reclusive......

ok, so i did 2 social things this weekend....and that is 2 more than usual....not counting sunday school....not that i could classify myself in the hermit category....but it is safe to say that if i cannot go really far away i'd just as soon stay home.....and read or work in the garden....this year i have made bold (for me) attempts to be more social.....this past friday i had wine after work with someone i thought i knew well.......and was somewhat shocked that she and her spouse started in arguing about something really, really petty when he got home from work.......needless to say, i had to be going.....and that was that for my latest foray into polite, or at least feminine society.....i have deep regrets that past forays have ended badly...or at least with me saying things i wish i had not said......i know that i come upon this honestly.....i see my mother as someone who gets lonely and chatters on and on when she does have someone to talk to......i suppose i enjoy my sunday school class for the social contact...not so much for the holiness.......goodness knows i am the least holy of these ladies.....and i pray that they forgive me for being the resident devil's advocate when it comes to matters of interpretation and doctrinal importance.......i have mentioned this before......i can see the parting on the horizon....when i find myself so left of the center of my congrgation that i have to move on from the whole package, which would mean my sunday school class.....but not this day....and not anytime soon......maybe when our daughter graduates...maybe sooner if current conditions prevail.......2 of her on-again-off again friends sat in the same pew in the balcony.....only about 12 seats down and turned away from her.....it broke my heart to see her treated so......especially since this is a child who has absolutely no agenda other than enjoying life......13 year-old girls can be so cruel.....i had similar experiences with girls in high school and college....which may explain my lack of confidence and comofort in relationships with other women.........i cannot say.....or will not say if any or all of these theories ring true.........of course, it may be my left of center thinking that creates a social conundrum......our running and biking crowd is of a like persuasion, but i neither run nor bike....well, i do bike, but not in the same time slots........actually, my argumentative friends are quite liberal.....when they are not fighting.......ah well......it is sunday, and lunch is in the oven.....and maybe i can catch a bit of the world cup match before i start in on my brickwork.......and later on there will be cycling......all of which requires no other social effort than for me to settle into my chair and take up my knitting....or slip on my gloves and fill up my water bottle.......maybe when i grow up i will play well with others.........