fire to keep the beds weeded and watered and fertilized.........int he midst of the rose show....there was a snake skin in amongst the sage.........i didn't pick the thing up to judge just how big the snake was getting.......it is enough for me to know to look extra careful into each bed before i pluck weeks or snip off a bloom to put in a vase.......i have enough drame at work.....i avoid it at home at all costs.........

graduation events......

ok, so yesterday was consumed with a series of graduation events......the awards in the afternoon was put on by nhs.....and went so smoothly as to be at least 45 minutes faster than last year....our child received an art award........as well as recognition for a successful academic team year.....and then back home to busy ourselves whilst waiting for the bacalaureate (sp...) that took place in the same space in the evening.....some effort was made to make the event ecumenical, such as the reading from the b'hai faith....but mostly it was a thinly cloaked church service....entertaining to me in that we sat in front of a large extended black family who behaved like they were in church.....with lots of vocal interjections......i loved it....and when the last songster got up to sing they went wild....for good reason, because this fellow could sing......his eye is on the sparrow, and i know he watches me....a great gospel song......i felt that the singer could have really let loose with a truly righteous rendition of the song, but he restrained the performance out of respect for those in the audience who are unfamiliar with the way things are done in black churches......ah well....it was a fine moment.....and i saw my friend gayle, who also has a graduate this year........and i was reminded that others with graduates will be in the child raising business much longer than us.......i had forgotten about the family that adopted from china a few years back......their child may be in the 1st grade.....wow.......i will put them on my prayer list........and we heard the first of many graduation-style speeches......i especially liked the preacher who gave the 'sermon'....and who said that the first half of our lives is ruint by our parents and the second half is ruint by our children........i say amen to that......but he did go on to give good advice and food for thought to those about to leave the shelter of high school and venture out into the real world........this will be a tough week......i know that i am not ready for our graduate to venture out...

memory books......

ok, so i am on a roll with memory books.....the collecting of photos and personal lore into a single place.....with commentary.......i made some for my middle child's closest friends recently, including one for a child who attends another area high school but who has been close to our family since the day he was born.......the nicest response came from his family over that book.....his dad called me up gushing with emotion overy the thoughtfulness involved.....and the realization that i may have taken more pictures of his children through the years than he has.......that could be true.....as i have numerous photographs of their boys and our boys in endless combinations....starting way back when there were only 2 boys.....on up to 5 boys.......doing all sorts of stuff.....like taking baths, swimming in pools, playing video games or board games hiking, running, eating, partying......20+ years of memories between the two families.......but back to the memory books.......the parents involved seem to see the merits of such a gesture moreso than the children themselves.......time will take care of that....for it is only as we grow older that we cling to our precious past......i amused myself yesterday afternoon putting together a similar tribute for my spouse's 50th birthday.....drawing from photos from before we married, on up to one taken yesterday morning after his 10=mile run......and it was moving for me to watch his eyes light up with images he hadn't seen in years.....like the picture taken at our wedding with me....and him and all of his friends....including the fellow living in montana who called yesterday......but these are my memories of his life...not necessarily his memories.....and that brings us back to the original premise.......is this a totally selfish gesture on my part rather than a true act of gift giving?........there are those who live in my midst who could claim either of these explanations........and that is just fine......as long as i am having a good time i will continue on.......coming up is the eldest's 21st birthday.....and the 21st birthday of the eldest of our mutual friend's boys.......and being the eldest.......i have lots of photos of each......better get down to work.......

50.....

ok, so today my spouse turned 50.....and we have had several festivities.......i met him and his 10 miler-friends ar the end of their usual saturday morning ruin with juice and coffee cake......and our close friends decorated the bike shop with the traditional black streamers/balloons/signs/blown-up photos.....and tonight our eldest and his girlfriend came from lexington for dinner........and the phone calls....wow.......he got a call from a childhood friend living in montana.....and from amutual friend still living in cincinnati...it has been a good day....even for someone not yet 50...............

ok,so mm has gotten behind on the reporting of the news.......this is the best of the class at dhs2005, as filmed for promotional spots by fox 56.........that is marvin bartlett on the left....... 

in the garden.......

ok, so one of the things i like best about saturday, aside from the not-having-to-go-to-work thing, is that i can get up, make coffee, and stroll about the garden clutching said coffee, both before and after i read the newspaper on the deck.....all in my jammies.....i suppose it is my honeybee pajama bottoms that add that extra touch of leisure to this rutual.....the whole scenario is so comfy....at home in the best sense.......of course....it is during the early morning rounds that i make plans for the real work to come....the beds that need thinned......or mulched......or weeded.......today's chore is to eradicate the poison ivy that has popped up......poison ivy is a curious plant......we can go years without seeing any.....and this must be its year to make a triumphant reappearance because i have seen it in at least 3 spots......i suppose that pulling it out is better than looking for some chemical to do the job......maybe i can scare up some disposable gloves.........musn't spend the rest of this momentous week with a bad rash..................

mm of the lo

ok, so the mm of the lo came my way for a few glasses of wine and plentiful conversation........we started out on the back deck......but even that locale got too hot for her texan sensibilities....and we moved into the shade........we talked of many things....but mostly of raising children and comforting parents......and withstanding the pressure to become people we are not.......and she brought by le petit cadeaux i had 'ordered' from the lo....and i am so pleased...just in time...the lo is so gracious to have sent it on ahead........merci beaucoup.........

perception is everything.....

ok, so i work 1 day a week in another county.......and among others i work with a mother of another sneior at dhs........and from her i gain the black prespective on events........she had a completely different take on the recent drug-dog search of the school.......to her...if the child found with illegals had been black the whole event would have taken an uglier turn.....and the statement by the principal about not knowing whether the child would walk across the stage would never have been said........hmmm.....she is probably right.......things would have turned out differently, especially since the child in question is a white daughter of a local lawyer........i would say that there was no question as to whether she would walk.......despite the rumor that this is not the first time she has been caught with illegals.......and her race was not mentioned in the article.....the mother i spoke with said that a black child would be printed as such by media coverage......and she is probably right about that too.......one would think thatstrides have been made.....but that is only my perception......a view not shared by those closer to delicate issues......

the storm

ok, so the storm last night was brutal........the wind and sheets of rain pelleted the house for an eternity, whilst i lay under the covers offering up prayers for stability.......house stability.......this sort of environmental event makes me worry about the runoff rushing downhill towards the creek so fast that it might loosen our foundation and cause us all to slide downhill......like those california mudslides......ouch......not that this worry kept me awake for long.......i think i slept better with this onslaught....a patterned backround noise....and this morning i feel quite refreshed......who knew?.......maybe i need one of those sleep-aid machines set on hurricane.........or at least until this hormonal crisis passes............

isn't it ironic......

ok so the mm is indignant about the senior in alabama....whose catholic high school refused to allow her to walk across the stage to get her diploma because she is pregnant......the same school did allow the father of her baby to graduate with his class.......and when this brave soul hopped onstage after the ceremony was over and announced her own name to the crowd as a graduate....the police escorted her and her family out fo the building.....how ironic...that an institution that worships a woman who had a baby outofwedlock would treat others in the same situattion in this way.......maybe this girl would have been better off going with the virgin birth story herself.......that's my story and i'm sticking to it......yep...that might have been her best option........

hot dogs.......

ok, so i have completely neglected the amusing work-related scenarios....like the 65+ couple who came in this week to talk about diabetes....and when asked about supper the evening before......the husband replied...hot dogs......how many hot dogs?....i asked innocently.......well...the wife broke in......i cooked a package of 10 and there were none left the next day.......hmmmm.....10 hotdogs between 2 people for supper and snacktime.........and so i delved further........how many hot dogs had my client consumed versu his spouse........at this point they digressed into a bicker of who-ate-what.......and concluded that the client ate 8 of the hot dogs....and the wife ate 2........between supper and bedtime......on white bread because they had no buns.....and when asked about side dishes...the client replied that there were no sides because they had fixed so many hot dogs.......omg.....8 hot dogs on white bread.......what does one say to this admission.........other than...'et's talk about better options.......this couple bickered about nearly every aspect of their joint experience......i am hoping they don't return for a followup visit anytime soon......which brings me to today......in the other county in which i work single 7.5 hour day.......whereupon the clerk handed me a stack of 3 charts with a smurk....and said 'this doesn;t mean that i don't love you....'...omg...these were the family unit from hell......a pregnant woman and her 2 heathen offspring......if she said.......'dont; make me come over there and swat your butt...' one more time i would have gone over there and done it myself.......these children were totally out of control......and the mother was totally non-interested in conmtrolling their behavior.....and when the smallest was standing on my stool with my cell phone attempting a call.....i told him he had to the count of 1 to get down....and when he did not i plucked him up gingerly and set him down in his mother's lap and told him to 'stay.....right there'............it was quite obvious that this unholy trio were scheduled into my time slot because nobody else in the clinic had the nerves to deal with them any longer.......how sad to be the clients who nobody wants......and these folks are clueless as to this designation......especially the pregnant mom......who asked me why i was suggesting she breastfeeds when she smokes so much.......and i replied....when you smoke so much when pregnant...why would it matter if you smoke when you nurse?......and she looked at me like i had two heads......and dragged those heathen children out to the front porch where she oculd light up..............one was barefoot, by the way.....so he got to stand in the area where she ground out her butt before returning to the waiting room.......ain't that america?...home of the free?..................

hormonal horror.......

ok, so i had a client this afternoon nearly my age.....and she started in telling me about all the weight she has gained this year....and the fragility of her temperament......and the failing of her female parts.....and her lack of sleep due to odd combinations of sweating hot flashes and cold chills........and i almost started crying....hearing someone tell me about myself......almost cried is the operative term......as i almost cry 20 times a day.....i almost cried on the way home from lexington when my passenger told me i was being neither supportive nor helpful........and i panicked....because at this point nothing i say to anyone appears to be the right thing.......i am out of synch with just about everyone........this blog will surely offend someone close to me within the hour.......got it?.......i was amused to read that the term transgender is now on some official college forms....i am ready to become semi-transgender myself.......mostly because i have semi-seriously offered breast tissue transplants to a friend who is considering a pre-emptive double mastectomy........i would gladly donate most of what i've got, and throw in my semi-functioning ovaries and uterus to anyone who would feel more whole with this sort of equipment.....if only it could be done in a way that did not hurt too awful bad........take the extra kidney if you need it....just leave me with the one.......well, that and the vagina...not ready to give that up just yet.........

alias........

ok, so i have watched the 2-hour installment of alias on abc.........the buildup to the season finale next wednesday evening at 10:00..........and i have no idea how they will wrap this up.....and who will be left standing......and what the endgame is for next season.....if, in fact, jennifer garner is pregnant with ben affleck's baby and due in november....and how can she film these daring stunts if there is to be a next season.......omg.....this is why i watch only one series....i simply cannot take the drama and the unknown elements of it all........on one of the commercials abc was promoting allmychildren....and erica kane's 10th wedding......and i laughed aloud....i can remember going home with my friend jean for lunch in middle school to watch allmychildren in it's soap premiere season............way back when.........and it is the same erica kane.....wow.....she ought to be able to retire at this point......a 30+ year run...............i do not think my heart could survive alias for 26 more years........the angst alone could kill me...........

you haven't changed a bit......

ok, so this morning i attended a workshop at u of k in lexington with a community partner... which is public health slang for someone you have conned into helping you with a big project.........before sitting down i was approached by another attendee....who proceeded to shake my hand and gush about how she so appreciated the work i had done with her mother (in another job, in another life, it seems.....) and how she would have known me anywhere........and how was i lking my new job......and that i hadn't changed a bit..........wow......i should be flattered that she would say so.....but so many things have changed............i would like to think that i have progressed......in knowledge, prospective, outlook, politics.......i feel so much more liberal now than i have ever been....or maybe i am more galvanized about causes dear to my heart.........hard to tell which is the most accurate descriptive..........whatever......and heavens sake.....she surely noticed that i have filled out a bit with regards to body weight......and that my hair has a few wisps of grey........but maybe we overlook these esoteric things when we are really glad to see someone who has been valued in our past......and this person did look so much like her mother....and i have very fond memories of programs i gave that she attended.........but i would like to think that my best work is ahead of me and not so much water under the bridge...........and that i have changed for the better........

san sebastion........

ok, so there is a story in gourmet magazine about san sebastion.......where the players in the sun also rises enjoyed cool drinks and elegant banter by the bay before moving on to pamplona.......i had intended our intrepid car-load to stop for a quaint lunch before driving on to bilbao.....but it was not to be......one of our party forgot her coat back at the hotel in hondaribbia.....and then there was the gale-force winds and the marathon that kept us from getting a good look at the opera house on the water's edge..... it was the place we saw the basque separatist grafitti.......but it was also the palce where i held up the line getting otu of the underground parking garage because i didn't understand the system......and then there was detour to see guernica...the town that inspired piccasso's painting...and then bilbao...where i parked too far from the hotel.....sorry rachel........but back to gourmet magazine.....the most unusual food photo was included.......a finished meal..the kind that only servers see when they clear the table..complete with the bones of stripped and licked lamb chops.......not the ordinary sort of print....but it did get my attention........i could go back to northern spain......back to the place we stayed in hondaribbia.......with the fabulous breakfast buffet...and the view......maybe this time with sunny weather.......and more time at bilboa.....the lunch in the museum restaurant was heavenly.......and every time i see a kandinsky painting i am certain that i saw it's twin in bilbao.......and speaking of paintings......i completely neglected to include in rachel's memory book the bit about the madonna and child paintings we saw over all of our journeys throughout northern europe whereupon the babies looked sickly thin and close to death....possibly because the madonna had breasts positioned much like goiters to make for a tighter cluster of mother and child in an oval frame........there were so many paintings that look so alike in these two parameters that they must purchased paint-by-number kits.........maybe there is a book in that......heck...the davinci code sold well on scanty proof.........

memories......

ok, so while i was in high school....barbra streisand and robert redford made a tear-jerker of a film.....the way we were.........omg.......one could not watch this film from start to finish without a kleenex or two.....so sentimental......a story of 2 people who were destined to spend time together, but not eternity......the song from the film won an oscar......barbra sang it........memories, light the corners of my mind...misty water-colored memories...of the way we were.......and this song comes to mind as i ponder the notion of memories.....just who owns memories.......can we really say...those are not your memories, they are my memories............when both people have a recollection of the same event, or movie, or written piece of prose.......of collective events such as a childhood.......they cannot be split apart and divided and carted off in sections...like goods at an estate auction........even if the photographs are pasted into absurd grey cardboard albums....the memories persist.......and when one says that these are not your memories, they are mine.....perception is the key.......that is why there are 4 gospels, because even the holy could not agree on what was truth.......each remembered things a bit differently..........such assertions mean little to those in the here-and-now.....it is only when there is no longer physical record of memory that this things become more delicate and precious.....when the photos burn or the letters we thought we kept cannot be found...or the mainframe crashes and 4 years of musings are toast......i was once at the supper table with relatives discussing the past....whereupon my aunt blurted out a family myth about her cousin, who was present.....whereupon he stated the truth as he remembered it....in that it involved him and his own adoption and birth records...and my aunt disagreed.....like her memory would/could trump the memory of the person directly involved and present at all events.....i have oft admitted to making up my own truths as i go along......i believe that all of us who value sanity do this as a way to keep ourselves emotionally whole.......but then, i cannot speak for others...only for myself......this evening i read a lovely article in my spouse's college alumni publication...about an alumnae from the college of wooster who turns 100 years old this week.......and i was impressed about her outlook......a woman who finished college in 1927.....and worked a year before 'settling down to marry and have a family' the way culture dictated at the time.......and i think to myself...who owns her memories...her family, the college, those who read the article and were inspired by it.....are her memories now splintered and dispersed...like so much nitrogen in the atmosphere.......can her words, once said, be ever taken back.......having been touched by her i am changed, to some extent......galvanized with the resolve to promote the higher education of all women........there are still women out there who, if they were to go to college, would be the first in their families to do so.....but i digress from memories........and ownership of memories.....and blogging...and are the things that i ponder my own to ponder, or because they involve others somehow off limits........i almost gave up this blog several years ago, due to sincerely felt horror swelling up from those i love.....but i was persuaded to plow on......by the loyal opposition, who inspired the blog in the first place........and blog on i shall......as long as i have memories i can call my own to commit to the great abyss.......memories may be beautiful and yet,...the song goes..... what's too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget...and so its the laughter, we will rmember, whenever we remember the way we were......gosh, i wonder if the fellow i saw the movie with all those years ago ever thinks of me when he hears the song.....does he own the memory?....do i own it......does it matter.............

disharmony......

ok, so there was discord in the air from the moment i got home......much of it a carryover from last night.......some of it was textile........i cannot believe that i actually thought that the plasticized fabric used to cover the benches matched the tableclothes.....ouch.......in the light of day they screamed at each other to 'go away'.......the plastic fabric had been in my mother's attic......and it was put into service when i realized that the older covers were mildewed...and the tablecloth fabric was also on hand.....no real investment, just making use of what i had stashed away........and so i had to choose......mold or mismatch........ah well.........i shall get over it.....or at least as soon as the tableclothes are put away until such time as they do match the benches........but this is petty compared to more parental issues.....such as the fact that i quoted in a memory book something that was 'come across' and not something offered up to my eyes specifically to read.......and while i can argue til the cows come home that things left about are apt to be read........i was wrong to have read them and to have quoted them.......the fact that these words were brilliant and insightful.....well...that goes without saying.....but i should not have read them...when the piece was offered up to me by the one who found it as brilliant....i should have shrieked, with righteous indignance,....that i could not possibly read an essay found under the keyboard............a work not my own.......but alas....i am a flawed version of the parent i set out to be...........i deserve no forgiveness.......that is all............gentle readers....many who will be leaving home for college this fall.....be aware that anything left around and about is fair game.......so tidy up and lock away every bit of readable material..........just a suggestion........at the very least...do not leave anything of value under the keyboard of a computer needing service..........

this car excess height......

ok, so i got stopped by the train that goes briskly through the middle of downtown harrodsburg at predictable intervals during the day...7:55 am.......if i am running late i will not actually get to work until 8:05........and 12:30 pm......if i am going in search of lunch i could get stopped for a bit.......and then there is the 4:35 train......which could be avoided if one left work just a tad early......today i watched as several cars blasted over the tracks despite the horn flashing lights and the warning horn......i maintain a healthy fear of oncoming locomotion....and i stopped first in line to venture ahead when the train passed by.....much to the chagrin of the royal blue truck in back of me.....that barely stopped without ramming my bumper...obviously this guy thought we both could have beaten the train....watching trains go by can be boring.....trying to read the signage as the cars pass......this car excess height.....or try to make sense of the chemical contents by their elemental names.......but my attention turned to the blue truck.....and it was this truck that entertained me during my forced wait.....the reluctant driver and his overly willing girlfriend......this girl was already sitting next to him...but she chose her forced wait as a time to try to sit on top of him and nuzzle his neck......the driver......probably still in high school.....looked to be a bit cool to these advances....as he repeated brushed her back....like bangs that are in the way.......curious....that a young man in his prime would be disinterested in such attentions....or it could be the fact that this was downtown...right in front of the hardware store/lumber yard.......and that there were quite a few eyes watching.....the girl involved seemed oblivious to this reality, however........gentle readers.....be aware that p.d.a..........can be too public (and blog-fodder)....best keep such attempts at coziness private....i am not sure which was worse....the brazenness of her attempts..or the embarrassment she should have felt when rebuffed..........

ok, so this fine gathering of young ones agreed to a photo-op........and oscar the wirehaired fox terrier...well....he just goes where he wants these days....... 

miles to go before i sleep......

ok,so i am not ready for our dessert party tonight.......so many things that could/should be done beforehand......and i lay awake from 4-5 am thinking about them....one would imagine that after we heard the comforting "i'm home" that i would have slept peacefully, but that is not how my aging body works at this point......waking up hot and not being able to fall asleep seems to be the ritual these days........but somehow it will all be ok.......at least for this afternoon....i have 3 other people to put to work finishing up......thank god for family............

ok, so i never said that i wouldn't post this stunning picture of a precious prom couple....... 

update......

ok, so i have recovered all the benches and rockers.....and made individual lemon tarts.....and started the laundry......still to do:.......hem the tableclothes that go with the newly covered benches......make pecan squares, clean the bathrooms.......put stuff away......well....maybe that can wait til tomorrow.........oh yeah....i need to finish planting the pots outside...but it is pouring down rain so that will have to wait as well........

more dead snakes......

ok, so yesterday, when i was dealing with my second truckoad of mulch...i stepped back from the truck to get a better angle when shoveling the dark brown material into the wheelbarrow.....only for my shoes to come down......on a tiny, but very dead snake........i will admit to a bit of knee-jerk jumping back and screaming.......mostly for the snakes striping pattern.....not lengthwise.....as in garter snakes.....but circular....in red and yellow with black in between......and though i do not believe coral snakes to live sround here, it surely looked like one to me, or so it did at first glance.......i suppose it was in the driveway when i maneuvered the heavy load in through the gates and behind the empty garage bay.......for it looked a tad flattened.......of course...when i went to find a witness to this dead curiousity......it was no longer there when my middle child returned with me......yeah right, mom....there was a coral snake.....that is not what he said......he didn;t actually say anything......he merely shook his head as if i was an errant teller of tales and this is the least of what he should expect.......but later on...over my mother's birthday chicken breast grill-out.......there it was back.....my mother supposed that one of the dogs had been playing with it.....and lost interest right about where i had last seen it......the neighbor who is a naturalist was called in.......he believes that it was a hatchling....fresh from the egg....of an eastern milk snake.......nonpoisonous........and much bigger at maturity.....which means that there are more of those little buggers out there.......growing minute by minute because they had not the misfortune as to venture into my driveway........i have 1.5 days of labor left to get ready for this graduation party.....must get busy.........fortunately, the remaining work does not involve the yard....and should be snake-free........

fox56

ok, so my middle child will be traveling to lexington next week, along with his cap and gown to a small to-do with fox56......and he will be filmed with his certificate for a congratulatory 30 second tv spot to be played along with the usual commercials.......what fun.....there are 2 from each school.....and we have not yet heard who is the other lucky person chosen from danville hs to be fox56 Best In The Class according to the letter sent there will be two students from each of the area high schools.......what fun......i will already be in lexington attending a workshop....and we are hoping that tosca can meet us there......if she is available on wednesday afternoon......that would be a lot of fun......and a big honor.......

little people.....

ok, so somebody should have warned me ahead of time.......as i was rounding the corner in my thursday health dept location......i spied...a dwarf.........gentle readers....i was ever so glad that this little person was walking away from me rather than toward me.....as i would have been devastated for her to have seen the look of surprise on my face........one doesn't see many dwarves these days......i am not sure that i have ever seen one up close......and it turns out that she is the daughte rof the facility director....her only child.....and she has a job and drives a specially equipped car.....and has a basically normal life..... wow......considering that i spend my days talking to people who have proportionate body parts but not the sense to find or keep a job......nor feed their families adequately, nor...well you know what i mean.......i am not sure how this could have been gracefully brought up......welcome to _______, by the way, you might just see a dwarf from time to time.......i guess that wouldn't be any more polite than to say nothing.......the official website of the little people of america informed me that they prefer to be called little people rather than dwarves or midgets...........and that membership is this group may only be offered to people 4 foot 10 inches or smaller......everyday there is something new to learn..........

designer nightmares......

ok, so when i thought that i was all caught up with things......like the painting....and on top of everything else regarding timeframes/deadlines etc.....i somehow manage to come up with new things to worry over......and thus it was that in the middle of the night....yeh...when i woke up in a pool of mmmenopausal sweat....it came to me that maybe my middle child forgot to buy prom tickets....and when i finally drifted back off to sleep i had prom dreams/nightmares...kind of a fade between scream1 and home alone and a yet unmade film about evil yet goodlooking prepboys who try to beat up the family of the boy who took the alpha-male's ex-girlfriend to the prom......at one point in this dream we were living in a multistory victorian house....and i was able to send the picture of these lugs and their baseball bats and tireirons as they stood beating at our front door and as i called 9-1-1.......and there was a group of eastern bloc children living on one of the floors....and i was afraid that these crazy jealous hoodlums would hurt them.....and our old couch was in this dream....the one i recall having from my oldest memories of life.......in an aqua fabric that doesn't seem quite likely....but that is how dreams work, isn't it........and at some point i was being chased across a golf course by these crazies in a small convertable......i am so tired from running....but i do recall them all being taken away in handcuffs.....and i am so tired this morning fromm all that running from the car........presumably my child's promdate didn't recently date somebody who owns a small convertable.......that would be too worrisome.....i might not sleep again, or at least until i sketched out the screenplay........

paint......

ok, so i have spent the past two days painting the porch...the floor, the pillars, the railings.......and repainting the rest of the porch furniture...most of which has acheived relic status at this point......our benches were found underneath the cabin known as the ham house when we moved in.....the ham house originated as a clubhouse for the knights of pythias......a pseudo-whitesupremacy group it would seem from reading the deed for that section of the property we purchased from my spouse's grandpa.....but i digress from the painting theme......i have ruined a pair of quickdry hicking shorts with the seminole red paint used these last 24 years in the rocking chairs, benches and doors.....and have spots of harbor grey from the porch floor in my hair........how that was managed i have no idea........all this for our little gettogether on sunday night to honor our graduate to be......at thispoitn i can no longer be accused of having a party to show off my garden.....this is to showcase my lack of painting skills.......gentle readers...do not look too closely.........simply smile and nibble a cookie ro two.......i am pleased with the guest list thus far.......people who have meant so much to us and hopefully to our child in terms of his overall journey into the man he is today.......i am grateful that his montessori teacher could attend.....she taught this child from 2-5th grade, in addition to latin tutoring for 3 years......and i must credit her with the keeping of his flame.......my spouse had a curious conversation with a centre professor this morning on the thursday 6:00 am run.......this fellow contended that he could acheive a quality education for his child without resorting to private schools or tutoring and most to the point...without paying extra for any of these services.......to which collective replied.......heck no........at least in most cases........public schools have always and will always cater to the most common denomonator.....and those at the top of the heap and those at the bottom do lose out......either from being lost in the shuffle, or held back from their potential..........and this is what i value in the montessori style of education........the go-at-your-own-pace format.......or in the case of our sons.....the how far can i go before i run out of things to study format........in both cases.....we will easily recoup our investment in the form of scholarships and grants awarded to both............as i recall, the montessori tuition was little more than we had paid for daycare......a bargain........but back to paint.......one oculd argue that i am simply covering the flaws in both the prch floor and the railings with paint.....but hey.....i plan to cover more flaws with mulch when i pick up a truck load tomorrow.......we all have so many flaws.....and the polite amongst us will refrain from pointing them out..........especially any paint still clinging to my hair...........

ok, so the princeton filibuster has moved to the nation's capitol........and it has been a coalition of dc colleges, including georgetown, george washington, howard, trinity, and american...both students and professors......and some actual elected officials....senator lautenburg and representative holt...both of nj have already spoken....and tomorrow senator corzine of nj and a senator from ny...the one that is not hillary......will speak at a rally.....this is impressive stuff.....and going on 4oo hours........god bless america......... 

misery....

ok, so it is time to go on record as saying that this has been the most miserable spring season thus far for airborne allergens.......my sinuses are irritated/swollen to the point my teeth hurt......and my eyes itch.....and the drainage has spurred on a mean cough......and i have not even begun the mulching process nor the planted of the big outdoor pots with annuals.......just thought you'd want to know, gentle readers...........just how hard it is being me......

ok, so the princeton filibuster people are taking their protest on the road...to d.c. good for them.......... 

drive......

ok,so right about where my mother screeched about the $1.92/gal gas.....in the worthington/dublin/upperarlington area of columbus....there was a billboard for an upcoming dave matthews concert.......but that is not the topic of my blog.....no...it is about my day, which involved crazed driving from place to place.....first...to harrodsburg high school for a health fair, then to a diabetes support group....then to frankfort for a training whereupon the person leading the event seemed unconcerned that there were no farmers from my county present to learn about how the government would reimburse them for selling produce to low income women.....and this moron (thin, in high heels, moron.......) actually implied that maybe i would have to recruit my own farmers.......whoa nelly.........i am willing to do many things to help mankind.....but i do not think that i am willing to go farm to farm asking perfect strangers if they would care to take vouchers for produce......am i being petty, and somewhat lazy, gentle readers...to scoff at the state staff's request that we could have a viable farmer's market if i would just find the farmers..........which doesn't mean that i would actually have to farm to qualify......there are certain herbs on the acceptable list, including mint......anmd therefore i could be a mint farmer who happens to buy the rest of her saleable fruits and vegetables from somebody else's farm......but i digress...because i have neither the time nor the energy to try to pretend that i am a truck farmer.....though i come from a long line of truck farmers.......my great uncle bill stephan was a truck farmer, and he was the son of michael stephan......whose relatrives we visited in germany a few years ago.....and they were big produce farmers in the cleveland area.........and mayhaps that is why i feel so connected to my own ground.....with flowers and herbs rather than with vegetables.......who knows......but i digress yet again.......i attended at 2 hour training for nothing, it would seem......and there was nobody in authority who could tell me any different.......welcome to public health i was told when i finally dragged my sorry body back to my office..........

first in family to.........

ok, so in searching u of k's web site to discern whether my eldest, in fact, made the dean's list......i saw more interesting fodder...such as the story of a fellow who is his family's first ever to graduate from college.........and i got to thinking about my own story....because it is all about me, isn't it?........and i have few distinctions, that...if earned....could classify me as first........not first bachelor's, master's.......nope.....and if i were to get a phd i wouldn't be the first.....and if i were to get a divorce i wouldn't be first.....and i wouldn't be first at consecutive days alive.......not number of invasive surgeries....nor number of countries visited/parachuted into........nor the highest ever income reported for......nor the most children.....nor the most adopted children........i may have an edge in that i appear to the first of my cousins to refuse to dye my hair to cover grey....but that is hardly a distinction...the hyphenated name.....while i feel that this steadfast devotion to egalitarianism is significant.....there are those in my family who still send mail to mrs e weber......after 24 years of hyphenated bliss.......like the hyphenated thing was a passing fancy?.........and i am not the first nor the last to vote democrat......nor the first to be a southern baptist........nor the first to name one's children after a truck....well....i didn;'t actually do that....my cousin tim c named his eldest boy to have the initials gmc.........after the truck..........ouch.........what could i do to top that?........on the other hand.....i heard a first-time story today......about my dad's only sister....who went to college nights to get a teaching degree in home economics.......when her oldest daughter was 13 and responsible enough to take care of the younger 2.........and this was big news.....to know that a blood relative of mine had the gumption to scratch her way outside of the box and do what the heck she pleased......with or without her parents help....so sad that she was the eldest and had no push from her parents to do anything but find a husband...the infamous m.r.s. degree............ah well, but back to me.........i suppose i am the first in my family to sustain a blog for what........2600 posts......not that i have advertised this to the rest of them.......and not that any of them would care to read any of random bits of brilliance.................heck......today my mother read aloud every sign she saw....as if i hadn't the wherewithall to read them on my own.........maybe she doesn't think i CAN read.......maybe i am the first master's prepared illiterate..........now...that is so mean for me to say......but then....this blog comes totally aboveboard as to the meanness herein................

there and back again.....a daughter's tale....

ok, so i drove to columbus ohio today....and back.......so that my mother did not have to make the trip for her followup surgeon's visit on her own......and a local orthopod could have done the same thing......she felt the need for closure with the guy who actually opened up her shoulder....and so i drove through lexington and through cincinnati....and through most of columbus....mostly ignoring subtle suggestions to pull into shopping areas to see what is there...not so fast.....meanmamma of the meanmamma......i have finally figured out that what you leave behind i will have to dispose of/contend with/possibly pay for...perish that thought......but back to the trip.......it seemed to me that the scenery triggered similar stories to those told back in december when i made an identical trip for her consultation........and so i heard all over again the 1)this part of ohio is flat because of the glacier...2) that the phoenix golf links run by the city of columbus is actually reclaimed landfill.....get it?.....3) that the little miami river is named after the indian tribe.......4)that dave thomas way in the worthingon area of columbus is named after the dave thomas.....whose first wendy's was in this vicinity.....and that he was adopted...and funded programs to help children get adopted/cope with adoption.......5)osu stadium was revamped recently....6) her friends in boulder took her to a play that involved threads.....well...she threw that one in this trip...but she had already told me about it after i picked her up at the airport.........we did have a brief theological discussion......ont he right hand side of interstate 71 in ohio there are billboards that have the 10 commandments....likely funded by the farmer who owns the fields surrounding them........and the reverse side alludes to the reality of hell that awaits all that do not repent their wicked ways at this very moment.......and so i brought up the preacher in north carolina who asked 9 of his parishioners to leave because they did not support george w bush and his little war......and i brought up the 40 other members who left in protest.......and she did agree that church should be above politics....and that was enough for topical issues....and she returned to the discussion of her shoulder...or maybe it was aunt lola's hip.......who can keep track.......the comic relief of the journey came when she spied a sign for gas at $1.92/gallon......and she literally came out of her seat and shrieked that i should pull in......alas.....i could not do so in such lemming-like traffic...and in an area with curious filter lanes........when i finally pulled into a convenient station with gas at $1.95 she was almost despondent.....or at least a might peeved at me.........but hey.........i go for safety and convenience.....a value taught at home, i might add..........just last night, as we were walking away from rupp arena....and discussing the types of shrieks evoked at the called names of graduates......anywhere from claps to hoots to hollers....to yougogirl.......and yes....my favorite....the passionate whoooooooo........none of these reactions compared to the shriek of gas at $1.92............as if the cost of a college degree can compare with the savings of say 10 cents a gallon........well......gentle readers......i am really tired.......and i have so much to do this week in getting ready for a small gathering.......i have it in my mind that i can manage to repaint the porch before sunday....using white trim paint left behind by the fire patrol painters......And maybe repaint the porch floor.....and of course, there is mulching to be done...and annuals to plant........whoooooooo........and frodo thought he had a mighty quest..............

off-limit blog topics.....

ok, so there have been several blog topics of late that came and went...because i could not put these thoughts to the keyboard.......and not even in the secret blog...i suppose.....because the thoughts and subject matter could create bad feelings amongst people i care deeply about......and to be amusingly cryptic.....if ever asked just what i was withholding...i will simply say...cigarettes......because it is the only part of the unblogged blog that i am willing to divulge.............

frist filibuster at princeton #9

ok, so the frist filibuster at princeton is now nearing the end of it's second week and has surpassed 300 hours......and while there appears to be no end in sight....there is some mention of a phase 2....hmmmm......could be interesting......keep it up, guys.......this is democracy at work..... 

with bells on.......

ok, so the first rsvp to our little graduation soiree was on our answering machine when we got back from uk's graduation...more on that later......the caller will be there with bells on......that is such a lovely thing to say.....and i wish that i was already ready for the party......with everything painted and mulched and straightened up......i will have to gear up to get it all done......looking forward to seeing all of these people.....mostly my favorite people, now that i think of it.......but back to uk......we attended the graduation of andrew's girlfriend michelle.......us, and thousands of other folks....and that was not the whole graduation .......just the college of arts and sciences......graduation is done in stages......so we didn't even get to hear the president of the university.....just the dean of the college....there were only a handful of classics majors, and what seemed like 100 psychology majors.......and it was held in rupp arena...the alter of kentucky basketball....i had never been there.......i feel most blessed to have been inside, even if it was not for an actual game.....one day.....if i continue to live righteously....someone may up and give me a ticket or two........

more filibuster interludes.....

ok, so the derby was great....a 50-1 longshot ridden by a jockey named smith who had ridden at least 2 second place derby contenders in his past.......the horse, giacomo, is owned by a record company owner and is named after sting's 9 year old son.....how's that for trivia.......and george steinbrenner's horse, bellamy road- the favorite- failed to even place.....which sounds about right considering his nyy team this year.......ah well......and so today is mother's day......and as i blog i am fixing my own breakfast......and working on lunch.......my family doesn't subscribe to the notion of fixing mom breakfast in bed......at this point i believe that they avoid such tributes because the shock would probably kill me and then where would they be?......i do have a rose blooming today......stanwell perpetual.....i am releaved to see this rose bloom, as i moved it from a badly chosen location to a sunnier one....and the roots weren't as complete as they should have been once i got it out of the ground........hopefully it will thrive....and expand to it's potential......the stanwell perpetual i saw years ago at hidcote garden was huge........ah well......my breakfast calls.....

resign or repent?.......

ok, so i read this today at salon.com......it is too incredible for words......

A North Carolina pastor has given his faith-based community a Republican makeover. From ABC news affiliate WLOS:

"East Waynesville Baptist asked nine members to leave. Now 40 more have left the church in protest. Former members say Pastor Chan Chandler gave them the ultimatum, saying if they didn't support George Bush, they should resign or repent."

The minister declined an interview with the station, but did clarify, apparently, that "the actions were not politically motivated."

ok, so i can find a few words.....let's hear it for the 40 reasonable bush-supporters who left the church out of protest over the 9 who were asked to leave........that basically cheers my soul....to think that there are reaosnable republicans out there that are not in favor fo the strong arm tactics of the the religious right.......the inquisition was staged by the religious right of its time......let's all keep that in mind......

filibuster interlude.....

ok, so today i must tear myself away from the filibuster long enough to watch the ky derby........the hype is at it's height about now.....the odds on favorite is bellamy road....a colt out of new york....trained by nick zito and owned by george steinbrenner......given the mlb standings...with george's nyy losing 19 games thus far.......ouch....poor george needs a bit of a pick-me-up.......some favorites end of winning the runfor the roses....smarty jones was the favorite and winner last year......but this state really loves a dark horse....the kind that excellerates from the back and moves up steadily to take it all at the last minute.......no hint of rain today...so the track conditions should be perfect.....we are invited to a derby party......we won't be getting there til 5:30 or so......but since the actual race doesn't start til nearer to 6:30 we should have plenty of time to enjoy a beverage and visit with friends before posttime.......by beverage i do not mean mint juleps....for the uninitiated......a mint julep is a concoction of sugar syrup, bourbon (from ky, of course) and mint sprigs.......and the taste is something that has never appealed to me after all of these years in ky.......luckily, our host is a fan of sauvignon blanc........and so i will check in on the filibuster one last time about 5:15......and catch back up when we get home......how long can they go....these brave princetonians..........300 hours....500 hours.....i am so impressed and touched by their devotion to the cause......at this point they deserve a mont julep or two......

christian lawschools......

ok, so today on the drive to work, npr had a piece on about the rise in christian law schools.....and this notion was chilling.......the possibility of 600 lawyers turned out per year to spread their version of american law to the heathen masses.......the boradcast was part of series....yesterday's installment was about the tour of the granite 10 commandments slab that was removed from the courthouse somewhere in the south in the highly publicized conflict between the judge who placed it there and the governor........the ten commandments.....brought down off the mountain by moses.......according to these zealots.....america was founded and her laws entirely based on these 10 rules...........partly true, but not nearly as completely so as these folks so fervently and so blindingly believe......the pilgrims came to these shores to escape a religious environment whereupon their was one approved church......and everybody better see things that way...........the pilgrims sought religious freedom, moreso than christian doctrine...they had all of that they wanted back home.......they simply wanted to do things differently.......and yet these same folks seem bent on making the rest of us do things their way....like there is only one way to be a christian.......gentle readers, i have oft blogged about the increasing difficulty i have in teaching sunday school and attending church in what has got to be the most liberal of southern baptist congregations on the planet........most of the children of younger members attend the christian school...........which may be just fine and dandy........but a skewed view on the world...the same way that catholic school gave a skewed view on the world.......at this point in my life i see the problem thusly........there are christians who want everybody else to do and see things their way....and there are christians who desire to tolerate other world views with regards to the spiritual realm......and do not mind that others do not agree with them......i am in the latter camp.....but i fear that the christian right has come to believe that they own the right point of view.....but i digress from my original point......about the origin of american law........the sumpreme court does, in fact, have a frieze with moses carrying down the 10 commandments....but said frieze also includes hammerabi......and makes reference to greece, to rome, and other historic sources of justice.......and we christians do not have dibs on moses.....he brought the commandments to the jews, not to the christians.........and when we get really down to the nitty gritty.....the what would jesus do part....he said that we should love our neighbor as we would love ourselves.......and then there was the part on the mount of olives where he said that divorce was a sin.......i would really like to see a show of hands on remarried senators who align themselves with the christian right.........i mentioned a while back that a mother of a former classmate of my middle child (got it?) is studying to take ther lsats this summer.....at 49 she is hoping to go to lawschool......and she is one of the most progressive thinking christians i know......if only we could recruit 600 women just like her a year...now that would be something..............

frist filibuster #8

ok, so this guy is a professor of history at princeton........doing his part in the filibuster.....now nearing 250 continuous hours........i read this morning that slots are booked up at least 3 days in advance....even the 5:00 am slots......quite impressive.....if bill frist had the balls to show up and have his say during this protest.....now that would be really IMPRESSIVE...........but back to the history professor.....i wish that the webcam had sound as well.....i would have liked to have heard the actual lecture from this learned man......as well as the actual words of the nobel laureate, the physics folks et al.........but we cannot have it all, now can we?...............for the record, i believe that a bronze plaque is in order.........imbedded into the concrete...to commemorate this occassion.........so much more meaningful in this day and age than 'george washington slept here.....' 

frist filibuster #7

ok, so i am wondering why, with so many published authors teaching at princeton, why so few have come out to read from their printed works.......the reading that i attended with my middle child on his post-acceptance visit to princeton was marvelous......a joyce carol oates or toni morrison reading could draw huge crowds......heck...i'd even consider driving up from kentucky for that.......

snakes...

ok, so here is a secret blog that i held back due to my enthusiasm for progressive politics.....from sunday

ok, so it is with horror that i recall the events of this afternoon..i decided to pull myself away from the filibuster long enough to get some yard work done....i was whacking off the top and sides of the mature euonymous bushes that line the western-side of the house.....i say mature because they are over 15 years old....and the base of each is quite thick....it is all we can do to trim them down far enough each season to keep them from creeping under the siding.......and so i was whacking methodically when i spied the head of a snake coming out from between the leaves......only i didn't see it in time to stop the hedge clippers......oops.........i was so horrified by the sight of the partially decapitated snake that i screamed and leaped back.......which got the attention of my spouse who was mowing the lawn.......thankfully he disposed of said snake before i could decompensate any further.....gentle readers.....much as i dislike snakes....i do not wish them ill and certainly do not seek to eradicate them from the face of my personal planet......and though i saw another (whole) snake within 20 minutes...i am saddened that i dispatched the one in the bushes............so much for the snake in the grass......around here one must also keep vigilant about the snake in the bush..........

ok, so this english professor filibustered yesterday at princeton in front of frist.....and i was heartened by his choice of reading material.......tkamockingbird is such a classic tale of the little guys finding the strength to stand up against the big guys......and there is no more potent a male role in all of film that gregory peck in the screen version.......while i have read the book, it is difficult to see atticus finch as anyone but peck.......and should the filibuster live on beyond this show of opposition on princeton campus, i will always see students and professors reading from favorite texts when i hear of a senate floor filibuster, rather than guys in suits reading from phone books.......... 

frist filibuster at princeton #6

ok, so this is asshessh sidduqie, the guyon the right who organized the event, and helped keep it going for nearly 200 hours....and the guy on the left is a junior who voiced the republican view on the filibuster....which meant he basically showed up and got to be on national televsion......they were both interviewed this morning by al franken on his air america radio show.......and it was clear that al franekn was much more prepared as to the republican use of the filibuster in the past than this guy on the left......it was humerous......and asheesh was really on target with the student support for the continuation of a traditional voice for the senate minority through a symbolic filibuster of their own.......which would take place in a public thoroughfare on campus.....and on this campus the frist family just happened to donate the most public of spaces......i am impressed by asheesh....as i am impressed by the whole student filibuster demonstration......peaceful, fervent......in what is still a free america...... 

ok, so this was a letter to the editor in the dialy princetonian this week, in response to the filibuster...it is quite brilliant.....

matters: Being the loyal opposition
By Catherine Rampell
http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/archives/2005/05/02/opinion/12829.shtml

In my last column, I took some (easy) jabs at Bill Frist '74. In
response, my father, Sen. Frist's classmate and fellow Cottager, laid on
the Jewish guilt pretty doggone thick. "There goes my shot at Secretary
of the Treasury," he said. A loyal alum who believes in the loyalty of
fellow alumni, he was only half-joking.

I have written in the past about the University's defensible fealty
to its alumni, which I had previously conceptualized only as a nebulous
body of legacy-spawners. Suddenly I began reconsidering our duty toward
specific, individual alumni; in particular, those private persons with
public faces. What do we owe those who give Princeton not just their
enthusiasm and their paychecks, but their reputations as well?

Every group that alleges a common experience, territory or gene pool
loves to bask in the glory of its externally-exalted stars. This is the
whole basis of Adam Sandler's Chanukah song. As the saying goes, success
has a thousand fathers, and Princetonians are quite paternally prolific.

We Princetonians presume ourselves to be cut from the same cloth as
our accomplished alumni and claim success by proxy. The same orange and
black blood that coursed through Jimmy Stewart '32's veins must flood
ours, too.

Of course, we don't brag about our more "embarrassing" matriculants.
Our Orange Key tour guides don't point out the hallways Lyle Menendez
'93 traversed or the dorms he inhabited. They're not supposed to, in any
case. It makes sense that we wouldn't want to associate ourselves with a
brutal double murder. But we are not so much embarrassed by our
association with him, as we are dismissive of the relationship between
his exposure to Princeton and his crime. In general, we assume the good
things Princetonians do are consequences of their going to Princeton,
and the bad things Princetonians do are irrelevant to their days at Old
Nassau. We convince ourselves that Princeton nurtured a talent or
provided an opportunity that led to fame and fortune. We are proud of
Princetonians for the respect they get from others -- evidenced by
awards, offices and fame. Yet in doing this, we end up claiming that we
are proud of these Princetonians for their Princetonianess.

Accomplished Princetonians do their school and alumni a favor by
allowing us to bask in their glory and share their good repute. Many of
these alumni not only don't mind that Princeton mooches off their
success, but even welcome said mooching. Like former Senator Bill
Bradley '65, Frist has publicly honored Princeton, and for that I am
sure both the admissions office and Annual Giving are quite grateful.
But is a university -- as an institution or as a body of alumni --
obligated to reciprocate this devotion?

The answer is yes, if you believe in loyalty of the "loyal
opposition." As Princetonians, it is our duty to be more critical of
those decrying orange and black. Frist's Harvard Medical School class
seems to agree with me; according to Newsweek, 31 of these 165
classmates wrote Frist a letter saying he had used his medical degree
improperly when he diagnosed Terri Schiavo from afar. Princeton alumni
often follow in a similar vein. Many of the alumni letters to the editor
in PAW accuse him of "tarnish[ing]" Princeton's reputation, perhaps
exaggerating how much Frist publicly chalks up his legitimacy as a
public servant to his days at Old Nassau.

Be at ease, dear reader, if you cringe at the thought of carping on
an alumnus as renown as Frist. After all, one might ask the likes of
George W. Bush, who did his utmost to distance himself from Andover and
Yale, if gleaning support from an "elitist" alma mater is a political
priority, or even desirable. By eschewing relationships with their alma
maters, both Bush and Frist try to prove they haven't been infected by
the famously liberal Ivy League and thus get their bona fides with the
hard right -- which Frist's "Justice Sunday" remarks were clearly aimed
at.

In other words, criticizing Frist is a win-win situation, since the
greatest show of loyalty we can offer him is our disloyalty. I wonder,
though: If Frist's rightist pandering rappels him much further away from
the shamefully liberal Ivory Tower, at what point will he reach the
critical mass of un-Princetonianess such that our loyal disloyalty (or
our disloyal loyalty) becomes a lost and forgotten cause?

In other words, at what point does he become Lyle Menendez? Or worse
yet, when does he become Donald Rumsfeld '54?

Catherine Rampell is a sophomore from Palm Beach, Fla. She can be
reached at crampell@princeton.edu.