war protests of yore....

ok, so.....this is yet more from the book i borrowed from the lbirary by anne lamott.....plan b.....i will buy this book when i am assured that having 2 childrne in college at the same time is not something to fret about......but i digress......anne lamott remembers in one of her pieces a man who stood, night after night, outside the whitehouse...with a candle....all alone.....and a reporter asked him...what he thought he could change by standing thusly night after night....the guy's name was/is a.j. muste......and a.j. replied.....'oh, i don't do it to change the country, i do it so the country doesn't change me.'

gosh......that was not what i would have expected....but the sentiment is so vital to the way i feel these days........dubya cannot and will not change how i feel about the way things should be......

procrastination

ok, so i could be packing a small bag to take along when we drive our middle child up east to college.....but no......i prefer the mindlessness that is browsing....and so here are the highlights of the new yorker cartoons that i will not see if the issue arrives after tomorrow afternoon.....a shameful reality...in that the magazine is published not 4 miles away....and has only to cross town to my mailbox.......

ky politics....

ok, so e.f is no doubt delighted about the hurricane....as it takes the focus off of him and his indicted-now-pardoned cronies.......who include a locally known boss hogg wannabe......gov fletcher did not go so far as to pardon himself......he merely pled the 5th at the investigation hearing into whether he and/or any one in his adminstration hired on the basis of political affiliation.......this was the guy who was gonna go to frankfort and clean things up after years of democratic hog swill....yeah, right.......the elephantine-types did the very same thing.....and seem surprised that anybody noticed the elephant in the corner...so to speak........

the utne reader......

ok, so this week, desparately seeking mental stimulation.....i read the online version of the utne reader.....a tried and true liberal voice.......and came across this blurb from sweden....

At One Swedish Library, You Can Borrow Books -- and a Lesbian
By The Associated Press via The Advocate
For a recent city festival in Malmo, Sweden, the public library was set to add
extra features to the shelves. Patrons were to be able to check out stereotyped
and often misunderstood people including a lesbian, a Dane, a Romany, a Muslim,
and a journalist. The library's hope was that giving local residents access to
people with whom they may not come into contact would help fight common
prejudices. Libraries in Denmark, Hungry, and Portugal also have featured the
Living Library project. -- Rose Miller
http://www.advocate.com/news_detail_ektid19850.asp


ok.......so i have no need to check out far-right conservatives.........there are too many around to count....and i understand them all too well......

katrina......

ok, so the rain has finally let up......or at least it has in central ky.....and we are hoping that we have seen the last of katrina.....strange to say this name, even in print, as associated with death and destruction.......it is a pet name in my family.......and recently in my office......where there are 4 kathy's(cathy's) employed.......just yesterday, the head clerk called back on the intercom for me, using what i will now think of as the storm name and after she said it, she gasped, and said...'i guess i shouldn't call you that anymore....'.......i am not the first in my family to be associated with a storm.....there has already been andrew, way back in the 90's......i doubt that they will ever get around to hurricane ernst.......and even if they did, it would come out as ern-nest.......but back to the horrible storm....this morning there was a montage of interviews with survivors, and a man from new orleans who had driven to jackson , mississippi to escape the potential destruction, only to have the hurricane's winds blow over a tree that crashed into his sister's house, and land just 4 feet from his head while he slept.....and so he and his wife are now in tennessee....worrying about the cats they left behind in new orleans.....the guy was in tears over his cats.......and i couldn't understand how he could have left them behind......especially since he had driven his own car.....not like he took the bus......so sad....and so long before thet area of the country gets back to normal......

au revoir, ann.....

ok, so i giggled over the recent fall from grace...of ann coulter......extreme right-wing blonde bimbo who low-rates everything i hold dear.....this, from salon.com


Here's a brief excerpt of Ann Coulter's syndicated column from Aug. 10: "(T)he savages have declared war, and it's far preferable to fight them in the streets of Baghdad than in the streets of New York -- where the residents would immediately surrender." Such choice words, and many others like them, have led the Arizona Daily Star to drop Coulter's column for good this week. Star editor and publisher David Stoeffler spelled out his reasons for dropping Coulter like this: "Many readers find her shrill, bombastic, and mean-spirited. And those are the words used by readers who identified themselves as conservatives." (Editor & Publisher, Arizona Daily Star)

maybe her base drifted away while she was out smoking a cigarette........

empty nest syndrome

ok, so i was delighted today to discover that my scattered feelings of loss, emptiness, and sadness have a bonafide syndrome attached......i was also amused that the psychology today piece on empty nest syndrome was sponsored by the makers of wellbutrin.......ha!.....as if mere medication could snap me out of my melancholy.....i have read numerous articles today about the cause and the cure....from sources ranging from the latterday saints.......to an online support group that boasted testimonials to match any and all symptoms.....i didn't read that site long enough to find out if they were selling anything....there are books on the subject....should i desire a bound copy of whatever wisdom can be gleaned on the subject.....and i must say...after all of my research that my state of mind has more to do with geography than anything......u.k. was just down the road......princeton is 12 hours away.......and further when one factors in the likelhood that the opportunities branch out to the ends of the earth.....i suppose i see this leaving as the end.......which my workmates have told me is a dream.....at least 3 women i work with are dealing with adult children who have moved back home with no exit strategy.....oy.......sobering information.......especially when said children bring their children with them......i may be living out the bestcase scenario.........so i should be happy and proud......and relieved.....rather than despondant.......it will be ok.......i happened upon a nice sentiment when browsing this afternoon between clients......a lj person whose on-line descriptive was...i don't need therapy..i haver an online journal.......amen..at least for now.....

ok,so my little brother sent this digitally snapped picture of an exposed engine....not the sort of thing one wants to see from one's airplane seat..... 

kitchen cabinets

ok, so what little dreaming i did last last revolved around the kitchen in my grandparent's house in cleveland.....and the cabinets there-in.....in the dream they had been transformed from varnished board into gleaming thickly polyurethaned glory......and the end counter had sprouted an ell-sort of a breakfast area with stools......a curious detail in that the room isn't big enough and the traffic pattern isn't set up for such a fixture.......in the course of the dream i was looking for something in the upper cabinets.....and instructing my children to put away empty glass canning jars in the lower ones.......my only cousin on that side of the family lives in that house now.....and i doubt that she has gone to the trouble of fixing up the cabinets to the degree that i envisioned them....i cannot imagine that i dreamed myself as actually living there myself....that has never been a fantasy at any time.....so this must have been a visit....though it was my sons that i was instructing....and they were way too small to be putting things away when we last visited there....makes no sense...the searching for or the putting away......as so few things make sense these days as we pack up our middle child.....i became embarrassingly tearful when he prepared to drive to lexington yesterday.....no need to go into details because there was no rhyme nor reason to it.....aside from the resemblence to my grandmother in her dotage.....she would become tearful over the strangest things...... and in that light, maybe the dream wastelling......that i am channeling the worst behaviors of my female line......oy.......

the ultimate republican fund rasier......

ok, so this was just too funny...from slate.com


low concept
The Parable of Jesus and the Rubber Chicken
What if Christ spoke at a Republican Party fund-raiser?
By Tom Peyer
Posted Thursday, Aug. 25, 2005, at 4:21 AM PT

TRANSCRIPT OF JESUS CHRIST'S REMARKS AT A REPUBLICAN PARTY FUND-RAISER, CRAWFORD, TEXAS, AUGUST 2005

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. I'm going to have a hard time living up to an introduction like that. (LAUGHTER)

First, let Me express My gratitude for your support over the last few years. It's nice to be thought of as a winner for a change. If I had known we'd get the House, the Senate, and two consecutive terms in the White House (APPLAUSE)—if I'd known all that, I would have had an easier time that Friday on the Cross, let me tell you. (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

But seriously, folks (LAUGHTER)—no, seriously, that day did pass, and then two more. Then I rose from the dead. (CHEERS, APPLAUSE) Thank you. I rose from the dead and I flew up to Heaven. But first, you'll remember, I made a little side trip to Hell (SCATTERED BOOS) just to get a look at how they do things. And I'm here to tell you, Hell is just like Heaven (AUDIBLE GASPS)—but with taxes. (LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE)

I'd especially like to thank President Bush, who gave me a free Pioneer membership. (AUDIBLE GASPS, MUTTERING) Was I not supposed to say that? Sorry. My point is, the president's a good man. The only real difference between Me and him is his daddy found a way to forgive Bill Clinton. (WILD APPLAUSE)

This president married well, too. He married a woman. (CHEERS, APPLAUSE) That's the right way. That's the way my Dad intended. Respect the sanctity of marriage. Now a few loud people keep saying the government should forget about sanctity, forget about religion. They want separation of church and state. See these hands? See the holes in them? That's separation of church and state. (APPLAUSE) I know George W. Bush, and I know he won't ever let that happen to me again. (CHEERS, APPLAUSE)

Ken Mehlman asked me to come down here today to meet with you good people and clear up a few things you've been wondering about. I told him I'd be glad to eat a little crow for a good cause. You'll forgive me if I read a brief prepared statement, but Ken and my Dad want me to get this just right. (LAUGHTER) Here goes.

"In My youth, I made certain ill-advised statements that I now regret. If I offended anyone, I apologize. I want to clarify that it is easy for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven. (CHEERS, WILD APPLAUSE)

"I'd like to apologize specifically to the money-changers. It is My sincere hope that you will come back into the Temple free of charge as My guests." (WILD APPLAUSE, CHANT OF "U.S.A! U.S.A!")

Finally—and this is Me speaking for Myself now—I want to say to the meek: Once we finally get rid of the death tax, you're not inheriting anything. Not while you're meek, so buck up. (CHEERS) And that goes double for you peacemakers. (LAUGHTER) Good night and Dad bless America. (CHEERS, WILD APPLAUSE)
Tom Peyer is a co-editor of O Holy Cow: The Selected Verses of Phil Rizzuto.

bush vacation jokes.....

ok, so these vacation jokes were in my 'in-box'.....enjoy.....

"President Bush is going on his annual vacation. The White House says he
goes to his Texas Ranch to unwind. I'm thinking, when does he wind?" --David Letterman

"As you know, President Bush is taking 5 weeks off. It's like he's still in
the National Guard." --Jay Leno

"It turns out President Bush can run again in the next election. Now I know
you're only supposed to be allowed two terms, but the Supreme Court said if
you count his vacation time, he's barely served one." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is on a five-week vacation. How many folks get five weeks
off a year? You know, if I want five weeks off I have to have open heart
surgery,for God's sake." --David Letterman

"The president jumped on a plane to start a five-week vacation. This will be
the longest presidential vacation in 36 years. This means President Bush has
now been on vacation for 27% of his presidency. That means the country could
be 27% more screwed up than it already is." --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush is at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, and here's the good>news -- hesays he will only stay until Crawford is capable of self
rule." --David Letterman

"Bush woke up this morning, saw his shadow and now -- six more weeks of
vacation." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is vacationing in Crawford, Texas. He will be vacationing
for five weeks. That's a long time. I don't think he has an exit strategy for his vacation either." --David Letterman

"Now is a great time for President Bush to go on vacation because Iraq is>pretty much under control. But a White House spokesman said Bush is using>his vacation to reconnect with regular people. So you know what that>means -- he's drinking again." --David Letterman

"After President Bush signed the new transportation bill, he said it's not
just enough to sign the bill -- people have to show up and do the work. Then
he went back to his five-week vacation." --Jay Leno

"President Bush still having his five-week vacation. Today President Bush announced he is going to leave his ranch in Texas to visit Idaho for two
days.However, Bush told his supporters, 'Don't worry, I won't do any work there
either.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush is on week three of his marathon five-week vacation. In
fact, he has been gone on vacation for so long that today in Washington, a
judge ruled that a young couple with two children can now legally move into the
White House because it appears to have been abandoned by its previous
tenants." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is on a five-week vacation. From what? President Bush,
before he went on vacation, he signed a bill that will extend daylight
savings another month. He said it proves we're winning the war on darkness" --David
Letterman

"President Bush is now in the second week of his five-week vacation down
there in Crawford, Texas. He's been taking a lot of criticism for this long
vacation and his aides say he has his laptop with him so he can still play
Solitaire and Minesweep -- so it's business as usual." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is taking his summer vacation. It's a five-week vacation.
This is his fiftieth vacation in the last five years -- that's about the
national averageisn't it? During his five-week vacation, he will continue to receive national security briefings. He won't be reading them, but he will receive
them." --David Letterman

"President Bush talked tough today. He said he's not backing out, he's
staying the course for as long as it takes. He's in it for the long haul.
Not Iraq -- his5-week vacation." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people are every critical of President Bush for taking the entire
month of August off for his vacation. But his staff points out, there's
nothing at theWhite House he can't do at the ranch because the ranch is fully quipped.It's got the treadmill, the weight room, the jogging path, the big screen
TV, they get Nickelodeon. It's got everything he would do." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is on a three-week vacation down in Crawford, Texas, and
it's what they call a working vacation. And staff say it is an important
time because it's time for him to kick back. And I'm thinking, when does
this guy kick forward?" --David Letterman

"So Congress is on recess and Bush is on vacation -- the town is empty. It's
so lonely in D.C. right now the NRA and the oil lobby are just giving money
to each other." --Jay Leno

chickenhawks.....

ok, so again i defer to salon.com for my most interesting fodder for the day...(chickenhawk is the newspeak for folks who want the usa in the war but have not themsleves served in the military).........

Back in June, a brave member of the White House press corps managed to ask Scott McClellan if any members of the Bush family were currently serving in the Armed Forces. McClellan said he didn't know and would have to check, and that's the last we've heard of it.

It's not the end of the question, of course. Editor & Publisher is predicting that more and more pro-war politicians will soon be pressed to say whether their own kids are enlisting in a cause they think is worth the lives of other people's children.

As E&P notes, Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney -- a potential Republican presidential contender in 2008 and a staunch supporter of the president's "stay the course" policy in Iraq -- got the question from a Boston Herald reporter last week. He didn't much like it.

Romney has five sons, age 24 to 35, and the Massachusetts National Guard will take 'em up to 39. Asked whether he had encouraged his sons to sign up, Romney said: "No, I have not urged my own children to enlist. I don't know the status of my childrens' potentially enlisting in the Guard and Reserve." As he answered, the Herald says, his voice became "tinged with anger."

as for the family of the meanmamma, i am so proud to disclose that my only sibling is a 20 year veteran of the united states army.......and my father, and all of his brothers save the youngest were veterans as well...the youngest, buy the way, is a staunch texas-based republican....and none of his sons joined up, either....go figure.....if the chickenhawk suit fits, wear it.........as for this pacifist antiwar-liberal......neither of my sons have shown interest in supporting the war by their presence or their confirmation.........my daughter may surprise us all and enlist....but she cannot do that for another 6 years.........amen to small favors.......

which brings me to pat robertson.....the granddaddy chickenhawk......who recently called publically for the elected president of venezuela to be 'taken out'.......to save us the cost of a war to oust him.......the spin on this has been dizzying....i saw an on-line headline.....thou shall not kill, unless you are pat robertson.....and it calls to mind the last time that church-types thought they were in the drivers seat.......it was during the time that martin luther got fed up and raised cain, so to speak......and led the reformation that was to be the beginning of the church's fall from power........pat must still think he still has the kahunas to make such statements....so he must be mostly out of touch, for still being on the air.......we discussed him in sunday school, by the way........i commented that he is acting like a man who lost his son's going-to-college sheets a few years back........(note- you must refer to the sheets blog to get this comment)

cowpoke president.....

ok, so i was not in the least surprised to day to learn that the fraud that dubya continues to seduce the american public with....yeah...i know that there is nothing grammatical about what i just wrote....i invite any and all to rewrite it just so......but i digress.......the truth is...dubya's ranch.....isn't really a ranch...not enough acres......and the cows weren't even his cows......this, from salon.com....We noted that "the presidential-getaway-as-ranch" construct has always been a way "to make a millionaire from Yale look like some kind of workaday cowpoke." The Times says that vacations in Crawford give Bush, "who was born in New Haven, Conn., and schooled at Yale and Harvard," a chance to "remind the nation that he's a Cowboy President."

But if part of being a cowboy involves having something to do with cows, the Times says the president is a few head short of a herd. "There are some guys that are all hat and no cattle," former Texas congressman Kent Hance tells the Times. "The president's not that way; he's hat and five cattle."

Even five may be a stretch. As the Times reports, Kenneth Engelbrecht kept a herd of about 200 cattle on a portion of the property he leased from the Bushes, but Engelbrecht and the Bushes parted ways recently, and Engelbrecht took his cattle with him. The White House is circumspect about how many cattle are in Crawford now. Deputy White House Press Secretary Dana Perino initially told the Times that the president still has "a few" cattle on the ranch. Pressed for details, she said there were "four or five."

ok, so dubya keeps 4-5 cows.....what....for target practice.....4-5 cows won't keep the press corps in burgers for the remainder of the term, and heck...isn't that the point.....to keep us all under the illusion that the c-student yalie is really a working kind of guy underneath his suits.....yeah, right.....4-5 cows.......so are they cows that the guy who was leasing property forgot to take with him.....or maybe madcow-underobservation cattle that the fda doesn't want us to know about.....or maybe iconiclastic elsiethecow models........scary, when one thinks about it.....a cowpoke president with no no cows......

tales of woe

ok, so the tales of woe are everywhere i turn these days...bidden or unbidden......stories of homesick college freshman......descriptions of just how pitiable co-workers children seemed as the parents drove away......or how distressed that the sunday school friend was when she drove her youngest child to school.....and just how many times a montessori friend of my middle child called home the first day (4).....and how her father cried on the way home when he heard her favorite song....i learned even as i walked into church yesterday how a sunday school aquaintance's child came home from u.k. three times the first week of school, and how he is home right now for the weekend, and talking about not going back......and all of these stories crowd into my consciousness......attempting to squeeze out the disbelief that we will soon drive our own child to school....impossible as he was just born yesterday...or so it seems if i close my eyes and focus......and the reality of just how far away he will be living for the foreseeable future.......with no set plans for coming home except for christmas break.....we were so spoiled with having the eldest just up the road......within an hour's drive if the need to assure ourselves that he was safe and sound became audible....like poe's beating heart.....a parent's worries take on a life of their own.....i wonder if any crafty person has attempted to paint or sculpt that wretched feeling of separation......or record it in so many soundbytes.......as for this countdown week....so many days, so many hours, so many sighs til we leave/arrive/driveaway......so many more stories ........

violets......

ok, so i have completely forgotten to mention the african violets that have rebloomed on my kitchen windowsill.......for the record, i purchased 3 violet plants, each with purple blooms, to grace the table at my birthday bookclub dinner......i planted them at the time in a yellow ceramic oblong sort of cachepot that looks vaguely french.......eventually i removed one to go into an individual pot that was part of a trio with a matching eaterhware tray.....again, faintly french in a yellow/green/rose quimperware sort of way.......but i digress.....the violets kept their blooms for an extraordinary length of time....and then......poof.....the blooms were gone.......the plants still loooked healthy and interesting with their fuzzy leaves......and lo.......they have rebloomed......amazing, giving my track record for indoor plants.......african violets were a passion for my grandmother in cleveland...she kept hers on glass shelves fitted into a northern window...behind sheer white curtains.......i do not know what the curtains had to do with it....but i do recall the we were to water these plants not from the top, but from the bottom...into the saucer under each pot rather than on top around the leaves......violets are such quaint flowers......sweet and cheerful........i suppose that i may have to actually care for them...say...with violet food...at some point........good answer for anyone who inquires what i do with my time now that my send child has moved out......i can tell them about my violets once i have exhausted the discussion on the youngest's antics........sounds almost old-lady-like.....to talk about one's violets..........tragic, should i ever get to the point where i could best be described as houseplant mamma rather than meanmamma.........

sheets......

ok, so the packing process has begun......with the downstairs guest bedroom as the staging area......a place to gather together everything that has been previously purchased for the backpacking trip or the dorm room.....an opportunity to make lists of what must be located prior to us driving off.....either thursday after work or really, really early on friday.....and there have been a few snags.....like the sheets i bought to go with the feather comforter my mother bought....i just cannot find them.....oh, i found one set of sheets......the flannel ones that i thought could be useful...for the really cold weather, and as a backup to the first set i had already purchased......except that i cannot locate said first set........and this has been quite vexing.....with so little time before we leave......i really don't want to go out and find another set, especially when we are down to our last child in a twin bed......we do have twin sheets on hand........for the youngest's bed......mostly floral and otherwise unsuitable-for-college prints......and i also cannot seem to find the sheets he used at governor's scholars last summer......where do these things go in a house with such limited storage space......it has occured to me that the sheets might be at my mom's...as in she grabbed one too many bags after shopping.....and never noticed even these many weeks later......this is possible, as my mom has, in fact, grabbed bags and when the item in question is missing, she comes up with the lost item....still in the shopping bag........my mom's housekeeping style is one of mass disarray........but i do go to some trouble to keep the chaos in my own home to a minimum.....and thus it is the more upsetting when a sweep of all closets/cubbyholes/shelves reaps no rewards.....and it is not really about the sheets..it is about the distressing reality that my memory is not what it was (sharp as a tack...)....and the fear that what it could be (a blank page) is never far from my wakeful thoughts......maybe the sheets are in the same spot as the book i couldn't find at christmas.....wouldn't that be a bonus...to find both.........

doubts....

ok, so it is my turn to teach sunday school tomorrow, and i am already having doubts.......the lesson is a familiar story....noah....and the ark....and the dove and the rainbow.....anf the promise never to destroy the earth again by flood......and i can not seem to get myself past the part where noah believes he and his family are the only humans left alive on the entire planet earth........and the two by two animals are the only living examples of their kinds......and i just don't buy it.......maybe the from the angle that the world as noah knew it was destroyed......and the earth as far as he could see was covered in water.......maybe......but everywhere.......mt everest.....? i think not.......and mt ararat.....the place where the ark supposedly ended up when the floods receded isn't much of a mihtain compared to the alps or the rockies.......i am reminded of an embarassing comment i made last year about this time...when we visited my spouse's eldest sister in upstate ny....and her family gathered....sons, daughters-in-law....children.....and i happened to pick up a board book to read to one of the smaller of the bunch.....and was startled to discover that the animals in this noah's ark book included a dinosaur.....and i commented aloud about the notion....and was told quietly that the eldest ( an engineer) and his spouse attend a church that holds to the premise that the bible is the literal truth......and that earth as we know it is less than 5000 years old.....and that means that the dinosaurs are not as old as advertised......such a continuum of understanding of the same passage.....i who sees it as a snapshot version of just what noah could see for himself.......and our kin who see the verses as....well....gospel.....and authentic down to the reality of an inbred band of noah's family multiplying after the waters receded......ok, so i through that last bit in.....but when you think about it........if genesis were utterly and completely true.....just who did cain and abel marry in order to propegate the land just outside the garden?.......lots of unaswered questions......and therefore....lots of room to have doubts...at least as i see things.......and so i will approach my lesson in the morning with more questions than i have answers........and if i am truly lucky...i won't be the only one who has doubts.......

actors

ok,so.....I have taken to borrowing vhs tapes from the library to watch whilst exercising......to no avail....these weeks of cycling 45-60 minutes daily......but I digress.....all of these tapes.....and so many actors who overlap....pride and prejudice, mansfield park. brother cadfael, rumpole, sherlock holmes, poirot,........all the dress up dramas...must be quite a british cadre of actors who lean toward the historical genre.......these actors must earn their keep....it is nevertheless amusing to watch them play their random parts....

forgotten blogs.....

ok, so the follwoing pieces were written on my handheld over the past few weeks......and i apologize upfront for the unfinished thoughts.....

Chips.....ok,so......this morning as I walked into the thursday-only health department .....there was a big bag of tortilla chips on the table propped up by a large jar of salsa....extra chunky.....the chips were unopened.....and as I was raised to wait until such treats were offered....I waited patiently for at least 45 minutes ......before I asked who had brought them.....and the requisite reply was heard....'oh, I forgot to open those up'.......enough of an invite for me......a have a weak spot for salty/crunchy.......and sour/salty/crunchy ........omg........salt and vinegar potato chips must be on the menu in heaven for the concept of an afterlife to be worthwhile ........even regular ruffles with good onion dip......oohh......or maybe homemade clam dip.......or guacomole.......ummmmm .... someone should invent a calorie-free salty/crunchy snack......maybe puffed ranch-flavor acorns or pickled onion-style toasted peapods.......maybe bbq babypinecones........omg.....as long as it is crunchy /salty ...

Brick .....ok,so I am working a health fair in the bank next door to the health dept....the background music has been
A curious mix of madonna, dave matthews......and ben folds singing brick....this song always makes me want to cry....the coldness of the day recalled, the purpose of the drive into town, the secrecy .....the finality.....the feelings of relief rather than remorse......

Ok, so I am working with a client on thursdays that shares my birthday .....or rsther...I was born on her birthday .....and for some reason I have withheld this information .......curiously.....and the longer I wait to bring it up.....I don't know why I didn't blurt it out the moment I met her......uncharacteristic of me to show any restraint......and she is a perfectly nice woman....doing well with her self-management .....walking and losing weight ....I am pleased with her progress.....hmmmmm

Ok,so.......it is pet peeves times.....for starts......there are flip flops......beachwear, trendy......but annoying in closed quarters, especially where sound reverberates.......clients in flip-flops cannot be avoided .....but co-workers ....that is something else altogether ......flipflops are not on most lists of approved office apparrel...for good reason.....things dropped on bare toes can raise liability issues......mean dietitians who step on said toes.....oooopps......didn't see ypu standing there......this has only happened in my mind.....mind you......but it could yet happen before too long.....ironically .......I hear the flipflops but fail to hear so many other office sounds.....sometimes the nurse next door plays enya.......always enya......and I only notice it now and again.......like I stop hearing it after I have identified the sound.......and I can also tune out screaming children......shots bring out the worst in the under-6 crowd........but those flipping flipflops ...........oy

ok, so i didn't share all of my unfinished blogs.....just the ones that i am unlikely to return to....for whatever reason.......i say this.....and sure shooting i will come back to any or all of the aforementioned thought processes......ah well........sometimes i wish that i could just leave my brain in park........

wasted worries.....

ok, so i will share one of my more wasted worries.......those especially vexing concerns that expand like too many pieces of bubble gum when chewed........this particular panic occured as we were driving to the princeton bbq.....i am in recently aquired goodwill treasures......with my usual purse left at home in favor of the sweet black tote with a lithograph panel of a french fruit and vegetable stand.....so unique and so adorable.....i thought when i bought it.....but as we got closer and closer to lexington it occured to me that my distinctive purse may be too....distinctive.....as in........what if the tasteful person who bought and discarded said purse showed up at this event.....omg.......highly unlikely, when one considers the population of lexington, and lack of proximity to the goodwill outlet and the location of the event......but.......these sort of realistic considerations rarely take the edge off the frets of a world-class worrier.......i had a reverse experience years ago....when i was interviewing prospective applicants for a kitchen job...way back when i ran the hospital dietary department.......and a girl came in wearing a skirt/top combo that i had made, and later donated to the salvation army when i grew tired of wearing it......it, too was distinctive.......the tea-dyed floral cotton, with a peasant-top with ties at the wrists instead of button cuffs.......i kept the provenance of the girl's outfit to myself....as to not embarass her.....it was no longer mine and it was nice to see somebody else getting use out of it.....but back to my original point about the current possession of somebody else's castoffs......it could still be uncomfortable and unsettling.....nothing of the kind happened.....which is the way of wasted worries.......and i am still enjoying the purse......though now my worries have morphed into new and improved frets.....best kept to myself until i can muster the courage to disclose them.......

rain

ok, so the rain came down in buckets about 6:00 am....with enough fanfare to rob me of my last bit of peaceful sleep......today's rain was pre-ordained.....as i am having guests for wine and savory treats......no real loss, as the weeks of convection-oven temperatures have baked most of my plants to a crisp.....not much to see in my yard so it is just as well that we will be in-doors......i had planned to tidy up last night after my eldest and his girlfriend left, but supper ran late......and the animated conversation that they were having with the middle child seemed too special to breakup with ocd cleaning.....and so i will pick-up the strewn newspapers, random pieces of clothing/shoes and flotsom that are typical of a house at the end of a work/school week after i finsih up work......i am so grateful for a job that ends early on fridays......those 2-3 bonus hours allow for grocery shopping and a jump on the laundry.....and often a nap if i plan well......and frankly....there is no better time for a nap than with the backdrop of a nice rain shower.......

1990

ok, so this afternoon, in the course of my day.....i happened to be working with a pregnant girl, her year old daughter......and her mother......who could have been my age.......and it was not until we got into the conversation about the spacing of her children did it occur to me to look at the pregnant woman's birthday.......1990.......and there was a moment of silence while i did the math.........did the math in my usual fashion...which is done by landmark years rather than simple subtraction.......let me explain my internal system........somebody born around 1974.....the year i graduated from high school.....i always think to myself....hmmm.....she could be my daughter...she must be in her early 30's.......and someone born around 1980......i think.....hmmmmm...she was born about the time i finished grad school.....she could be my daughter.....she must be in her late 20's.....and then we get to those born in 1984.....the age of my eldest.....and i think to myself......hmmm.....she could be my daughter.....she must be about 21........you get the picture about 1986...the year my middle child was born......but i have never seen a 1990 birthday printed on the chart of a pregnant female who already has a toddler until today........and i was horrified.....especially when i was filling in the preverbial growth chart, which has a space for height of mother and father........and when i asked the mamma how tall daddy is.....she answered.....i don't know........and i couldn't bring myself to ask........don't know the exact height.....or don't know.......you get the picture......and the horror doesn't end there........this threesome that i describe were well-dressed, well-shod.....well-groomed, and waspish...for lack of a better term........hardly a family expecting a 2nd bi-racial grandchild to a child who cannot yet drive......and i wanted to shake the 40-something grandma wearing sandals similar to a pair i have at home...and say.....are you the crazy kind of mother who told the nurse in the hospital that your daughter didn't need birth control because she wouldn't be having sex again.....not at.... 14 when she had the first......what was she thinking......the and the horror doesn't stop there........this 15 year old pregnant girl never actually touched her baby in my presence.....grandma was in complete control of this adorable child with dark curly locks and cafe au lait skin.......as if grandma was going to make it all better by doing it all....and all that her darling daughter had to do was to.....what?.......go and get herself pregnant again because she had nothing better to do with grandma doing all of the grunt work..........sorry for this emotional outburst....but i am unaccustomed to staring into the face of.....women who could be me......women who will not be me if i can corral my 12 year old long enough to get her out of high school........one last omg.....and to bed, perchance to dream about a better world.....where girls even thinking about having sex have free access to birth control..............

ok, so this picture was just to funny to passup......Bill Moyer, 73, wears a "Bullshit Protector" flap over his ear while President George W. Bush addresses the Veterans of Foreign Wars......at least not all of the veterans are pro-useless war....... 

wednesdays......

ok, so we are now, as a family, in the school calendar mode......which means that somebody has to drive the youngest to and from school.....and the week has been carved up as follows: mm-mondays, tuesdays, and thursdays.....md-wednesdays and fridays......and so this morning, i have less of a rush out the door because i do not have near as far or as furious to drive.......motoring one's child to school late will get her, and possibly you detention....but arriving a tad late to work .....say......5-6 minutes late.....nobody seems to notice nor care it would appear....unless a client is waiting impatiently......and so i awake on wednesdays and fridays with a palpable sense of calm and deliberate sloth......i will enjoy those extra minutes of leisure if it is the last thing i do.......and so this morning i lingered in the bed listening to npr coverage of dubya's continuing summer vacation....today he is at a spa in eye-de-ho.....presumably yale lacked a linguisitics course in his era......i am not alone in my remaining moments of reverie......the old dog follows closely every time i get up to get more coffee....expectantly...as if he is also adhering to some schedule of his own......wednesday...6:50-7:15 am.....follow mm whenever she gets up to get coffee...

almost thirteen year olds.......

ok, so i had a momentary freudian slip this afternoon....as i was transitioning from work to picking up the youngest to prepping dinner to exercising........i ran upstairs to quick change into yesterday's workout garb....one more use before washing........and i found myself sitting on the bed...starting to put on my pajamas.......rather than the shorts and top........wow.......is that telling or what.....my subconscious knew that my brain needed to rest, despite my desire for the rest of the body to tone up a tad........and so i defied my better judgement and cycled for the next hour while the supper heated slowly in the oven......at some point the youngest asked about riding her bike....and/or calling lenatheneighborgirl/or going up to help grandma......and as i was working out....i told her to please water the flower beds before she did anything else.....fast forward to my going outside to check in the garage to see if the middle child was home from the library....and noticing that the flower beds showed only the faintest signs of random squirts of water.......none of the youngest's signature hosethebedtiltheplantsdroopwhilstistandstilllikebuddha.........nope.....she gets little notice, watering our yard......better use of her time to water grandma's flowers.....as she will get the full notice of the neighbor girl if and when she gets home.......and then she can just drop the hose where it lays....and head off to play......leaving the hose on and the job undone.......so..........the meanmenopausalmamma stormed back into the house to confront the slacking adolescent.....who seemed completely surprised that a few drips here and there would not suffice to keep our plants alive through the continuing heatwave.......and then the urge to mouth off got the best of her......'and they are not my plants, anyway'.......omg....this is the child who insists in volunteering at the humane society on saturdays.......to help those poor animals that belong to no one.......and yet watering plants in her own yard is a tremendous imposition/injustice/inhumanerequest.......at one point if i had a stone i'd have thrown it.....directly and utterly on target......which brings me to the book i am savoring of late......anne lamott....plan b.......she has a child of similar age.....and when she asked a jesuit friend about wwjd.....he replied....in bibical times, they used to stone a few thirteen year olds with some regularlity, which helped keep the others quiet and at home..the mothers were usually in the front row of stone throwers, and had to be restrained......later it occured to anne lamott that mary must have suffered great worry when jesus couldn;t be found for three days...only to be found in the temple....mouthing off about doing his father's work......and not to worry because he really wasn't their son......and what was mary doing while everybody searched for jesus......she was piling up the rocks.......gentle readers......i found this piece curiously comforting.......as if my urge to up and slap this backtalking wretch has ancient roots......and that i am certainly not alone in my exasperation over the child not yet grown up and no longer a child.......to date i have done little more than to swat her bottom when she walked deliberately in front of an oncoming car.......i have shown great restraint....just like mary showed restraint all those years ago......the wristbands should really have said....wsmhd.....what should mary have done.....a nice little iconoclastic pile of rocks on the bracelet could have spoken volumes........sounds like a nice little menopausalmothersof13yearoldssupportgroupfundraisingproject to me.........

princeton bbq

ok,so.....I have lived through this event.......which was not the event I feared it would be......I will admit to major midwestern neurotic phobias about ivy league events......but I was put at immediate ease by the hostess who has three mature buckeye trees in the backyard....and whose mother hails from a town in ohio 17 miles from where I grew up....there were a few alums/recent grads either in med school or law school.....and a few rising sophomores.....but mostly it was the families of the three 'area' freshman class of 2009....except for betty because the hostess couldn't get ahold of her.....I spent most of my time lending moral support to the mother of the boy from pineville,ky.....think mountains........she hasn't been able to visit Princeton....and was very concerned about details.....and so I transitioned from insecurity over my lowly nonivy status.....to a wealth of knowledge to a mother in need....I felt downright useful...maybe not as helpful as I can be to someone traveling to paris for the first time...but close ......I volunteered to bring her boy as far as danville at christmas break.....she was almost tearful....of course...I must assume that any and all of these students i meet are future nobel laureates....including my own child....and certainly worth the trouble .....but back to those buckeye trees.....I was so tempted to take a seed pod or two.....one doesn't see buckeye trees often....and I really want to grow one in own yard.....

anne lamott

ok, so i have been reading a book of essays written by a radical menopausal progressive christian feminist......the book is called plan b:further thoughts on faith.......let me...let you....read the 1st paragragh......on my 49th brithday, i decided that all life was hopeless, and i would eat myself to death. these are desert days. better to go out by our own hands than to endure slow death by scolding at the hands of the bush adminstration....however, after a second cup of coffee i realized that i couldn't kill myself that morning, not because it was my birthday, but because i'd promised to get arrested the next day. i had been arrested three weeks earlier with an ecumenical bunch of religious peaceniks, people who still believe in dr, king, and ghandi...also, my back was out.....i didn't want to die in crone mode...plus, there was no food in the house...so i took a long, hot shower instead.....and began another day of being gloated to death......ms lamott, i determined.....was known to me long ago through the web site called mothers who think.....which morphed into......salon.com.......to say she is christian is too limiting.....i see her as a nice blend of the entire middle eastern gene pool that goes back through abraham......with a bit of zen thrown in for good measure.......the piece she wrote about the death of her dog sadie had me sobbing in the bathtub.......to the point that i had to get up and find a towel to wipe my face so that i could finish the story...let along complete the bath.........and her take on menopause......well.......i can understand completly the bit about crone mode..........amazing how the men in my life still choose to live here.........reading her thoughts makes me feel so gullty that i didn't drive on down to crawford, texas in hopes of getting arrested for a good cause.........i believe that that is my calling, by the way......to feel so passionately about a cause that i would risk my permanent record.......currently clouded by that pesky dog-at-large business.......somebody has to step forward......and someday it will be me.......i am just not certain about which day will be my day.........one of these days.....

ok, so if ever i was to take a cruise.....it would have to be on a boat with sails and several masts.......one that really sailed.......the only time i have ever sailed was with my parents friends the immelts....and i can recall that i didn't duck in time for some big piece of wood coming around...and it knocked me over.......i am sure that the immelts still sail....they all moved back to martha's vineyard....where their kin owned a large tract of land that was once a methodist camp of some sort......who says that the clergy live lives of poverty....... 

bring out your dead

ok,so monty python has been on my mind as I clean out the flower beds.....such a mass of spent plant remnants ....stalks,withered leaves....I spread seed pods but mostly it is hot grunt work.....I do take a moment now and again to plan next years show.....that is one of the only pleasures of such work....

shot from a cannon?

ok, so hunter s. thompson's remains are to be shot from a cannon....as he requested, thanks to a generous donation by johnny depp of all people.......kentucky connection i suppose......as for me.....the thought of my ashes being flung into the stratosphere sounds like such a waste of organic material.......i suppose i would much rather my ashes be used as a bit of extra fertilizer for a nice japanese maple......or a buckeye tree......or maybe a heritage tree like the american chestnut.......i mention my ashes because i have desire for a casket lined with pink padded satin.......that ought to look nasty after a month or two.....and for the expense of it my remaining family could have staged a proper wake......with better-than-box wine, some nice cheeses.....an olive assortment.....i would really hate to miss that but, when one is already dead.......the menu is of little importance......i would also ask that when any of my favorite folks find themselves in paris.....do raise a glass.......that would really say farewell better than most gestures.......but to be shot from a cannon....omg.......

exercise tapes......

ok, so i have exhausted our cache of vhs tapes......and have taken to borrowing from the library.....the exercycle is in a spare room that has a vhs/tv combo.....and i have not the stomach to watch again the non-disney tapes we own........at least for the time being.....and so this afternoon i watched a brother cadfael tape.....and a hercule poirot tape......and i am waiting til tomorrow to watch the man in the iron mask....i watched just enough to remember that leonardo dicaprio is a lightweight sort of hollywood creature.......and that jeremy irons is too talented to be in this picture.......but i digress......now that i have discovered that i can ride the exercycle and watch movies and do videogames on my handheld......i am in heaven....three things at once is just what i needed to avoid utter and absolute boredom.......i suppose this is the elephant in the corner with my new job....not enough going on ay once......i can live with it as long as i have a threesome to come home to....exercise/videos/and games.......life is good...........

thou shalt not covet.......

ok, so it is my job to feed the cat and the small dog every morning whilst the coffee is brewing and they are collectively whining their pleas for sustanence......it is a chore that requires tact and scheming.......as each wants what the other has........no biggie for the dog to eat the cat's food, but the dog's food is too big for the cat's teeth........this doesn't appear to deter her from nosing in......which in turn causes the dog to saunter over to her food dish......it is so silly...having to herd two pets toward their own feed.......and mayhem can be tracked back to covetedness......the incurable dissatisfaction over what one has the the desire for what somebody else has/anybody else has......even to something as yucky as dry dog food mixed with canned dog food......

the goddesses......

ok, so i forgot to mention that this blog has been linked to a goddess site......www.whatshesaid.the-goddess.org/........i have read a few links...i like
bohemian mama:the point of revolution is to get away with it..........i could not have said it better myself........

satisfaction.......

ok, so i have enjoyed immensely the interviews and hoopla surrounding the newest rolling stones tour......read sarcasm into every word of this piece.....as i have never been a fan.......a few songs here and there.......i am still trying to find lyrics to a song i heard on some guy's 8-track in high school.......maybe on the sticky fingers album but who knows at this point.....i shouldn't say some guy....as i was completely enamored.......but it passed.......and my only other touch of the stones was the recollection that it was a stones song that was played for my upwardly mobile cousin becky at her wedding at the Audubon mansion in d.c. for her 'first dance'......can't quite recall which one other than it seemed a strange choice at the time.......and so these guys are going out on tour yet again...to support their upteenth album....supposedly orginal songs this time out rather than remixes/rehashes.......fenway park in boston is one of the first up.......maybe steven king will show up...just out of habit.......

kath

ok, so there was a message on our machine when i got home from work....for kath.......and the sound of that bastardization of my name grated my senses.....i answer to many things......obviously kathy, kathlyn if pronounced with the emphasis on the second syllable......to kate if you knew me from 1975-1978....and to k. if you knew me in the kitchen working with g......but never kath......it sounds so......brutal....like it is short for catheter....or catholic......or cathedral....omg.......the name thing is one of those sticklers with me......i have never in 24 years of marriage let anyone get by with referring to me as mrs. w............and the only person who could get by with calling me kathy c was a fine gentleman in my church who is now deceased........he seemed to sense that that was my truer self......and he always called me that, knowing full well that there was more to it........he also referred to my spouse as ernest....but it is not my job to correct the mispronunciations of my spouse.......my children....yeseree.......i will correct the andy's and steve's in a heartbeat.....and our daughter.....omg...so many variations......most sound like calley (as if it rhymes with valley)......rather than cayle....rhymes with haley as in the comet.......ah well......if only a person could have a name like tom smith.....cut and dried.....no chance for mistakes.......or jane doe.......well......there are far too many jane does....but i digress........i did return the call....and got an answering machine.....i was careful to annunciate clearly........

more on the belated dream....

ok, so i dreamt (is that a word?)again last night a variation on the dream i related a few days ago (see blog belated dream).....the particulars were the same......i drove many miles to take a friend of a child to a clinic.....in this variation we were heckled by protesters......and i crossed the street to verbally accost a guy with a sign.......i can clearly recall quoting the scripture about the person without sin casting the first stone........so why am i on this train of thought........or stream of dream..........truly it is not because i stay up nights worrying that the friends of my children are having sex......i would be quite surprised to find out that they are not.....maybe the heart of the matter is the fear that they may be having unprotected sex......and that is risky business these days.......aids, std's, pregnancy.....maybe my place of employment should stock condoms in our mailbox for afterhour emergencies....just so that i can get some rest.......

more on cindy sheehan...

ok, so this was on salon.com over my lunch hour....

Camp Casey gets a home
Some of George W. Bush's Crawford, Texas, neighbors asked local county commissioners to force Cindy Sheehan and her supporters to move farther away from the president's property Tuesday, but another neighbor is making the opposite happen. Fred Mattlage, a veteran of the U.S. Army who opposes the war in Iraq, has offered Sheehan the use of his land about a mile from Bush's Prairie Chapel Ranch.

"I just think people should have a right to protest without being harassed," Mattlage told the Associated Press. "And I'm against the war. I don't think it's a war we need to be in."

Camp Casey will begin to make the move the move today. As the AP reports, Sheehan's new host is a distant cousin of Larry Mattlage, the Crawford man who fired a shotgun in the air while Sheehan and her supporters were conducting a prayer service over the weekend.

Meanwhile, police have filed a criminal charge against the the man who allegedly expressed his displeasure with Sheehan's protest by driving his pickup truck through rows of crosses bearing the names of soldiers killed in Iraq. Larry Northern, a 59-year-old resident of Waco, Texas, was charged with felony criminal mischief. Police say he ran over 500 crosses and 40 American flags to make his point.

msl.......

ok, so yesterday at work, someone had the newest martha stewart living......which included a piece on the restored shaker village down the road......the shakers were a sect that believed that the world would end any day.....so they kept men and women apart and forbade actual birth in favor of the collective group adopting stray children...their style was one of simplicity with no concern for comfort.......curiously, this was the same theme of the cover-featured apartment....elegant without any concern for comfort......there didn't seem to be a place to sit down and relax in the 900 square foot high-rent apartment despite the obviously obsene money spent on the interiors....the settee was of the wooden frame/minimal padding sort......the kind of piece that one might have in a hall to use while taking off boots.....not the sort of sitable furniture that one would want to curl up on before a sweet fireplace....the chairs across looked to be the kind more suited to a dining table rather than an inviting entertaining/living area.....remember...thsi was a 900 square foot apartment.....so there was a living/dining room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and bedroom with a tiny study off of it......even the bedroom looked less than inviting....with yet another wooden chair rather than a well-upolstered club chair with a hassock.......and though the decor was such that thomas jefferson could have just left the building......i am certain that the only cushy, comfortable place to be the in the whole set-up was the actual bed........and since the headboard was.......wooden rather than padded.......the guy doesn't have enough pillows to really prop up nicely, assuming there is a hidden tlevision to watch whilst in bed.....and certainly no bedside table to hold even the occassional glass of wine or bottle of beer........oy.......and so this home may be best suited to someone who is never home.....not much of a place to come home to...at the end of a rough day......granted, martha's crew only wrote about it, and photographed it......they didn't design it.....the owner did that himself........a new form of masochism?.......perhaps martha was drawn to the austerity......fresh from prison......and undeserving of creature comforts just yet......

bon anniversaire......

ok, so today marked a full year since i started my new job/lowstresslife......wow......hard to believe that i am another year older let alone gainfully employeed again for that number of paychecks........if anything my hair is darker rather than greyer...hardly....i thought about the year gone by as i listened to a mother about my age sob about how her 15 year old is starving herself to death.....and begged me to help her to find a good counselor.....and when i gave the name of the best the region has to offer......the woman sat up soberly and inquired....but is she a christian?......as if no help was better than an agnostic......or an atheist....or a muslim....or a hindu...even freud was jewish and he managed to revolutionize therapy (for better or for worse....) ...what about a christmas/easter version of churchmember.......is there a database for that subsection?........i was almost speechless.....almost........and so it goes...in the world of public health...some days i feel righteously qualified to handle the needs of all comers......and other days i am flabbergasted at the state of the area's poor health......rotting teeth, obesity, dirty faces/hands/shoeless feet..unknown birth fathers.......the bottom line......i believe that i am hwere i am supposed to be at this very moment.....and that is just fine for me..........

combined family weight......

ok, so today i contemplated a new health care descriptive.....combined family weight....cfw for short......this morning i chanced to work with a family that i estimate to have a cfw of 750 pounds.....between papa, mamma, and baby aged 1 year....suffice it to say that baby can neither crawl let alone walk at 1 year...given the extra poundage......and as a nutrition professional i had a difficult time deciding just where to start.......luckily......every issue i brought up....volume of milk, juice, etc......the baby's doctor had already addressed it correctly, so i could jusr nod and give confirming remarks about how 1 year old's really only need 3 cups of milk, not 10......omg.......at one point the baby was sliding off of mamma's lap.....and she couldn't contain him.......and she was shreiking for papa to grab him......but heavy baby's slide faster than heavy parents can rush in to grab......omg......and then to find out that these folks smoke......omg.......this poor child is also subject to secondhand smoke............again......i was fortunate to be parroting the doctor when i mentioned ear infections, risk of asthma......omg.......i felt so very thin after they left my office.................

for better or for worse.....

ok, so now that cindy sheehan's protest has become headline news, the right-eous media have gone out of their way to belittle and expose this valiant woman........and now her own spouse of 28 years has publically filed for divorce.......what a guy......presumably he is either not as shaken up about the waste of his own child's life in iraq.......or he is so brainwashed by presdient bush's spin that he has forsaken his wife........or maybe he always was an s.o.b......in which case she is better off without him.......if he were any sort of a spouse he would have been out there with her........

to tan or not to tan....

ok, so the mm will confess that she spent ample time in her youth getting a tan.......i still value a tan, though my desire for one is periodic at best.......and now that a tan can be bought in a bottle......i can divert my energy toward the greater good rather than on golden skin....despite the lack of uv rays, i still get the feeling of relief and release when the bottled stuff works out well...i can understand the addiction thing..........the following article is from ....

By Roni Rabin
Tribune Newspapers: Newsday
Published August 16, 2005

Sun worshipers often joke that they're junkies when it comes to catching rays, but a new study suggests there may really be something addictive about tanning.

The study's Texas-based researchers asked 145 randomly selected beachgoers at Galveston Island to answer questions adapted from two surveys typically used to screen for alcohol and substance dependence.

The surveys included such questions as, "Do you try to cut down on the time you spend in the sun, but find yourself still suntanning?" and "Have you ever missed any scheduled activity because you decided to go to the beach or tan?"

Depending on which of the two survey tools was used, between 26 percent and 53 percent of the beachgoers met the criteria for a substance-related disorder, albeit with regard to ultraviolet light and tanning, the authors found.

"Most of the people on the beach know that sunlight causes skin cancer--just like smokers know smoking causes lung disease and lung cancer. But they just can't stop," said senior author Dr. Richard Wagner, professor of dermatology at University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston.

Those who had a sun habit said they craved the sun, sometimes thinking of suntanning first thing in the morning.

"It's taking over their life," Wagner said. "It's not that normal to be thinking about it first thing in the morning, or to be falling asleep at night thinking `I can't wait to wake up and get a tan.'"

One of the surveys was used to screen for abuse or dependence, and the other was the American Psychiatric Association's criteria for substance-related disorders. Both had been modified for ultraviolet light tanning rather than drugs or alcohol.

One explanation for sunbathing's addictive properties may be found in earlier reports that sun exposure can generate endogenous endorphins, or "feel-good" substances, in the skin, Wagner said. He said studies on this have been contradictory, but suggested individuals may vary in their responsiveness or even production of endorphins.

Dr. Leslie Christenson, author of a recent study that found a dramatic increase of non-melanoma skin cancer among people younger than 40, said she found the paper on substance-disorders intriguing, but that more work would need to be done. "Previous studies have shown the kind of stress relief people get from this kind of sun exposure," she said.

But she added that one of the most powerful motivations behind tanning is the widespread notion that a tan is "a sign of health and beauty. That is such a powerful thing," she said.

- - -

Tanning surveys

Survey 1 examples

Two or more "yes"answers were considered evidence of dependence:

1. Do you try to cut down on the time you spend in the sun, but find yourself still tanning?

2. Do you ever get annoyed when people tell you not to tan?

3. Do you ever feel guilty that you are in the sun too much?

4. When you wake up in the morning, do you want to tan?

Survey 2 examples

Three or more "yes" answers were considered evidence of a disorder:

1. Do you think you need to spend more and more time in the sun to maintain your perfect tan?

2. Do you continue tanning so your tan will not fade?

3. When you go to the beach, do you usually spend more time in the sun than you had planned?

4. Do you try other non-sun-related activities, but find you really still like spending time in the sun best of all?

5. Have you ever missed any scheduled activity because you decided to go to the beach or tan?

--Newsday

belated dream

ok, so i dreamed this dream a few days back.......and i was hesitant to mention it...but it clings to my daytime thoughts....and blogging about it may be the only way to free myself from it.....in the dream, i received a phone call...long distance....from a friend of a child....from somebody who needed support and comfort as she made an appointment to the kind of clinic where right-wingers picket on a daily basis.....and in my dream i got right in my car and traveled many miles to give tea and sympathy......this was no stranger.....but these particulars are not the kind of details one mentions publically or privately for fear of tempting fate........curious to dream this dream.....curious to hold onto this dream......a dream that is far from optimistic......though from another viewing point.....it may be hopeful after all.......i could take it as an affirmation.....that someone who may or may not read this blog trusted me enough to call for aid in her darkest hour........and that i would drop everything to be is also hopeful....that i may not really be as mean as advertised.........

closer to fine........

ok, so if disc 6 is playing when i go to work, then this is the song i hear about the time i turn off the highway.......a good driving song, a good endoftheday song.........a good mondayafternoonbuyingthewronggoingtocollegestuff song.........

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

and while i am not sure which indigo girl sings which part of the harmony......the blending of their voices is uplifting.......

wet grass......

ok so the grass between the walk and the mailbox was wet as i stepped briskly through to grab the morning newspaper......actually wet grass above what appeared to be soaked ground......the driveway had not yet dried completely......such a hopeful sight after weeks of drought/oppressive temperatures.......i will not have to water this morning.......but i will check on my key plants when i get home from work just to be on the safe side.......last night it was beginning to storm again as i dozed off......after i reset the clock alarm from the first storm that briefly knocked out power.......resetting clocks is like resetting a vcr.......necessary but annoying.......this particular clock is so sensitive that it can jump by 2-3 hours when the hour button is clicked too abruptly.......oy......but this morning, npr news began at exactly 6:30 am...right on cue.......so no harm done by the loss of power......i recall dreaming about getting my middle child off to college......lots of worries about towels and phones and blankets......and stuff for the backpacking trip.......when one worries in dreams it is such a waste of good dreaming time.....must make sure that these things are taken care of pronto so i can go back to my lowstress dream-versions of nonsequetor events and symbols........

the pillars of the earth

ok, so i have spent the past 48 hours doing little else but reading this book.........in the spirit of harry potter's latest installment.......and i am emotionally exhausted...........harry never included such intrigue, violence, injustice, drama, and hypocracy.......and to have all the loose ends drawn up neatly by page.......973.......oy.......i have referred to the many cathedrals i have briefly visited over these many years as i read about the building of the mythical cathedral in the novel........i imagined it like salibury........thrusting out of the plain....or york minster....glorious on a sunny day.......or cologne...imposing on a major river's bank........or strasbourg......imposing despite the closeness of the ancient city dwellings.......and there is ulm with its steeple and carved choir......and chartre.......i have been bleesed to take twice the tour of the famed curate......st. paul's.....notable because we hadn't intended to go up to the top, but the middle child ran on up ahead....and one of us had to go up to make sure that he came down.....omg..........next to these, nore dame somehow pales, i believe, as does westminster....an abbey rather than a cathedral.......mincing words. to be sure......about just where a bishop could preside over services.....but i digress from the novel.....due a sequal in 2007......about the time that harry's final installment should be written, published and released.................

shame on my wanton selfish gladness.......

ok, so today we sang a hymn that included those lyrics........and it was all i could do to keep my laughter surpressed........what a line........especially considering that i had snickered to myself over the minister of music's reprise of elton-john sings cantor with new-age christian praise verses at the piano with a special mike-hooked up tot record every lilting note....he even played during ther prayers.......do i sound cynical or what?........we were treated to not one but three different numbers accompanied by a thinly voiced intern and a church member-who-wants-to-be-a-pastor on bass guitar........omg......literally......and so i mocked it all in my head...only for these lyrics to leap up at the page.......so wanton....to mock the music in church....and oh so selfish.........these days i find spiritual moments in places far from the walls of established religion.......and i can see the day when i shall cease to attend 10:45 services.....on my own volition.......should bongos or some such be added to the thin voice, elton, and the bass guitar.....i might just have to get up and walk out.......it would be just too much........on the other hand.....there has been a talented soprano sitting either behind us, beside us, or in front of us for the past several weeks........she is marvelous.......curiously so for someone who sits in the congregation rather than singing in the choir.....she did sing a duet a few weeks back....that josh groban song...along with elton-wannabe music director........she could really belt that song out.......one wonders what she does during her week......whether she is involved at all in music professionally.......i am blessed to be able to listen to her sing mainline hymns for as long as she graces us with her presence..........

book club books......

ok, so i am plowing through the book club picks......finished the perfect mile yesterday....a quick pageturner, which is surprising for a work of non-fiction....especially one in which one already knows many of the particulars in advance.......like the fact that roger bannister was the first to break the 4.0 minute mile........and i have moved on to ken follett's historical thriller......the pillars of the earth....i must admit that this book reminds me of others set in the same time period (1135, during the english civil war between those who backed empress maud and those who backed king stephen)....the 20-volume brother cadfael series written by ellis peters......and acted out by derek jacobi for british television.......in fact, many of the intrigues from the cadfael series are blended together in this 1000 page novel.......only with a lot more sex and violence than ellis peters ever owned up to.......curiously, the two fellows who suggested this book...for november.....want to do it as a costume event.......with readers dressing up as their favorite character......12th century garb........omg........surely they are joking.......so far these have been good selections.......and i have not had the urge to put either of them down.....in the way that i put down so many books this year......a memory of running....the kite runner.....a long way down.....they are still here...waiting for me to put aside my ambivalence......so many books.....so little time.....

back in the u.s. of a.........

ok, so last night our eldest called....fresh off the plane from dublin....in charlotte, north caroline......to tell us that he is ok and oh-so-tired......and so glad to be coming home........a welcome 2 minute conversation.......and yet another reminder that this child is grown up to the point that he neither needed us to get to the airport, or to pick him up when the charlotte to lexington leg is over.......and we have no idea when we will actually see him....this week.....next week.......i understand completely that this is the way things are when one's children grow up and move away.......but i didn't know until now just how much i wouldn't like the reality of the emptying nest.......

details......

ok, so last night.....in my dreams there was a vivid scene in which i am riding in the back of a van.....talking with my eldest child just returned from ireland (note....his plane has yet to touch down in charlotte, nc......but in my dreams he was already here at home....)....and in the middle of the van was my middle child....and driving was my dad........impossible as he is long deceased...but he was driving....and my mom was riding shotgun........and i can recall asking him to pull over so i could drive.....noting that we were already lost....looking for interstate 77.....a road nowhere near here.......and as i got out of the van there was an eagle....sitting by the side of the road.....yet looking into the ditch rather than onto the pavement.....and my middle child asked why the eagle was pointed the wrong way.......these details are certainly what prompts my brain to recall this and other similarly enhanced dreams.........and it is the details that prompted me to read the perfect mile...the september book club volume in the space of 4 days.........when one knows ahead the roger bannister breaks the 4.0 minute mile mark.......the buildup to the moment must be filled in with something.....and it is these details that fascinated my waking moments......for example.......those who watched bannister's record-breaking mile on television did so because they had purchased sets in order to watch queen elizabeth's coronation the year before........and landy.....the australian who wanted to reach the 4.0 minute mile first discarded his original coach because of his wild notions about training........landy learned more from a slavic runner at the 1952 helsinki olympics in the afternoon following a viewing of the bolshoi ballet than he did from all his years with the coach that taught him that warmups weren't necessary.......ie.......if his cat could run without a warmup when he was doused by surprise with a bucket of water....then nobody else needed a warmup, either..........and the guy from kansas.....wes santee........who fled his oppressive father one afternoon by riding away on the horse that had never been ridden before because it was the only mount that his father would let him take when he left home......to college on scholarship....to break the american mile record while at kansas.....his parents came neither to track meets or to his wedding..........the details about roger bannister are the most intriguing......a fellow who ran at night after his medical studies........he was a medical resident when he broke the 4-minute mile.....and had to do rounds before and after track events........i have an affinity for details aka trivia.....and this book reminded me of others that focused on a seminal event through a buildup of details....like seabiscuit.....and chariots of fire.........i finished the book this afternoon while my pear/blueberry/lemon jam was simmering........the pears were easier to deal with this week......... a detail to be recalled years from now if ever i do anything noteworthy....................

cries and caterwalls..........

ok, so this morning, like every morning these days, my sleepy reverie was broken by the loud and desparate cries....of my aging wire-haired terrier.......who has taken to laying(?lying) on the landing of the upstairs steps at the crack of dawn.......where he cries like a baby with either loneliness, bladder bloating, hunger or all of the above......and when i drag my sorry self out of the bed, and head down the steps toward the coffeemaker....first things first........he trots along like a pleased pup......and follows me out the front door toward the mailbox.......even in the era of internet news i still feel compelled to read the local papers everyday....but he gets distracted on occassion......and forgets to follow me back to the house.......and many mornings i hear him crying/howling/whimpering on the front porch......and then by the back deck......and then back to the front porch......until someone lets him in.......all the while the cat has leaped into her own action......that of playing the role of starving, pitiable feline....an oscar-quality performance if ever i have seen one.......she carries on with her own version of a classic caterwall until such time as my coffee cream is poured out into her bowl, or i have mixed her dry food with tinned kitty treats.......just having dry cat food in her bowl is no longer up to her standards.....the dog will nose into her bowl unless a similar concoction is prepared for him....and placed far enough from her dish that he forgets that she is there for a moment....... between the dogs cries and the cats wailing........my mornings are no longer the peaceful transitions that should be the reality for the mother of 3 nearly grown children.......how did i ever manage when i had real toddlers to care for.......?

more on garrison keillor

ok, so the radio station at university of kentucky has already reversed its decision.....and will again air writer's almanac, but in a later time slot.......apparantly thare was a massive phone and email outcry.....the best quotation from the editorial page in the newspaper said something about when the collective we find garrison offensive whilst desparate housewives continues freely on the air....then we have gone too far.......the liberal lexington herald blamed fear of bush administration/republican backlash for such a foolish reaction to the word breast uttered on air.......

easy bake oven......

ok, so i just came in from closing the garage doors.......have to keep out the bat that has been hanging out during the day in the rafters.......the summer evening air is so far from cool as to be beastly.....not hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk....but warm enough to dehydrate........should i take the time to snip what chives remain in the herb bed......they could be considered dried herbs rather than fresh.......what an offensive turn the weather has taken......this evening i took the time to water the trees that seem to be stressed........especially the sweetgum tree that my dad planted the day we moved here......and the oak-leaf hydrangias....and the japanese maple.....and the redbuds.......each and every plant seems on the verge........a watering forgotten could mean certain doom.......i have no earthly idea how we survived all of those years (the 80's and the 90's) without whole house airconditioning......we did have an attic fan......which helped on days with temperatures below 95 or so.....but with heat indexes above 100 degrees......oy........it is such a luxury to have a cool place to sleep........maybe we shoud let the big dog sleep inside tonight......it is just as hard on him in this heat as it is when temperatures dip below zero.........

baby shower.....

ok, so today at lunch a baby shower was held for the r.n./health educator that i work with.......her second......and the event was potluck.......potluck snacks rather than actual sustenance.....and the array is worth a mention in this venue.....if for no other reason than to describe the pinwheels made with cream cheese, dill pickles and bologna......or the green pea/green pepper & onion relish that seemed to want something to go with it....but nothing came to mind........and then there was the potato peanut butter fudge that i could not bring myself to try despite the ooohhhs and aaaahhhs.......i brought benedectine spread with water crackers.......i have a real fondness for cucumber concoctions......and thankfully few others feel the same...i brought most of it back home........what struck me most about this occassion is that most of the gifts looked alike.....as most of my coworkers shopped at the local walmart.......and though these gifts were sweet and servicable.......i felt a pang of sadness for a child brought into this world to know only clothing bought from a single massmarketplace.......and look like all the other babies/toddlers/preteens.......

girl crushes

ok, so this article is from the nytimes .......

By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM
Published: August 11, 2005

THE woman's long black hair whipped across her pale face as she danced to punk rock at the bar. She seemed to be the life of the party. Little did she know that she was igniting a girl crush. Susan Buice was watching, and she was smitten.

Ms. Buice, 26, and the dancer (actually a clothing designer) happen to live in the same Brooklyn apartment building, so Ms. Buice, a filmmaker, was later able to soak up many other aspects of her neighbor's gritty yet feminine style: her layered gold necklaces; her fitted jackets; her dark, oversize sunglasses; and her Christian Dior perfume.

"I'm immediately nervous around her," Ms Buice said. "I stammer around her, and it's definitely because I think she's supercool."

Ms. Buice, who lives with her boyfriend, calls her attraction a girl crush, a phrase that many women in their 20's and 30's use in conversation, post on blogs and read in magazines. It refers to that fervent infatuation that one heterosexual woman develops for another woman who may seem impossibly sophisticated, gifted, beautiful or accomplished. And while a girl crush is, by its informal definition, not sexual in nature, the feelings that it triggers - excitement, nervousness, a sense of novelty - are very much like those that accompany a new romance.

This is not a new phenomenon. Women, especially young women, have always had such feelings of adoration for each other. Social scientists suspect such emotions are part of women's nature, feelings that evolution may have favored because they helped women bond with one another and work cooperatively. What's new is the current generation's willingness to express their ardor frankly.

"Historically, talking about these kinds of feelings has gone in and out of fashion," said Paula J. Caplan, a sociologist who this fall will teach a course about the psychology of sex and gender at Harvard. Women have not been this blunt in expressing their crushes for several generations, Dr. Caplan said.

The phenomenon has been little studied, but some social scientists say they are glad that it is being discussed more, because it can be a window into how women mature emotionally.

"It's a little bit like when you're in elementary school and you first fall in love with someone," said Leslie Hunt, 34, who manages an arts internship program in New York and who once had such a potent crush on woman that she became sweaty in her presence.

Still, a crush is a relatively mild form of infatuation. People have killed themselves over true love, said Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University who has written extensively on human love. Think of Romeo and Juliet. With a girl crush, Dr. Fisher said, "you won't kill yourself if she doesn't want to jump rope with you." For that reason, girl crushes can give women safe and valuable experience in the emotions of love.

Dr. Fisher, the author of "Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love," said girl crushes are as natural as any other kind of love. But they are romantic without being sexual. Love and lust are distinct urges, Dr. Fisher said.

This was one of the findings she and colleagues from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and the State University at Stony Brook made when they analyzed brain scans of people 18- to 26-years-old who were experiencing new love. Love and lust, it turned out, could be mapped to several separate parts of the brain.

"The brain system for romantic love is associated with intense energy, focused energy, obsessive things - a host of characteristics that you can feel not just toward a mating sweetheart," Dr. Fisher said, adding that "there's every reason to think that girls can fall in love with other girls without feeling sexual towards them, without the intention to marry them."

Wendy Lim, 26, a student at Harvard Business School, experienced such feelings about a year ago when she met another young woman in a Boston bar. The woman was open and outgoing, and when the evening was over, Ms. Lim very much wanted to talk to her again. "I remember at the end of the night wanting her phone number," Ms. Lim said, who felt awkward about asking. "I wouldn't ask a guy for his number."

As it turned out, the woman asked Ms. Lim for her number. The two saw each other again, and Ms. Lim's crush quickly blossomed into friendship, a friendship the women now cherish.

Crushes are typically fleeting, and infatuation often turns to friendship in this way. Lisa Lerer, a journalist, and Laila Hlass, a law student, both 25 and both of New York, started their friendship several years ago with a mutual crush. "We're still in love," Ms. Lerer said, "but the wooing period is over."

Tammea Tyler, 28, assistant director of child development services at the Y.M.C.A. of Greater New York, has a crush that looks as if it soon will make the change. The object of her infatuation is a colleague, Denise Zimmer, senior executive for government operation, who is 48.

Ms. Tyler said she admires Ms. Zimmer's intellect and her inner strength. "She really knows her stuff, and there's something almost sexy about that," Ms. Tyler said. "There's just something really sexy and powerful."

Ms. Zimmer, when a reporter told her about Ms. Tyler's feelings, said: "I was very surprised. Sometimes, when you don't have a direct relationship with someone, you don't really understand how they're observing you."

And while Ms. Zimmer did not say she had a reciprocal crush, she did say that she considers Ms. Tyler talented and grounded and that "it's exciting to work with someone who has shown that kind of interest." She added, "It's a mutual respect."

Once a crush is revealed, it can change the dynamics of a relationship. "I think that I will be more sensitive and more focused on sharing things with her that I think will help her achieve some of the goals that she has," Ms. Zimmer said.

Sometimes, though, a girl crush is so strong it makes the object of affection uneasy, killing the possibility of friendship.

Jane Weeks, 44, a freelance art and creative director in Truckee, Calif., knows what it is like to be the object of another woman's crush. She has encountered a few women who have eagerly adopted her tastes in food and interior design, her favorite colors, even her hairdresser. "At first it's flattering you're inspiring them," she said. "When they parrot back parts of yourself, it's extremely uncomfortable."

Ms. Weeks, an outdoorswoman who has hiked through the Andes from Argentina to Chile, said some women are more enamored with what she represents - "some National Geographic chick" - than with who she is. "When you're on a pedestal, there's no way but down," she said. "And it's lonely up there. You can't share your weaknesses."

Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and the relationship expert at PerfectMatch.com, said she also has been a frequent subject of girl crushes - from her students. Some have made it obvious by bringing gifts, including earrings, flowers and even poems. But Dr. Schwartz does not encourage her students to look at her with starry eyes. She would rather they look to her for guidance on developing their careers.

"You're a hero because they think you've done something unimaginably powerful," Dr. Schwartz said. "Your job is to show them that they own something equally special."

Perhaps the last time that young women were as willing as they are now to admit to their attraction to each other was in the 19th century. "Back when Louisa May Alcott was writing, women were writing these letters to each other," Dr. Caplan said. "They wrote: 'I miss you desperately. I long to hug you and talk to you all night.' " Referring to another woman as a girl crush, she said, is not dissimilar to that 19th century behavior.

But such impassioned expressions of affection were uncommon, for instance, in the 1960's and 70's, when homophobia was even more rampant than it is today, Dr. Caplan said. Women were often uncomfortable admitting to strong feelings for other women, fearing that their emotions would seem lesbian, she said. And those same women, older now, can still be shy about expressing their emotions for each other. "Women my age are more likely to say 'I adore' or 'I value' my women friends,' not girl crush," she said.

As for men, to the extent they may feel such emotions for each other, Dr. Caplan said they are less likely than women to express them. They are not reared to show their emotions. "A man talking about emotions about another man? Everybody's homophobic feelings are elicited by that, and that's because men aren't supposed to talk about feelings at all," Dr. Caplan said.

Susan Malsbury, 24, who lives in Brooklyn and is a booking agent for bands, said that because a girl crush has the potential to become an important part of one's life, she cannot help but feel a tinge of excitement whenever she meets a fascinating woman to add to her collection of crushes.

"They're better than boy crushes," Ms. Malsbury said, with more than a hint of mischief in her voice. "You don't have to break up with them after two weeks."

censorship

ok, so the u of k public radio outlet has decided to cancel it's twice daily broadcast of garrison keillor's writer's almanac......claiming obcenity.......the lexington was kind enough to list recent days when the poems were considered too much for this area's sensibilities.....you be the judge...

Reunion by amber sumrall auguest 2

In your old pickup we drive the length of the island looking for
blackberries and trails that lead to the lighthouse, tell stories
about our six cats, the ones we divided when I left. I took your
favorites, the ones that were mine before we met. Your fifth
marriage is faltering. I am falling in love for the third time since
we separated. All you want to do is fish in your father's rowboat,
build a small cabin on five acres of land. Beyond right now,
I don't know what I want. Somewhere on Orcas another woman
dreams of you, waits for you to enter her life.

We smoke from your well-seasoned pipe, nervous as new
lovers. Those last months I refused to get high with you; we
always fought afterward. I remember why I loved you and why,
after ten years, I left. The reasons blend together, rise with the
smoke and dissipate. You ask me to tell you why, once again.
Each time the story is different, a work in progress. Days pass
in one afternoon. Is there still a chance, you ask.

We smile at one another, our defenses down. No one knows
us better. At the trailhead you pick purple flowers, hand
them to me, suddenly shy. I trip over exposed roots as we walk,
instinctively take your outstretched hand then let it go. In the
lagoon a pair of herons dance for one another, lowering their
long necks in courtship. Hidden behind boulders, we watch in
silence until the birds lift and disappear beyond the lighthouse.
There is always a chance, I say.


Curse Of The Cat Woman by edward field....july 23

It sometimes happens
that the woman you meet and fall in love with
is of that strange Transylvanian people
with an affinity for cats.

You take her to a restaurant, say, or a show,
on an ordinary date, being attracted
by the glitter in her slitty eyes and her catlike walk,
and afterwards of course you take her in your arms
and she turns into a black panther
and bites you to death.

Or perhaps you are saved in the nick of time
and she is tormented by the knowledge of her tendency:
That she daren't hug a man
unless she wants to risk clawing him up.

This puts you both in a difficult position— panting lovers who are prevented from touching
not by bars but by circumstance:
You have terrible fights and say cruel things
for having the hots does not give you a sweet temper.

One night you are walking down a dark street
And hear the pad-pad of a panther following you,
but when you turn around there are only shadows,
or perhaps one shadow too many.

You approach, calling, "Who's there?"
and it leaps on you.
Luckily you have brought along your sword
and you stab it to death.

And before your eyes it turns into the woman you love,
her breast impaled on your sword,
her mouth dribbling blood saying she loved you
but couldn't help her tendency.

So death released her from the curse at last,
and you knew from the angelic smile on her dead face
that in spite of a life the devil owned,
love had won, and heaven pardoned her.


i feel honored to receive writer's almanac delivered daily to my email inbox......and though i do not always take the time to read them in the 24-hour period suggested by the date...i fo get them read eventually,,,,,,such a big deal over small mentions of sex or drugs......both of which are part of people's lives, for better or for worse......