Thursday, October 04, 2012

PTSD

ok, so....i had a bit of a breakdown last evening....i was sitting on the basement floor, trying to lure out the new cat with a toy on a string......she was not buying any of this 'come on out sweet precious kitty' stuff....i got to thinking about how i had planned to paint the basement floor once the freezer was gone...and those thoughts of the months out of my planned-out life that were lost....multiplied by the nagging pain and swelling that remains in my recovering foot...i started in crying....no...outright sobbing....sobbing so loudly that my spouse came downstairs to ask what was going on...and he tried to help me get the cat out of the furnace-area croawl space where she has boon holed up since tuesday evening....it occured to him that maybe she was in stephan's room...where i had sat earlier in the evening watching a movie as a way to lure out the cat...yep...she was under his bed....and when he fished her out she darted past me so quickly i did not have time to put my sandals back on and i tried running after her in bare feet...only to stumble....and start sobbing all over again.....gentle readers....i cannot recall the last time i had a good cry.....seems to me it was well after my miscarriage.....must be a pattern....keep it together during the tragedy but fall apart after everybody assumes that i have gotten over it.....clealry i am not over the wreck, the loss of kitty, the loss of un-watered boxwoods, roses and vegetable plants...and now that my new cat seems to have foresaken me....it became too much.....

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