so funny.........

ok, so i have borrowed the following from the shouts and murmurs section of the new worker, for which i do subscribe.........

LIBERAL RADIO NETWORK EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION
by BRUCE McCALL
Issue of 2004-03-29
Posted 2004-03-22
We are an equal-opportunity, pro-choice, antiwar, non-smoking, non-sectarian network with a fiftyfifty male/female staff that recycles. Always remember to buckle up for safety!

Personal Information:

DO NOT WRITE IN THIS SPACE

We respect your civil rights and your right to privacy and do not ask you to reveal any personal information. We rely on the honor system to inform us if you are a pervert, terrorist, or carrier of mad-cow disease.

1. Which statement below is incorrect?
(a) Ann Coulter is not an evil person.
(b) There is no need to raise one’s voice when arguing a political position.
(c) We must always remember that Abe Lincoln was a Republican.
(d) It’s important to respect opinions that are different from one’s own.
(e) Nobody is right all the time.

Answer: Maybe no statement is incorrect.

2. You’re at a Peter, Paul & Mary reunion concert when a right-wing militiaman bursts into the hall with an AK-47 and declares that he will hold everyone hostage until the U.S. government admits to war crimes against patriots and agrees to pay one billion dollars in reparations. Do you:
(a) Defuse the situation by asking the audience to join Peter, Paul & Mary in singing “If I Had a Hammer.”
(b) Confront the militiaman and ask to see his gun permit.
(c) Take up a collection among the audience to pay a token reparation.

Answer: Perhaps none of the above? Instead, why not call a town meeting and have a free and open debate?



3. It would not be nice for a liberal radio network commentator to mention:
(a) Strom Thurmond’s daughter.
(b) Trent Lott’s abrupt comedown.
(c) Halliburton’s overcharges in Iraq.
(d) George W. Bush’s military record.

Don’t know__ Not sure__ Let me think__



4. It would be nice for a liberal radio network commentator to mention:
(a) The eradication of polio.
(b) unicef Christmas cards.
(c) The bald eagle’s comeback.
(d) Increased car safety.

I think so__



5. If Rush Limbaugh were to call me a fuzzy-minded élitist knee-jerk bleeding-heart liberal sissy without cojones enough to support the death penalty, I would:
(a) Softly weep.
(b) Admit that he has a point.
(c) Ask what the A.C.L.U. would do.

Answer: All three could work.



6. If I hosted a liberal radio network talk show, my guests would include:
(a) Pat Buchanan. (c) Bill O’Reilly.
(b) Pat Robertson. (d) Karl Rove.

(If you checked none of the above, memorize the “Tolerance ‘R’ Us” poem posted in every liberal radio network rest room.)



7. From the list below, circle your five favorite words/phrases/names:
a) Volvo. (g) Henry Wallace.
(b) Ginseng. (h) Dog bandanna.
(c) Berkeley. (i) Tim Robbins.
(d) Canada. (j) “Sesame Street.”
(e) Hiking. (k) Dobro.
(f) Egg toss. (l) Vietnam.


8. The four funniest moments in PBS history, in my opinion, were:
1.____________ 2.___________
3.____________ 4.___________

If you cannot think of even one, perhaps we should delete this question from the application. What do you think?



well, i am a fan of public radio......despite the fact that i cannot think of any truly funny moments......unless you count the recipe for cranberry sauce that they replay every thanksgiving.....and the pretend dinner party at julia child............