getting better every day....

ok, so.....i am into week 14 of my recovery.....walking mostly without a crutch, mostly straight, and mostly without significant pain....pain is not the best descriptive for the feeling one gets when one's flesh has swollen out between the straps of one's sandal.....discomfort doesn't quite fit either....had i the stamina to walk into the backroom in search of a thesaurus to find a better word i would do so, but my foot is swollen up around my sandal and i prefer to just sit here and settle for lesser adjectives....my spouse says i must have walked far too much yesterday:....two stores in lexington and across a parking lot to RL after swimming laps, watering the greenhouse, and weeding here and there by the terrace. I also managed to carry numerous bags of groceries into my mother's house and into my house....including the bargain wines i bought at Trader Joe's...I am mighty partial to the fume blanc from chile...or it is SV....not worth climbing the stairs to be certain....these days i calculate the relative importance of each movement requiring me to get up and walk...even on flat surfaces....this truth makes the comments by others so ironic....'you must be doing too much' is how the conversation tends to start....how can a person who consciously decides to move eahc and every time she moves be doing too much?....but yet today my foot is swollen and i accomplished far fewer tasks then intended....the highlight of the week was the putting on of lace-up shoes....i really do walk straighter with arch support....the list of shoes that can accomodate the angry-looking ankle was limited to three pairs of sandals and two pairs of clogs...so the addition of another shoe that can be worn with socks on cold days is certainly progress.....Precious is making progress of her own...she has transitioned from shivering in hercrawl space hidey-hole to wandering through the house while everyone else is asleep to following us outdoors for a bit of fresh air to curling up at my feet...in our bed....for a nice little nap sometime before dawn last night....so very kind of my spouse to see the sweetness in having a rescue cat who knew no home find comfort in sleeping with her new family.....

PTSD

ok, so....i had a bit of a breakdown last evening....i was sitting on the basement floor, trying to lure out the new cat with a toy on a string......she was not buying any of this 'come on out sweet precious kitty' stuff....i got to thinking about how i had planned to paint the basement floor once the freezer was gone...and those thoughts of the months out of my planned-out life that were lost....multiplied by the nagging pain and swelling that remains in my recovering foot...i started in crying....no...outright sobbing....sobbing so loudly that my spouse came downstairs to ask what was going on...and he tried to help me get the cat out of the furnace-area croawl space where she has boon holed up since tuesday evening....it occured to him that maybe she was in stephan's room...where i had sat earlier in the evening watching a movie as a way to lure out the cat...yep...she was under his bed....and when he fished her out she darted past me so quickly i did not have time to put my sandals back on and i tried running after her in bare feet...only to stumble....and start sobbing all over again.....gentle readers....i cannot recall the last time i had a good cry.....seems to me it was well after my miscarriage.....must be a pattern....keep it together during the tragedy but fall apart after everybody assumes that i have gotten over it.....clealry i am not over the wreck, the loss of kitty, the loss of un-watered boxwoods, roses and vegetable plants...and now that my new cat seems to have foresaken me....it became too much.....