ok, so today was a difficult day, when you get down to it.....i took a load of boxes to kathy clark's on the way home from work ....she is moving now that jeff passed away in january,.....next to our old babysitter margaret jean mcguire...on boone trail.........jeff passed away suddenly...in january...while we were away in spain.......he had been in pain forever...but no one thought his time was up........this morning ecw disclosed to me that he had been up since 4:00 with chest pain....and that he intended to see rick hempel about it.....i hung on til 10:01 and then started calling......what was up.....by 10 he had already had an ekg and bloodwork...rick thought it was esosphogeal...like heartburn.....his ekg and bloodwork were good..in the night .he could only find 1 real aspirin in the house, so by 10 i had collected a vat of real aspirin........i am not ready to be a widow, like kathy clark, at less that 50 years of age.......she spoke of his death sunday, in sunday school....about how on new year' day she and caitlin and jeff and casey had dinner together, not knowing that it was a last supper........this was yesterday, when she was telling about their last supper.....and this morning my spouse was telling me about his chest pain......i have spent the day in a state of dread.......dread that our time is up.,.....he told me that he did not wake me up because he knew i needed sleep......well...i would have awakened to his cold body and thought.........thanks for letting me sleep.............yeah right..........he is asleep right now....and i am freaked out that his chest pain is heart related, just like his mother's.......we spent supper discussing as i lay dying versus the corrections.......only i had read thoroughly each book....scw and ecw were only part-way through each.....which is unfair.......the clarity was there for me.......but not for them....yet........they will have to finish both books before time is up.....it is only fair....................